Hey all! This is gonna be a rather long story...but I hope you'll read anyways! Seven months ago, I questioned my sexuality for the first time. I didn't even learn that women could be gay until about 9 months ago! I just never thought about it, you don't see many LGBTQ people in the small town where I live. And then, seven months ago I came across the term bisexual in a video. Who knew that one youtube video could change everything? I immediately thought, "I wouldn't be surprised if I was bisexual..." I've had crushes on boys in the past, just a few. For the most part, I never really notice men's looks, though, mostly women's. But when I have emotional connections with guys, I can develop attraction towards them. But I remember thinking in second grade, "I wish I was a boy. Boys are so lucky, they get to date girls. Girls are so much prettier!" I have never had anything with a girl that I considered a crush. I never thought of it as an option. I never considered it a possibility. I knew I wasn't a lesbian, and hearing the term bisexual made me question my sexuality. For about a week and a half I questioned and I felt so much distress! By the end I was sure. Sure that I was bisexual. Even came out to my brother! Then I started questioning if I was a lesbian. The next morning I declared myself straight, and told myself and my brother that I was an idiot for ever questioning it. And for the past month, I've been questioning again. For the past seven months, I have felt jealous every time I see a video w/ two women in a relationship! Jealous because "I'm straight and can't be with women". Or am I? I always notice pretty women. There have been women I have felt strong desires to be around. I fantasize about ending up w/ a woman, and it doesn't feel weird. And since I started questioning again, I feel different than I used to around women. What do you all think??
I'm really not experienced in any of this but i understand where your coming from. I was watching a video and realized that i liked guys. Now this definitely was a shock to me, admitting to myself that i was attracted to guys. So that lead me to research some type of support system and i found EC. This also lead me too really think and analyze these new feelings. What i discovered was that i have always been attracted to guys i just hid it very well. I was always taught to be a manly man and being gay was of the devil. At this point i just kind of take it day by day. I feel so much better about it bc im being true to myself and being able to be open about on EC is awesome.
The way you describe it is exactly how I felt discovering bisexuality. I just thought it felt right. And, essentially, that's the whole deal with labels; knowing who you are and coming to terms with it. Hell, from what you wrote you handled it better than a lot of questioning people do. But anyway, what you talk about with your jumbled feelings about guys and girls simultaneously sounds a lot like bisexuality. But also keep in mind that you don't have to be 50/50 all the time. That goes for both romantic and physical attraction.
Thanks for responding And for pointing out that it's not always 50/50, b/c I definitely don't feel like it is for me!
