So one day I was watching a TV show and at the very end of the show, two girls who were just friends ended up getting together. The writers of the show had been slowly and subtly hinting towards this happening for the last 2 seasons of the show but it still came as a shock to me. Mostly because at the exact moment when they are seen to basically ride of into the sunset together it hit me like a brick wall and I thought "I think I'm gay" and then suddenly it was like I knew I was gay. And once I started thinking I could definitely be into girls I thought back on moments in my life and they all seemed to prove this. When I watched the show Orphan Black my favorite character relationship was Cosima and Delphine. When I was a kid I was basically infatuated with a high school girl who was my bible study leader, in middle school I always thought boys were uninteresting and couldn't understand why any of my friends wanted to date them or kiss them and have really never been interested in having a relationship with a boy, and many other things. The problem I have is that I'm not sure if this is normal for a straight person to feel or think. Like what if I am just seeing these things that happened to me as proving I'm a lesbian because I am now thinking back on them with suspicions that they were gay tendencies? I don't know if that makes complete sense, basically I am worried I am psych-ing myself out or something. I worry about this because I have watched many shows with lesbian relationships in them before this show that got me thinking. I've watched Orphan Black, Transparent, Orange is the New Black, etc, and these shows never gave me my epiphany moment like this one show. I go back and forth between thinking I'm gay and straight and justify both with different things. One thing that makes me think it could be possible for me to realize so late is that I come from a very conservative religious family which could have kept me ignorant of it all. Another thing that just makes me more confused and makes me believe I can't be gay is that I am 20. How can I not realize until 20 that I am into girls? Is that even possible? I feel like everyone who is gay has the story that they knew from 6 or some really early age. I guess my question would be, is it possible that I might be gay or am I only making myself think I am? I just don't know how gay people or straight people feel towards their same sex. Also, is it really possible to have little or no inkling of ones sexuality until one glorious moment? Sorry for the rambling novel and sorry if it makes little sense, but I'm just really confused and have no one I can ask for advice. Oh also I should clarify: I would not be scared or ashamed to be gay I just am really confused about it.
They sure do. My epiphany moment sounds similar to yours. I was in my early 20's too. If you search these forums and read others experiences you'll see your not alone. Not everyone knows right away and sometimes it just takes a certain trigger or moment. Growing up in a religious, conservative, family, plus the lack of normalcy in the non heterosexual minority, probably had a factor in your epiphany. This doesn't mean for sure your gay, straight, etc. That would be more accurately measured by what your attracted too. From what you said I'd say it's likely your not completely straight. Why not go explore the idea of a same sex relationship?
