''But you've never been with a guy'' ''You just need to find the right guy.'' Common. These are common. I know. But what an impact they can have. Although not ever said directly to my face, it has been said to my friend's face. And it also hit home for me. Scince these comments, almost 16 months ago, I've started to Question my sexuality. I was completely obsessed with girls and did not feel the need to label myself, but then those comments kicked in. I got stressed: ''What IF I REALLY do need to meet the right guy?'' There is always a possibility, always a chance. I am open to such things (I think?), but it also gives me no right to say I belong to a certain group, let's say bisexual, because I have never been attracted to guys (I know when one is attractive. Have I ever wanted to kiss one? Not that I know, probs not otherwhise I would've remembered it.). It would make the community unstable. But why do you want to label yourself? Because I want a feeling of belonging, but the main problem is: I don't know for sure what my orientation is, and I probs never will. And when you are not sure your surroundings have a huugggee impact on you and you begin to question everything. The comment ''You have never been with a guy.'' made me anxious the most. Now I feel like I have to be more open towards dating OR have a stable label. Like I said I don't have a stable label. Now I feel like I have to put myself into heterosexual dating world, while I just don't want to. I don't want to put myself in dating world in general. But I feel like I need to have proof of ''I am not attracted to guys''. Like, I need to do sth with them, date them for example, just to proof I did not like it. At the same time it is a waste of time, because if I am going to date someone with that thought, it will feel forcefull and it is not fair to the person I am dating. And even after that proof there is no garuantee I will only fall for girls after that. How should I calm myself down when I have the feeling I NEED proof. Feeling like I have to try, while I just want to sit in my house, drinking coffee and read a book. I don't want to make my sexuality look like a choice I made. You can't control who you'll fall in love with (and at the same time I want to do that). Thanks for reading, have a great day
