Hopefully this doesn't offend anyone, I am genuinely confused/curious. I'm starting to open up to the idea of dating women, but because it's exclusively online, it's hard to get a feel for someone's personality. I've been having trouble figuring out what "type" of girl I am, and what type of girl I am interested in. It's hard for me to imagine being dominated sexually, and the thought of it kind of repulses me, but I also don't want to assume this primarily dominant role in a relationship. I think this is just heteronormativity speaking to me, and possibly being in love with a straight girl for way too long, but I'm just utterly confused by my role in a lesbian relationship. Is it common for lesbian relationships to be split down the middle both sexually and emotionally? I still want to feel feminine, but maybe I want to be slightly more dominant? Feel free to share your experiences!
There are no defined 'roles' in lesbian relationships. There are different dynamics, but not any different than straight couples actually. You don't have to be a sub or a Domme. Some of us are in those types of relationships, but so are straight people. This has nothing to do with being lesbian. Also, you don't have to have a label at all. Many of us do not. Another common thought is that all Butches are tops and all Femmes are bottoms. Pretty much all straight people seem to think this and they also think that all lesbian relationships are a Butch and a Femme. This also is untrue. The only consistant thing in lesbian realtionships is that there are two women. That's it. If you are new to the scene and like all of us, you were raised in straight society, it is common to think this or have lots of questions. It's normal and natural when searching for yourself. Just ask, people should not be offended. You can always IM me and we can chat if you are uncomfortable with posting something. I would say just date whoever you are attracted to. If you have a type, you will notice a pattern, and you will find out what you want in a mate as well.
just my thoughts: i feel i would be the same but opposite of you in a relationship , i feel like i'd want a relationship split down the middle but with that feeling of being slightly dominated/protected. i think this is why i the girls i'm usually attracted to are "soft butch" , because i subconsciously associate the slight masculine traits as feeling safe. all of these feelings could also be my heteronormativity speaking to me. it;s good to know some people feel similar
