Before realising I'm into girls I thought maybe I was asexual because I didn't want to have sex with men and had never entertained the thought of having sex with a woman. I didn't think I experienced sexual attraction because, well, I never really wanted to have sex with men (though I had sex with them sometimes anyway). However, since I realised I like women I've been feeling/thinking new/different things about people. - I want to have sex with women (which is something I've very rarely felt with men). - I feel curious about having sex with women. - When I look at women and see someone I think looks really good (or if I have a crush on someone), I imagine what it's like kissing them, holding them, touching their breasts and bottom. I might imagine them naked and imagine giving them oral. These thoughts make me nervous and excited mentally but I'm not sure they make me physically aroused. I feel like I have a desire and a longing to do all these things with women but I suspect I won't get physically aroused until there's actually a real person sitting next to me (who pays attention to me) or until someone actually starts to touch me sexually. Is that normal? Are these things considered sexual attraction? Just wondering since I don't feel this way about men and since I've been wondering whether or not I'm asexual. ---------- Post added 29th Apr 2016 at 08:30 PM ---------- Sorry if that's TMI by the way.
Certainly sounds like sexual attraction to me. Not everyone can be easily aroused with purely mental effort. Sometimes it takes touch or real physical presence. But based on your description, this would not fit the criteria for "asexual" as according to that definition, you would not have sexual urges concerning any gender. Generally speaking, people who are asexual do not desire sex (or things of that nature) at all.
I, just like you, used to be very confused about what sexual attraction felt like until I finally did feel it; and let me tell you, when you're sexually attracted to someone, you know. Plus, I also used to think I was "asexual" but what really kept me from (consciously, at least) feeling strong attraction towards girls was denial and depression (which lowered my sex-drive). I'm not saying it's the same for you but telling my own experience may broaden your perspective a bit. If you want to get a better understanding of what sexual attraction can feel like, observe other people who experience it and see how they respond to it. For example some of my friends quite heavily gush over guys they find hot and you can really see how excited they get -- and that's really how it can be and feel like. To put it even simpler, you get an urge to touch the person and there can be a sensation in your stomach and/or groin. Your heart may beat faster and heavier as well. But those are just some things I personally experience; I imagine the list can be expanded a bit. When you're sexually attracted to someone I think there is always a physical reaction that follows which you described not having but that doesn't mean you're unable to feel it. From what you said it sounds like you are able to feel sexual attraction (and perhaps have) but something may be blocking it (perhaps shame?) and makes it difficult for you to be 100% in touch with it (yet again another experience I had myself). But of course I could be wrong since it's hard to analyze all your feelings based on this one post alone. What do you think yourself about this?
Yeah, maybe that's what it's like for me as well. I mean, I recently discovered I probably like girls. My religious upbringing didn't even allow me to think about being with girls. I've also been dealing with depression and other things for pretty much half my life (since my young teenage years), which has probably affected my sex life a lot even though I don't exactly know how it has affected it. I also still feel guilty about my same-sex attraction/interest. Especially since I'm in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. I do get a "throbbing" sensation in the nether regions sometimes when I for example see something sexual in movies etc. Is that what you're talking about? I'm not sure what I think about it. I've heard different things about whether or not physical arousal follows sexual desire so I'm not sure what's actually true. Perhaps different things are true for different people. I mean, I've read that some people can't even get aroused spontaneously but instead get aroused when in a "sexual situation". I think it's called responsive sexual desire or something. Anyway, I pretty much just want to figure out if I'm sexual or asexual. Or maybe there's just something wrong with me. I spend a lot of time thinking that as well. ---------- Post added 1st May 2016 at 09:09 AM ---------- The way I've understood it is that people who are asexual don't experience any desire to participate in sexual activities but they can still be physically aroused (I mean, their bodies still work). So if I want to have sex with women sometimes, I guess I might not be asexual, right?
