So I identify as a Transexual girl. I fully 100% identify as female, and in that respect im binary. I have no doubt in my mind that I was born female in the wrong body. I do plan to get HrT, Facial Feminization Surgery, Vaginoplasty, Electrolysis and pretty much everything else, and then I plan to live fully in stealth. Even if I had a sexual partner i probably would let them think i was cis (i know thats controversial, but its still what i would do) but my question is not about gender identity, its about sexuality I identify as a lesbian, somewhere between a kinsey 5 or kinsey 6 I simply know i have extreme romantic and sexual attraction to women, and very little to men. But I do have some to men. But like its messed up attraction . . . firstly its only sexual, never romantic. It's only very sporadic, and like is very painful. Like I watch some porn occasionally, (nothing extreme--just pure sex with no talk, and no abuse, and pretty normal, happy seeming sex between only two people who seem to be lovers) So if I watch a lesbian video, which I usually do I come away almost feeling . . . happier, at peace (like it could be me with a girl I love) and even less dysphoric. But if I watch a heterosexual video I come away not feeling dysphoric precisely but dirty, gross, depressed, and I kinda want to puke . . . but yet I occasionally come back because in the moment i will get a strong sexual attraction towards male body . . . but its fleeting, and when its gone i feel just like I described. To be clear this does not just happen with porn, and i dont want comments about what you think about porn. It was simply an easy vehicle to demonstrate my problem. This fleeting sexual attraction (never romantic) to men happens in my real life to, and I always feel equally dirty, gross, depressed, and physically ill when it fades . . . Whereas my much more frequent attraction to women (romantic and sexual) leaves me feeling fulfilled sexually and emotionally, alive and excited and at peace . . . Can anybody help me sort up what's going on with this perverted attraction to men, like what causes it, why its so gross, and how to deal with the problem? Also I do see a Clinical Psychologist who has specialties in LGBT issues, gender therapy, trauma counseling, psychological and general mental health. Would it be worth mentioning this to her? I know that's a lot of specialties. She's actually advanced in her field (and very kind/understanding) and I'm super lucky to have her. Also, do you think I would count as a Kinsey 5 or a Kinsey 6?
It's simply because we are socialized to be attracted to masculinity and males in general Not only that, but Mother Nature has weighed our brains heavily in the favor of procreation. So, we are therefore attracted to males. There is no problem to deal with, your heart is fufilled by females, you are a lesbian. It's just Mom Nature messing with you. If it makes you feel better though, by all means mention it to your councilor. You are perfectly normal though, so cut yourself some slack.
Interesting post. I have felt something similar. I mean, I used to watch lots of gay male porn when I was a younger teen because I had a little fear of seeing females sexually... I'm starting to think this was a part of denial. Anyway, yeah I was getting off in this sort of way where I felt dirty which I sort of expected tbh and it didn't seem right unless it was sorta ew, but since I've tried lesbian porn (I get very picky about it though so I mostly don't watch much porn these days) yeah it actually makes me feel weirdly happy in comparison. Then when I've tried to go back to my old favs it really does leave me feeling sort of disgusted and uncomfortable. Yeah, I felt this was really bloody weird when I first realised that difference, so its interesting that you've felt something similar. Attraction to men in real life makes me feel like I'm a bit less insane... because otherwise I'm like "how did I miss my gayness all this time?" but seems to come about when I'm feeling bad. Since none of this stuff used to bother me really until I accepted liking girls, I can never work out whether to call myself bi or gay. Anyway, I think the best way to think about anything this arbitrary is to go with what makes you happy. You would obviously be pretty miserable in a relationship with a guy if your reactions are that extreme, so its definitely correct to call yourself a lesbian, I would say.
