I am really struggling. I still constantly go from "okay I am a lesbian!" To "maybe I am bisexual and thats okay!" To "what if I am still straight though?". It sucks and I really want to tell someone how I feel in person, face to face. I want to talk about it, but I fear that once I say this to someone I can never take it back. I have never actually been with a man or a woman so I am not certain about how I feel. In my mind I really like women and want to be with a woman. There is a small part of me that THINKS I still like men? Maybe I do? I am not really sure how to tell? I haven't had a crush on a man or desire to have a boyfriend ever since I realized I like women in that way. But I do remember liking some guys when I was younger. In the back of my mind I feel like there is a chance I will be with a man and realize everything I have been feeling for women is not real. The reason I think this is because I thought I was straight longer than I have been thinking I might be a lesbian so being straight feels more familiar and it feels like I can go back somehow? I know it does not make much sense, but that is how I feel and this is my fear. I just cant tell anyone that I like women and want to date women because If i do and realize I do not actually like women I would be so embarrassed. I do not trust my mind and I fear that I am making everything up. I can't tell anyone unless I know for certain that I am not straight. Does anyone have any advice? I need to tell someone, but i am afraid. I don't really want to go to a therapist because I am still on my parents insurance and they will wonder why I am seeing a therapist. Its not really something I can hide especially because I still live with them on top of that.
1. Your feelings now are REAL. Fact. 2. No one can delegitimatize your feelings. Feelings change. It doesn't make them any less real. Fact. 2. Even if you're not lesbian, you are still accepting and you can sill appreciate women. Fact. 3. There is nothing wrong with being Bi. Fact. 4. There is nothing wrong with being straight. Fact. 5. there is nothing wrong with being Lesbian. Fact. 6. Even if you're not lesbian, you might still be biromantic and have romantic connections with women, if not sexual. Vice versa with men. 7. lots of people go through a questioning period. Some decide that they are gay/LGBT+, and others decide that they are straight. Those who end up deciding that they are straight are called bicurious, and no one judges them for it. It doesn't hurt to be curious. 8. People can see therapists for many reasons. If your parents ask, you can politely tell them that you have a lot on your mind and want to talk to someone about it. Also that you'd rather not share it with them. 9. Hope this helps.
I just want to say I completly understand what you're saying. I had very similar thoughts to you. It's really annoying to be having this conflict and confusion inside your head, but no one else knows. I would recommend telling one person, like a close friend or family member, if it's safe for you to do so. Maybe tell them that you're questioning your sexuality or you like women, but you're not sure of anything yet. You could tell them to keep it a secret. Then, if you want, you can tell more people or wait until you're sure of your sexuality and come out, or not come out if you're straight. For me, telling a friend that I wasn't totally straight was great, as it wasn't all inside my own head any more. I know what you mean about not being able to take it back, but even if you came out as lesbian and then one day fell in love with a man, it's not the end of the world. And as Linus said, you can keep what you tell a therapist confidential. Whatever you choose to do, good luck! Don't worry, you'll be ok. You've already taken a step and revealed your questioning to EC, and we support you. (*hug*)
Thanks. I get lost a lot of the time in my own head. This is really helpful feedback. My feeling are real. I appreciate you taking the time to help.
I can relate so much to this, just know that you are not alone. I questioned my sexuality for years and kept it bottled up inside because I was afraid, like you that once I told someone I could never take it back. However, I couldn't keep in it in any longer I decided it was time to tell someone that I was questioning and that I really did not know what to do about it. My advice is pretty much the same as Electric Puns, maybe pluck up the courage and tell someone about it. It honestly helped me so much! You've already taken the first step in voicing your concerns on here. In time you will figure out what your sexual orientation is, just know that what you are feeling is perfectly normal Good Luck!
I'm afraid I have no advice but just wanted to say that I feel exactly the same/could have written this/ you're not alone. Hope things work out
Actually, telling someone can help you feel like you're not going mad. There's something about having it all churning up your brain with no escape that really does make you start to question whether you're entirely sane. Get it out to a trusted person and you will probably feel a lot of relief.