Okay, so as you can probably tell from the title, i'm really confused about my sexuality. Just so you know, i'm a female, almost 18 years old. I've always identified as straight but in recent years i have been beginning to feel as though this label doesn't really suit me. I never really had many crushes growing up. I remember when i was around 11 or 12 all of my friends would have crushes on guys so i would just say that i had a crush to feel like i fit in. And i mean, i found guys attractive and i would talk about male celebrity crushes with my friends (Zac Efron mostly) but i never had that butterfly, completely obsessed with someone feeling. I go to an all girls high school so i don't see many guys in my age group. But ever since i was around 12 or 13 i've been having thoughts about girls. Occasionally i would catch myself staring at a pretty girl and think sexual thoughts about them but i would quickly repress these thoughts and try not to think about girls. This past year as been really confusing for me. I still haven't had a relationship or major crush on anyone but i'm no longer repressing those feelings anymore. I would see someone attractive and i'd think "yeah they're hot" but i never get to know them well enough to form a real attraction. This is really hard for me to explain because i don't even know how to explain it to myself. I know that i definitely like guys. I've definitely fantasied about being with guys in both a sexual and romantic way. However, there have also been times when i have had similar fantasies about girls. And in both of these fantasies they don't feel weird or uncomfortable in any way. I have this one friend who i tell almost everything to. But sometimes she will say things about being straight and how she could never be with a girl and i kinda just sit there because i don't know how to tell her that in fact, i would totally like to be with a girl. I'm so scared to tell her how i feel, not because i think that she won't accept me i just don't think that she'll understand what i'm going through. I mean, i don't even understand what i'm going through. I know i don't have to conform to labels, but it would just make me feel comfortable if i felt like i had something to identify as. This is really confusing for me as i have never done anything with anyone of any gender. I hope this makes sense and i hope someone reading this can help me understand my sexuality a bit better. thanks "A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle"- Missy Higgins, Scar
I very much understand your feelings. I went through question and hiding feelings deep even though I knew I was attracted to girls and boys very young. I get frustrated with the exact label thing. I think your sexual attraction and romantic feelings says your bisexual or bicurious. Maybe not the best answer but you get to choose who you are. We are all different in our minds. It can take years and experiences to figure out who you are for you. I will say don't dismiss your thoughts, attractions, and feelings now for anything.
From one bi girl to a potentially bi girl... Yeah, you sound like you're probably bisexual, which is totally fine, obviously! It's good that you've reached out here. I'm in a similar situation to you, I rarely develop proper crushes on people although I can find others attractive. The thing is, if you like and fantasize about girls and it's pleasurable to you, then it's unlikely that you're straight. And it's okay if you've only recently realised that you may not be straight. It doesn't make you any less valid than someone who's known from the second they were born or whatever, not everyone knows from birth, in fact, I'd say that most people don't. Some people don't develop attractions until they're teenagers, and maybe people like us who don't really have major crushes often just develop our sexualities slightly later? I don't know the science behind it, but I do know that it's equally valid. In any case, I hope that if you do tell your friend, she's supportive of you. I often feel alone in this too, but a good thing about this site is that you can talk about it. Good luck. If you do consider yourself as bisexual after some thought, then, hey - welcome to the club!
