So I've been "questioning" for a year, although, its been very in my head mostly... I havent had the guts or made the opportunity to try anything. I'm preparing to actually explore being with a woman [I'm female] in the next few months. But I've also become involved with a guy who I really really like. He knows that this is going on. I just need a bit of moral support/advice in the situation. I get in these crazy intense thought patterns and feelings of loss and grief over losing my straight identity which I was obviously reeeeallly attached to. I feel intense guilt over being with my boyfriend, even though I want to be.. and he knows I'm questioning this. I know my feelings are way more strong with women, although I haven't let myself go there yet. But I love my boyfriend. I just kind of "know" that once I start experiencing things with women the feelings will probably completely overpower the ones Ive had for men. So... I want to be completely honest with him about this... My question is... do I need to be serious and doom-and-gloom about this?? can you help me be less? Sometimes I feel that in my heart and feel the need to grieve and accept... but am I just wallowing and wasting time? Another part of me thinks I should just enjoy my boyfriend, be honest and then take the next steps to discovering how I feel? Then, if he knows everything I'm going through we can decide together whether to end things or continue. does that seem fair and sensible? Basically my biggest worrying belief is that Im unable to be "in love" with a guy... but I feel like if I don't take a chance with this perfect guy and completely open myself up and see, I'd be stupid. Part of me feels like Ive never been in love with anyone because I have been closed off. it's hard because I dont really want to be with a woman yet. Im doing it more because I know I have to answer the question within me..."get it over with" ok much appreciated if you read this. xxxx
The one advice that I have been given while I was trying to fit into the boxes people kept telling me I should be in is to just BE. I mean just take it a day at a time, there is honestly nothing wrong with exploring who you are. I know that sometimes it feels like you HAVE TO do something or else, but don't. Just give yourself the opportunity to just live. There is no rush, although I know that it can feel like there is, but just let things happen and learn how that affects you. This of course my opinion, but my suggestion is to just let things go where they will. In time you'll find out more about yourself and what feels right inside. I hope that this helps.
Is your boyfriend okay with you experimenting? If you do experiment, and realize that you'd rather be with a woman, then so be it. You deserve to be happy. So many gay people end up in straight marriages, then end up having to get a divorce, or just have an unhappy marriage. If you truly do really love the guy you are with, like you say, then I would think that experimenting with a woman shouldn't do anything to change that, unless you happen to find someone you love more. Which if you do, you'll be happy, right? But you don't have to experiment, either. If you'd rather be with your boyfriend, and you think that you'd be just as happy, that's always something to consider, too.
Thank you you two he is ok with it yes, He said he'll be really sad if I want to be with a woman but he's not gonna stand in my way and he knows I need to experience it. I do feel like I NEED to do it because of all the dreams, the new feelings and thoughts that I have been having.. I cant just ignore and suppress those feelings without discovering what they mean for me. But I will take it at my own pace definitely.. I think I'm finding it hard to trust that I can really relax with him and that I can explore these feelings truly. So I need to speak with him more about it and talk about my fears... everything is good. I have a beautiful guy who I can talk to and be open with and work out what I feel.
