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Just another girl wildly confused about her sexuality

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by lonelydancer19, Apr 16, 2016.

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  1. lonelydancer19

    lonelydancer19
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    I'm just so incredibly confused about my sexuality right now. I'm 19, but sometime last year, I realized that I thought I might have attraction to girls as well as boys. And then I also realized that I thought transgender, asexual, and genderfluid people were quite beautiful as well. So I've been identifying as pansexual, but I'm just really not sure what I am. I'm so confused about it and I feel like I have no one to talk to. I don't know if I just think women and others are attractive or if I actually want to be with them. I think I do, and I can picture myself being with and being married to women, but the attractions I feel for them are so different than every attraction I've ever felt with a guy. Am I just telling myself or trying to force myself I like genders other than just male?
    Ugh, I'm so confused, and it hurts so much...
     
    #1 lonelydancer19, Apr 16, 2016
  2. Jmiller85

    Jmiller85
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    I'm in a similar situation, except from a guy's viewpoint. I'm here if you want to talk!
     
    #2 Jmiller85, Apr 16, 2016
  3. lonelydancer19

    lonelydancer19
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    Gosh, yes please! I really want to know how other people are feeling and I want to be surrounded by people like myself. I go to a Catholic college so I feel pretty isolated in my thinking lol and there's really no one to talk to
     
    #3 lonelydancer19, Apr 16, 2016
  4. Jmiller85

    Jmiller85
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    I feel kinda weird about it sometimes, then other times I just want to say regardless this is what I want. Maybe that's just me?
     
    #4 Jmiller85, Apr 16, 2016
  5. lonelydancer19

    lonelydancer19
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    yes, that totally makes sense and I completely get it. Sometimes I think I'm putting too much thought into this. It shouldn't be this complicated. I'm attracted to who I'm attracted to, and that's that.
     
    #5 lonelydancer19, Apr 16, 2016
  6. Jmiller85

    Jmiller85
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    Exactly! Then it seems like I always question myself, like what would God think, is it wrong, what if people found out, etc.
     
    #6 Jmiller85, Apr 16, 2016
  7. lonelydancer19

    lonelydancer19
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    Yeah, I get it. And I have no clue how to go about asking girls out because I don't want them to think I'm weird or make assumptions. It's just all so confusing.
     
    #7 lonelydancer19, Apr 17, 2016
  8. Stuart3247

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    The two of you are having such a nice conversation. I don't mean to interrupt you but I have a question, lonelydancer.

    Do you have to ask a girl out, as on a date? Or . . . can you invite a girl to do something with you and see where that leads?
     
    #8 Stuart3247, Apr 17, 2016
  9. lonelydancer19

    lonelydancer19
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    I mean, I suppose I don't have to ask girls out on a date, but usually if we hang out and stuff, it's assumed that we're just friends, and then at that point, I don't want to jeopardize the friendship, yanno? Plus, I never know if girls are straight or not and that makes it difficult as well.
     
    #9 lonelydancer19, Apr 17, 2016
  10. redvelvet96

    redvelvet96
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    I totally understand what you're saying. I have crushes on girls that I know are probably straight, but it's hard to know if they don't actually tell you or make moves on you. But if you're really close to them you don't want to ruin the friendship that you have by showing interest. I have a hard time with my identity coming from a small town where there's not a lot of out girls and not having any experiences to confirm my feelings.
     
    #10 redvelvet96, Apr 17, 2016
  11. Jmiller85

    Jmiller85
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    You could check online, but be careful!
     
    #11 Jmiller85, Apr 17, 2016
  12. lonelydancer19

    lonelydancer19
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    Yeah, that's honestly my biggest struggle...

    ---------- Post added 17th Apr 2016 at 05:26 PM ----------
    I've actually considered joining an online dating site, but I'm just not sure...
     
    #12 lonelydancer19, Apr 17, 2016
  13. Jmiller85

    Jmiller85
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    Although I feel like gay girls have it easier than gay guys. Imagine being a guy like me and going through it. People are far less accepting of gay men in my opinion.
     
    #13 Jmiller85, Apr 17, 2016
  14. redvelvet96

    redvelvet96
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    I can't really speak to the validity of that statement, but I think it's hard to compare. It really depends on each person and where you come from. Regardless, it's difficult for anyone struggling with their identity or acceptance from others.
     
    #14 redvelvet96, Apr 17, 2016
  15. lonelydancer19

    lonelydancer19
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    I really think it's difficult for both. I do think it does depend on the person and the environment. It's been really hard for me, though, especially because I've been submersed in a Catholic environment.
     
    #15 lonelydancer19, Apr 18, 2016
  16. plvcebo

    plvcebo
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    I'm kind of in the same situation, except I think I could be bisexual. I'm nineteen too and I never really questioned my orientation until maybe a year or so ago but I didn't even really consider bisexuality until a few months ago. It's difficult when so many people say they "just know" if they're not straight and I'm here, nearly twenty with pretty much no romantic experience whatsoever still trying to figure things out. It was always boys I had crushes on through high school so I just presumed I was heterosexual I guess, although in hindsight I think maybe I was only experiencing romantic attraction, I realised about a year ago that I am romantically attracted to girls too and could see myself having relationships with them or guys but then I started thinking about other types of attraction and I'm at the point now where I'm not sure what to identify as, usually romantic attraction and sexual attraction go hand in hand right? I considered asexuality or demisexuality too but I just keep coming to the conclusion that I'm not going to know for sure until I'm in a relationship but then most people say they know who they are from a young age and a relationship only confirms it, so maybe I'm just overcomplicating it in my own mind. You rarely hear of people saying "yea I'm demisexual but biromantic" so maybe I am just bisexual. I know there's no pressure to label myself, I just feel that I need to do it for my own sake and so I can be more open with people etc. I wouldn't disregard your feelings for anyone lonelydancer19, attraction differs from person to person regardless of sexuality, so even if you can't pin down your own identity it doesn't mean what you're feeling isn't valid :slight_smile:
     
    #16 plvcebo, Apr 18, 2016
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