So lately I've been wondering wether I was Lesbian or Bisexual. About a year ago my sister told my mum I was a lesbian. All I knew at the time was that I liked girls, so I said yes, I am. But I'm getting paranoid that I'm actually bisexual, and that I'll end up having to come out again. Kinsey isn't very helpful in this case! Here's what I know about my sexuality: 1) I definitely like women, I can get turned on by a woman and have had crushes on more women then men(although sometimes I can't tell if I want to be them or be with them etc). I was never really sure what it was growing up, I never felt any strong crushes growing up, but looking back I always wanted to be closer to females than to males. 2) I have never been in a relationship or had sex, which isn't unusual considering I'm only just turning 16 and I'm also disabled(a wheelchair user) and tend to hang out with an older crowd. So I have no physical experience in that area. But I have fallen in love with another girl before. 3) With men, I never really saw them that way growing up. I had a brief crush on a boy, but it ended after my friend left school and I couldn't share it with her. My other friends were always very into boys, still are, and it makes me feel more awkward then anything else. But I do find them appealing, the security of one and the protectiveness of one. I don't think I could marry one or raise a family with one in the same contentedness, but I guess I could see myself in a relationship with one. I watch hetero couples on TV and feel jealous of them - could that mean anything? 3) I have a long history of self doubt, which is why I mentioned me being paranoid. I never really seriously thought of boys that way until I came out - shouldn't it be the other way round? 4) I'm not particularly fussy about certain women, but then again they're so much harder than men. I'll be lucky to find anyone, wouldn't it just be so much easier if I could love both men and women? I doubt there are a whole queue of queer teenage girls who'd be willing to date someone disabled. I'm not sure if I want to be bisexual or not. Anyway, that's my view on the situation. Sorry for the ramble.:help:
I can definitely relate to the protectiveness of men being appealing, but other than that, there's not much else that I can imagine liking about them. I personally feel jealous of women in homosexual relationships, but I also feel jealous of heterosexual couples. But I think it may just be that I'm jealous of the love they share, I don't really know... You could be bi with a preference for women. You don't even have to label yourself though, I just go with queer. That way if it ever changes a bit I don't have to come out again.
It's aight girly! I know this probably isn't what you want to here right now (trust me I know, I'm a baby dyke as well), but just a tiny reminder that only you can really know where your sexuality lies. As for advice, there ain't anything you need to be worrying about here! Sexuality is fluid, confusing, and a messy thing to try and figure out. I know your experiences are probably different from mine, but here's what I can offer from what I've been through: When I started questioning where my sexuality stood I originally thought I was Ace because I'd never had experience with anyone over anything (literally less than a month ago I just had my first kiss). It's not uncommon for people to fumble around for a definite answer. And then, sometimes people just change. Hell, it took me two and a half years to actually acknowledge that I was attracted to girls. (Again, sorry if this isn't much help because I'm not bi). It sucks not knowing, but it will work itself out. From what I do know from my ex (she was bi), bisexuality isn't strictly 50% attraction to guys and 50% attraction to girls. She said that sometimes she's more attracted to girls more that guys or vice versa.
I know exactly how that is. I absolutely refused to label myself and spent a lot of time being so confused, but I can tell you that with time you will figure out where you stand and it's okay if you don't know right now. There are a lot of people here you can talk to. -Fellow member of the wheelin' nation
