I've gone through periods of this before... I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years almost a year ago. I realized that I just did not have as strong feelings for him as he did for me. This realization caused me to question my entire sexuality, and since then I haven't been the same. Since then I've only had one other brief relationship with a guy (only lasted a few weeks, we went out a few times, had sex once, then fell out of touch...). Anyway, since this followed some of my intense periods of questioning my sexuality, I took it as evidence that I'm straight (or at least not totally gay). Now that I've been single for awhile, I feel like I just don't know what I want in a relationship. The reason I have been questioning my sexuality over the past year is because 1- I didn't feel "in-love" with my ex-boyfriend, as he clearly was with me. This made me feel really guilty and go on a search "why don't i love him...." and 2- I've masturbated to porn intended for straight males (videos of females) before. Now I just don't know. I don't know if either of those things are enough to draw a conclusion about my sexuality. I look at males and females alike and I just don't know. I feel nothing anymore. I don't know if my questioning is because I actually am a lesbian/bisexual, or just because I genuinely haven't found the right person or been in the right relationship yet. This is consuming my life and it gives me a lot of anxiety. Trying to have an open mind but I'm scared. I feel like I have this end goal of figuring out that I've been straight all along. But I know I can't keep that in mind if I'm really trying to get to the bottom of this. I'm not sure what my question is...just looking for comments I guess.
Gosh, I wish I had answers for you. When you've watched videos of females, were you able to orgasm? I have female friends who watch girl-on-girl porn and identify as completely straight. As for me, I'm a 33 yo woman who has been married to a man for over a decade, but I spent the last year and a half in love with a woman. It's very confusing for me, because I'm not attracted to men the same way that I am to women. I can be attracted to men, physically, and easily picture me having sex w/a guy if he's cute enough. That isn't my mode of attraction to women. I have to like the woman first; there's just something about her. Then, I become deeply infatuated and emotionally connected. When there is that emotional connection and attraction to woman, it's very deep and intense. It's much more than I could feel for a man, BUT, I become attracted to men (physically) very easily. And of course, I love my husband. So yes, it can be very confusing. I'm going to therapy over it myself. Has there ever been a woman (in real life) that you've been attracted to?
