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Am I Questioning Because I Am Lonely? And Scared?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by BookWriter1994, May 7, 2016.

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  1. BookWriter1994

    BookWriter1994
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    It's been almost two years since the random thought" Am I A Lesbian?" popped into my head as I was on a dating site.

    I went from then on from Lesbian, Straight, Bisexual and Pan for those almost two years and I still have no freaking clue what I am.

    Lately I have begun to think that maybe the reason why I am questioning is because I am lonely.. I mean, I have zero experience in men. The very first boyfriend I had ever had was in the third freaking grade!(Does that count tho?) I still know his name by the way.(Don't ask how) and I had a boyfriend for like an hour in middle school before I found that that it was a bet..(His name was Mike) and in high school I almost had two boyfriends. (Not at the same time) One is still a good friend of mine and he and I started talking in sophomore year in HS but never went out. The second one was that he had a girlfriend at the time who was my friend. We never did anything except held hands on the bus and talked. (I almost kissed him one day as he was leaving to go to basic training but I stopped myself)

    After that.. Nothing really happened. I talked to a few guys here and there from online but that has never developed anything from there. And one day randomly as I was on a dating site.. that question came up was I actually gay? And that started my questioning that has last almost two years now..

    I have no idea why it will not leave me alone.. I have tried talking to women online and yes I will admit that I thought there was a connection from the women that I was talking to. I even met one from online! Nothing happened after that though..

    So anyways.. As I said lately I have been thinking that maybe the reason why I have been questioning for so long because I am lonely? I mean, I am only 22 and half the people that I know is married, in relationships and having babies. And none of those are happening to me right now.

    And the other thing. Maybe I am questioning because I am scared of men? I mean, my mom had a few rough relations before meeting my stepdad. She was cheated on, beaten up on all that stuff. Hell, my REAL dad had a whole other family when I was born and my mom didn't even know it until calling him telling him that I had a hole in my heart. (I was a sick child.)

    So maybe that's also the reason why I am questioning? I have no idea.. I just want some insight is all really. Someone who can give me some clues.

    Any advice?

    Sorry for the long post.. :help:
     
    #1 BookWriter1994, May 7, 2016
  2. yuanzi

    yuanzi
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    I can relate to what you were saying. I have no sexual or even serious dating experience with either gender and for a while I wondered whether I was bisexual because I was lonely/desperate for affection... I don't trust men either mostly because my dad was pretty much absent when I grew up (I was raised by my grandparents).

    However, I am not questioning anymore mainly because 1) I have had intense crushes on girls in real life (twice and they were both close friends); I liked them so much that I could totally see myself spending the rest of my life with them; 2) I have never been turned on by or even fantasized 'sexy' males; yes I had felt deep emotional connections with a guy or two but even those times I was never sexually aroused by them. I spend a significant amount of time checking out females though (maybe I am bi-romantic rather than bisexual? damn the labels!)

    So I guess you should ask yourself the same questions. Romantically have you felt deep connections with either/both/any gender at all? Sexually are you more turned on by a specific gender?
     
    #2 yuanzi, May 7, 2016
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