I started dating one of my best friends (a guy) about a month ago. We've liked each other off and on for years. When we first kissed it didn't feel like anything special, but I chalked it up to it just being the first time. However, every time we kiss I'm just waiting for it to be over and being close like holding each other feels odd and I can't just be in the moment. Since we've started going out I just keep thinking that if we stay together I will never be able to be with a girl. I feel so horrible. I care about him so much and I don't want to hurt him but I can't figure out if this is normally how people are supposed to feel in relationships. I haven't dated (long term) very much so maybe I'm just new and awkward at it? I do really enjoy when we make out, but everything else we do that is even remotely intimate feels awkward and a little uncomfortable to me. When I was trying to determine my sexuality I was determined that I was gay except for my feelings for this guy. Because my feelings for him never went away I figured I must be bisexual, but now I feel really confused and scared. What do I do? Is this normal? Does this mean that I'm really gay and not bisexual? Please
I did date a guy who was a longtime friend and it felt similar to what you're writing. We broke up of course, there was no point to it. I never doubted my bi orientation even if most of my relationships were "het" (me being a girl).
Yeah I felt exactly as you felt when I was with my boyfriend and then I mistakenly married him. After two years I woke up, divorced him and eventually went on to women where I experienced mind blowing sex. That was 20 years ago and I'm married to a wonderful woman and we have a beautiful daughter together. And I'll tell you something, i still enjoy the sex even 20 years later with the same woman. Go figure. When it feels right... it really feels right.
That might mean that you can be emotionally attracted to men (not physically), and that you are both emotionally and physically attracted to women. I had the same dilemma because when I first came out I identified as bi. The reason was that there were a few occasions in my life where I was attracted to men emotionally and because of that I thought they were good looking. What it came down to was that I had no desire to sleep with these guys, only to dance with them or hold their hands. I think that you are trying to confirm what you already know: you are gay and you made this one exception because you find this guy to be emotionally attractive to you.
