Coming out to my parents was probably the most awkward/scary experience that I have had to date. After questioning for many months beforehand, I came to the solid conclusion that I like guys so I decided last December to tell my parents. Coming out was made even harder, because at the time, I had never come out to anyone else before. However, when I told my parents, they were surprisingly quiet and listened to most of what I had to say, but ironically, as soon as they spoke, it was as if I had been talking to a brick wall for the past 15 minutes. I was not gay. It was simply me being "confused" and as I grow older I would eventually develop feelings for girls. My dad even went to the trouble of going through a long-winded anecdote about "some friend he knew" to prove his point. I'm 16 and I am fairly confident I am not straight (gay or bi I don't know yet). But my parents keep stressing how everything will sort itself out once I go to Uni and they are so adamant about it that I am almost considering myself whether I will just be straight in the future. I have already come out as bi to many close friends, but now I'm wondering if that was the right thing to do? Am I labelling myself too fast? I really afraid of coming out to people as bi and suddenly realising everything I ever had for was just a conjuring in my teenage mind. Is it common for people to change sexuality once they are older? I am so confused at the moment as to what I should do. Any advice or am I just going crazy?
Shit, mate, I am so sorry, that is horrible. In answer to your question, you are born with your sexual orientation, although your preferences can change. For example, when I first realised I was bi I was like, 60/40 in favour of guys but now it has flipped. So whilst you might feel like it's changing, your identity is totally legitimate, don't let people cause you to doubt yourself.
Sexuality is fluid. So yes, it can change. Usually if it does, it doesn't change drastically, and it's more preferences that change... But whatever your sexuality is now is valid, and whatever it is in 10 years is valid, too. I personally believe that my sexuality is currently kind of "transitioning" from bi to lesbian. I'm 13, though, so obviously I'm still developing. But I have chosen to just label myself as queer. I feel like it is a very non-restricting label that acknowledges the fluidity of sexuality. The wikipedia definition: "Queer is an umbrella term for sexual and gender minorities that are not heterosexual or cisgender." So, anyone who isn't straight can label themselves as queer if they wish to do so. If you are stressed about putting yourself in a box, queer definitely might be a label to consider
Labeling yourself too fast? No, not at all. It is your right alone to decide what labels you are going to be comfortable with. But, can sexuality change? It sure can! I am NOT talking about that reparative therapy scam, but instead that our functional preferences may change over time, and change back again. That's what it did for me. I fantasized mostly about guys in middle and high school, gradually got interested in women (quite a bit) in college, and then as time marched on I've come back to being almost exclusively attracted to guys. Some people would say I was in denial (the heteros would say during stage 1, and maybe total gays would say stage 2), but I think I was just exhibiting what I'd call "temporal desires." Again, it's up to you to pick the labels. Not your parents. Or anyone else.
At the moment I am comfortable as bisexual but it is frustrating at times because I go into phases of denial where I just don't know what to really believe anymore - and my parents don't particularly help with that. I have never thought about labelling myself as queer before. It makes sense and seems much more open for change than constricting myself to just straight, bi or gay. However, I have heard queer being used as an insult before and it has many negative connotations. I really don't want to offend anyone, so before I use it, I just want to check if it alright with everyone else. Has anyone had this problem before? The last thing I want to do is make anyone feel uncomfortable or insulted.
Of course I can't speak for everyone, but I don't think anyone who is LGBTQ will be offended by you labeling yourself as queer. I've never heard of anyone being offended by that...I think it would only be offensive if you put that label on someone who doesn't want to label themselves that way.
Oh no, I don't think anyone would be bothered by that. The issue is when straight people use it against us as an insult, however, the word itself is something that we as a community are apparently reclaiming. So if you want to use that label then you have every right to it.
Definitely but not for everyone. In my mid 20's and prior to '14 if you told me I'd be bisexual later on I wouldn't believe you. Was so confident I'd die straight but saw a customer(another male) I had feelings for at my first job and that changed my outlook. It takes time. Two years so far and sometimes I struggle with whether or not I should label myself in the first place. When coming out I always tell people I don't care about gender as long as the love and attraction between me and a potential partner are equal. Give it time and don't feel like you have to rush or label yourself if you don't want to. Kudos and much love!
Something similar happened to me. Until October '15, I was pretty straight, only interested in women. Then suddenly I found myself into a guy, and that was it. Now I can't imagine myself ever being completely straight again. Though looking back, I probably SHOULD have known I was bi since I was a teenager, so I guess another for the preference changes side.
I get what you mean. 3-4 years ago, I couldn't possibly have imagined myself as bi, let alone liking a guy, but I think as time passed I slowly realized I do find myself looking at guys. However, since that is true, do you think your sexuality would still be the same 5 years on? I thought it would 5 years ago but clearly I would have been
I don't really think about it, but honestly no. Like I said, this wasn't an all of the sudden thing, there were signs I didn't pick up on. I've pretty much always checked guys out, just never realized I was doing it. I was also always a bit jealous of girls for being "allowed" to experiment with each other while guys weren't. Things like that. I don't think I was ever really straight, despite what I thought. :dry: But everyone is different. I don't doubt it's possible for your orientation to change. Who knows, if you ask me 5 years from now, I might say I'm gay. There's only one thing we can be sure of about the future: We're unsure of what the future holds.:icon_wink
