Do you relate to this or know anyone that does? I came out as gay two a couple of friends a month ago. Since then I've been questioning again, almost straight after I came out I wondered if I was wrong. Is this common? I know I am certain for my attraction to women, I feel it so deeply when I like a girl, it's nothing compared to anything else. The emotional connection overrules all. I feel comfortable with women, I always have since a little girl. They feel safe. However, sometimes, very rarely I feel something strange for a guy. It's usually a man with a strong personality, not necessarily good looking. I've never been attracted to muscly men or stereotypically good looking guys... but I don't know what this feeling is that makes me question? Do I admire them? or? It gets more complicated... I think I could even have sex with a guy and kiss one, but I would not get into a relationship with one. When I picture it I feel weird and as if it would be awkward and I wouldn't be able to be myself. Do any lesbians relate to this? Can I still identify as gay if I feel like this? I just want to feel justified in my own gayness if that makes sense and I'm struggling to figure it out. I thought I had then I began to overthink.
I relate to this. As soon as I thought, or acknowledged I liked girls, I started questioning again. (I've not come out as ''gay'' to anyone) I think I could have sex with a guy, like you, and maybe kiss one (not french tho, just a little peck.). In real life however, that never happend. But in my head I can do it. There would be no sensual or deep connection to it though. Just ''the act''. Like you said relationships with guys would feel weird and not feeling yourself. People said to me that I have to be open towards relationships, but idk. This was even before I knew I could like girls. Anyways, in conclusion, I have the same problem
I can most definitely relate! I've come out to my brother twice, b/c after the first time I started to question so I told him I was straight! I can also imagine those things with a guy, but when I try to imagine spending my life with a guy...It doesn't feel like a care-free and happy thing, more...serious. (not as in a "serious relationship") I also have never felt attracted to muscular or tall "good looking" guys. For me it's always been their personalities. Which is also adding to my confusion, too. I always want to feel justified in my gayness, too, and honestly it's causing me a lot of anxiety!
What would happen if you were bi or trans? Why is the gayness so important? Why would you have to be interested in a specific type of guy? Do you have to be interested in a certain type of girls to be lesbian? It's so funny.
I relate to this completely! Still questioning myself, and honestly I think I need more experience with feelings for people and such before I can get a better idea, but I feel the same way. I think I like girls a lot, yet I think I would enjoy sex with a guy a lot (although also feel kind of uncomfortable in awkward in their presence). I find it's better to focus on what you know about yourself, rather than what you don't. Because you may never know everything about yourself, but you do seem to know you like girls. And maybe one day you'll find you like a guy, maybe not. But doubting after coming out is totally common. I've experienced that too even with coming out as questioning. Like I was questioning the fact that I was questioning myself! Which makes no sense because I was and obviously still am. I do experience same-sex attraction. I say just give it time and go easy on yourself. Whatever feelings you have are okay and real.
I feel like I know what you're talking about. Now, I don't know what your personal feelings mean, but I found out that what I am feeling is a type of admiration, like I want to be like them or I want to be friends with them, because I can relate to them or whatever. It took me quite a while to figure this out, but I did. I hope you'll figure it out too. What really helps is just to let go and stop stressing about it, clearing your mind, when I did that the answer just came to me. Even if you could have sex with men, as long as you could not to be in a serious relationship with a guy, you can totally call yourself gay, if that's the label that you can relate you most. I know some people that are sexually attracted to men and women, but can only have relationships with the same gender and they still identify as gay, it's just easier than coming out as homoromantic+bisexual or homoflexible. You will figure it out, just give it some time and don't stress about it too much.
I have kissed quite a few guys, and have never felt anything. But yes, I probably could have sex with one- I can't imagine it feeling right though. And I know exactly what you mean about not being able to be yourself if you were in a relationship with a guy. I do get a kind-of attraction to some guys, and I think I have got excited about guys to some extent. But when people talk about weddings, relationships with guys. I just have this voice in my head saying "no, that's not my path. it would be wrong". I see myself with a woman, inherently.
I feel exactly the same. It is really easy without any experience of guys or girls to think "Hey... maybe I could see myself with a guy" and then 5 minutes later think "Guys... seriously?. Sometimes, I just want to prove to myself that I am bisexual but as a 16 year old guy trapped in the school system, it is almost impossible to find the time to just explore my emotions in the real world. Unfortunately, if you haven't got many experiences, every little niggle and thought is exploded to unrealistic extremes and you find yourself overthinking almost everything. This isn't particularly helpful because many straight people have "gay fantasies" and gay people have "straight fantasies" and bisexual seem to have both! I think if your instinctive gut feeling is that you are lesbian, just go with it. Perhaps you are bi, perhaps you are a homo-romantic, but all that matters is that at the moment you believe you are lesbian. One of the hardest parts in coming out is trusting yourself first. If you don't, you leave room for overthinking and other people to infiltrate your mind and set you on an endless spiral of questioning and doubt. I'm sure that with time and experience you will finally some to a conclusion, but for the moment don't stress about it too much - you don't have to prove your sexuality to anyone.
Wow well it's nice to hear that there are others who feel the way I do. I just think it's confusing and I wish I could just solely attracted to just the same sex. Perhaps my attractions to guys are platonic, I've messed around with a lot of guys which I didn't add. I went through a denial stage around 14-16 and I even had a boyfriend once. When I lost my virginiry I cried for days... it felt strange and I was uncomfortable. I kept seeing this guy and we had sex regularly and I never felt an immense amount of pleasure it was always just 'Eh that wasn't great but it wasn't bad'. He was my only boyfriend. I then had sex with a few other guys - always drunk or on some sort of drug (oops). None of the encounters were anything special at all. But in my head sometimes I wouldn't mind fucking a guy. Then I think about a relationship with one and I can't exactly pin point the feeling but it just doesn't seem right. Awkward would be the best way to describe it. Sometimes I feel my fear of being bi sexual is causing me to think this way. But woman do make me feel very comfortable and excited. I guess I just have to give it time, I've never been with a woman before since realising I was gay. I did fall in love with one but she did not feel the same way. The feelings I had for her were so strong and I've never felt anything like it before. It was definitely love because for the first time in my life I became completely selfless and was willing to sacrifice absolutely anything to be with her. I just have to find a way to feel okay in my own skin and in the label I've chosen.
Omg I just wanna say again how much I can relate to this. I've also fallen in love with a girl and was willing to sacrifice absolutely anything to be with her. Girls also make me feel very comfortable and excited. I did not have encounters with boys, although they persued me sometimes. It just never happenend. It made me question even more (because I have no experience (yea a spin the bottle peck but what's that)) and now I'm on the brink of trying it, but at the same time I don't want to because I know it's gonna make me dissappointed. Aaanndd I don't want to use anyone as an object of trying, while knowing it's not going to last. It feels forced. So for now Im just gonna sit back and do other stuffs, I can't do much else. I think we just have to wait even though we don't want to hear that :/ Have a nice day ps: I just had to comment
For me, I follow the rules of what I would consider the minimum standard to have a healthy relationship with a person (be it sexual, romantic, or platonic). I could kiss a guy, I would consider ignoring the things I dislike about men and male anatomy for a really nice guy I cared about. Do I think I could have a healthy relationship with someone if I'm only "tolerating" their body or I'm just not that into it? No. Would I want someone to claim to be into people like me if they were only tolerating my body and my gender? NO. So, I let the occasional urge of attraction be just that and treat the guy with respect. Who you can tolerate is not the important thing, who you really, deeply want all the time is what matters.
I relate to the "i wanna feel justified in my gayness message". Since I have had a similar experience of questioning and falling intensely for a girl I have lost any interest I had in being with guys. I have an appreciation for male beauty, but I'm not attached to any of the many guys I can recognise as good looking. I might draw them or something. In the past I found some boys to crush on and I was sort of sex obsessed, but I'm guessing what I'm realising I'm feeling for girls is the actual sexual attraction that I never had. The abstract pull. And since realising that, I've become really uninsterested in guys and trying to envision stuff with them has something missing. However, I don't feel justified in my gayness because 1. the only experiences I have are crushes and two drunk kisses 2. my sex crazed younger teenage self was perfectly happy with the idea of boys. So I feel like I may be more bi. I dunno. Just gonna live it out, you know. In your case, you've had experience with a relationship with a guy and you didn't like it. I think that would be enough to tip me over to identifying as a lesbian for sure.
I relate to this so much. I understand wanting to feel justified in your gayness because I often feel the same way. I've always had a preference for women, but every so often, there'll be a guy who makes me start questioning. Mostly guys I admire. But this happens pretty rarely, and it's fleeting. I really connected with what you said about maybe being able to kiss a guy, but not develop a romantic relationship with one. I believe that you can identify however you want, and that everything will sort itself out. Your sexual orientation is valid.
