Hi! Please read this all :icon_wink (I'm very new here so I apologise if I'm posting this in the wrong place or something.) I recently came out to my parents and a few close friends as bisexual however I'm now questioning if I'm really bisexual or if I'm actually gay. As a child growing up I've always been aware of female bodies and always found myself predominantly looking at them rather than male bodies. The same applies to me now I'm nearly 17. I can appreciate a good looking guy but it doesn't really do anything for me. If I watch straight porn I will always just focus on the female and pretend the male's not there, but mostly I only watch lesbian porn. I had a few boyfriends in secondary school however it was only to fit in with everyone else, I actually dumped one of my boyfriends when he asked to kiss me because I felt uncomfortable :icon_redf So, still to this day I've never been sexual with a male or female. If I had to say who I'd want to be sexual with then i'd say I'd 90% want to be with a female. I've never had any crushes on people either so that doesn't help my situation. When people at college gush over a cute guy I just sit there like :help: because I feel like the odd one out for not being bothered, I usually just mumble in agreement. I used to think that I was asexual however I love watching porn and I really want to be sexual with people so that ruled asexual out for me and then I realised that I was bisexual. In the future I could seriously see myself with a female however my brain keeps trying to push it out of my mind as if it's weird and that I should be with a male. Which is why I identify as bisexual. My parents and a few friends know that I identify as bisexual and they know I'm still kind of questioning it all. They were all ok and don't care what my sexual preference is, my question is... Am I in denial about being a lesbian? I feel like I only identify as bisexual because I'm scared that one day I 'may' end up with a guy and I don't wan't people to say 'well you said you were a lesbian blah blah blah'. I'm so confused because I felt so relived when I found the label bisexual fit well with me but now I'm not so sure. I took the kinsley scale and I'm a 4 if that helps (I kept getting that answer continuously over a week of taking it at different times and in different situations) Any advice or past experiences would really help me. Thank you!
Welcome to EC! You sound like my younger self, when I was in denial. I didn't find male bodies appealing either, and felt very pressed to be in a straight relationship. Hell, I still am. I only got rid of the doubt when I experienced with both sexes. I wouldn't advise you to go on parties and clubs and letting anyone have their way like I did, especially when you're still 16, but since I'm a very antisocial and reserved person, it actually worked. I preferred women. Now I can only see myself living happily with another woman. It took some time to get used to the idea, though. We're still brought up in a sexist and straight-normative society. Have you ever heard of the concept of compulsory heterosexuality? It takes its toll, unfortunately. Try watching LGBT movies and TV-series, coming out stories, related literature, etc. Only you can find out which label suits you, though. (I know it might sound cliche, but it's the only way to know for sure).
TV series: The L Word, Lip Service, Queer as Folk Movies: Imagine Me and You, My Summer of Love, Bloomington, The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love, Loving Annabelle
I second The L Word. But my faves are: Carol, Gia, Aimée & Jaguar, The Hours, Lost and Delirious, Fingersmith (actually a 3-part BBC series), Farewell My Queen, Desert Hearts, Show Me Love/F****** Amal. I also highly reccomend going through this Autostraddle list (I haven't watched all of them myself hahah): The 100 Best Lesbian Movies Of All Time | Autostraddle
