Basically I feel like I am not good enough of a woman. Why? Scince I hear my surroundings saying the following: ''Woman tend to be more fluid in their sexuality and go for emotional connection more and are more focused on one's personality. Females are more likely to be bisexual/fluid/etc'' My friends and parents say this and it's totally okay I have no problem with this. But It's the context in which it's said. It is not said in this purely scientific context, but in a way of judgemental towards woman who identify as solely heterosexual or homosexual. Especially homosexual woman. They know I like woman (as you can see in my orientation). It felt like they were saying the following: ''You are not open enough towards males. Everyone has a drive to mate. Females are capable of establishing relationships with males and females. You can't deny the instincts'' While I know that intincts and a drive to create new life can lead to heterosexual behaviour, does that mean it MUST be intergrated in my sexuality and therefore I can't be gay? Can love and erotica be separated from ''Instincts''? How do these things work anyways (I have to research this asap I guess but I'm just putting it out there) I feel like I am broken in a way, It's like they are saying that I chose to be with woman. I feel like I am not a ''woman'' because they say I am not open enough towards males/that I am not going after my ''instincts''/that I'll eventually go to heterosexual behaviour?
My first two paragraphs are in relation to your first one, FYI. Honestly, I'm convinced that those ideas are entirely based on what society tells us about men and women and masculine and feminine behaviour. You know, the stereotype of the strong, cold man who doesn't like to display affection? Stereotypes such as this kind of prevent men from expressing affection towards any gender, I think. So, in contrast, because women are supposedly more affectionate, we should display affection more often, and this affection may be linked to or confused with sexual orientation. I'm not making much sense, but basically what I mean is this: if two girls were stood holding hands in public, it wouldn't be as big of a deal as if two guys did it. Whether or not the hypothetical girls were in a relationship or not is irrelevant, because the fact is that it's not an unusual sight even if the girls were heterosexual and married to men, with ten children each. Meanwhile, if two men held hands in public? Pretty much anyone would assume that they were together. You are not broken at all. Just because you may not express openness towards men doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you, it just means that you're not interested in being open with them. I'm bisexual but I'm rarely ever open with anyone, so I think it depends not only on sexual orientation but also on personality. In terms of instincts, I have to admit that I don't really know. But a range of different sexualities can be observed in animals, therefore, I think it's pretty safe to say that it's not abnormal or anything. The majority of people are heterosexual, yes, and nobody knows what causes other sexualities but the fact is that they exist and do not imply that we are "broken".
It's important to note that women TEND to be more fluid. That in no way means that just because you're a woman you have to be bisexual. It's like wearing a skirt: Women are more likely to wear skirts than men, but that doesn't mean all women like wearing skirts, and not wearing a skirt doesn't lessen your "womanliness". Don't worry about how others try to shape your sexuality: the only one who really understands it is you P.S. I'm not sure how great the skirt analogy was, but I think you get the picture. Be happy as you are!
Haha thanks, I knew woman tend to be more fluid than males. Your analogy was good because it leads to your point tendencies do not equal 'musts' of being a certain thing. (you dont have to wear a skirt in order to be a woman) And still, woman who don't wear skirts, are looked upon as less 'woman' because it is less 'feminine'. It is, like EmeraldEyes said, an idea of what society tells us about feminine and masculinity (and skirts!) and automatically link that to your gender and sexuality. But I guess you already knew that lol/ It's not weird when Feminine lesbians and Masculine gay men are getting comments such as ''You are too pretty to be gay'' or ''You are lying''. It's terrible really, for your mental health I mean. I am still feeling conflicted. Thanks for commenting btw, have a great day Ps: I am still concerned about the whole instincts part, I feel like I should have heterosexual encounters in order to be 'normal'.
The same women that talk to you about sexuality being fluid and try to convince you that you should feel attraction to guys, most likely would be insulted if you told them that they should feel attracted to women. (I assume that bisexual women tend to be open about the possibility that women can be lesbians.) You are undoubtedly a wonderful woman and your sexuality has absolutely no bearing on that. Anyway, women are so much easier to relate to and understand and are lovely and are much cuter than men in my eyes! Why would any woman want to date men?
Nay, dear, there is no reason, other than if you so desire to be with a man. Society says such things that they as a whole cannot grasp that people like us are outside of what society requires to be the norm. Sorry rambling here. But you do YOU, as you see fit in whatever desire or thoughts you wish. Don't let society tell you different, Although I understand such requirements in living with "straight people."
Hah, I told them that, and they said that they could do it, but end up with a man :') (they indeed do not indentify as bisexual ha. I have one friend who I tell this to because she is not completely straight and is indeed more open about the possibility that women can be lesbians) or they want to in any case. But It's much more logical to have heterosexual encounters, because of the whole 'reproducing', so they just say that and end the discussion. Hah, I feel more understood by females as well. I mean I can get on well with everybody, but it's girls who I feel so comfortable with. The emotional connection is so much more intenser than with guys. But I do like guys as my friends, they are great, they really are. (ok sometimes they can be annoying af, but so can girls. everybody can) thanks for replying, have a great day ---------- Post added 10th May 2016 at 10:49 PM ---------- Yeas It brainwashes me hahah, Like i am not completely confident in my sexuality and it just messes with me. Thanks for saying this though, have a great day
I don't think women's sexual orientations are necessarily more fluid but it's more about what arouses/attracts them. I remember reading once about a porn study they did on men and women and women turned out to be able to be aroused by a larger variety of different porn (even one's that didn't line up with their orientation) whereas men generally had a smaller scope of things that they could be turned on by. That's just one example, but I think that's generally what people talk about when they say that women have a more fluid sexuality. Then there's also the fact that women may be more open to sexual experimentation because that's more acceptable in our society than men doing the same thing. From what I've seen, this is rarely taken into account when people do research about sexuality which I think can make the conclusion pretty flawed since it's important to factor in. When it comes down to it, society puts a lot of stupid ideas in our heads and no one has the right to say who you are or should be attracted to. If you are a lesbian, chances are you'll stay that for the rest of your life and imo, if you later on were to figure out that you were bi instead, I'd argue that there's a possibility that you didn't turn bi but you always were and just didn't realize it (another thing people fail to think about when talking about sexual fluidity). About the instinct part, if you're a lesbian you will not have a desire to reproduce with a man. You can still want children, of course, but you won't suddenly feel like you want to go out and fuck a guy in order to get that. The same can be applied to gay men, they won't want to plant their seed, so to speak, in other women because they are gay. In this context, the instinct those people were talking about refers very much to sexuality and ignores the fact that there are gay people in the world who automatically, because they're gay, don't have this instinct to mate with the opposite sex. All in all, what they said was ignorant. Regardless of anything, you are not less of a woman -- that much is true.
I'm pretty sure any studies done have said that women are either fluid to some extent or completely gay. Women can be completely gay for sure, its just arguable whether they can be completely straight.
Thanks haha I've read all of that stuff too hah, but scince they (my surroundings) put my essence of being on the whole: ''You have to have children because you can. Plus, you are a woman and you are more capable (because of the whole fluid thing) of going to the opposite sex instead of gay men (what the hell actually?!?).'' This all leads to the false conclusion that I am 'Not open towards dating men and that I should give it a go' What they said was ignorant indeed. They also have the underlying ''Feminine woman are 'real' woman, because they look feminine and soft (and all that bullshit) and butch woman, well, it's not weird they are gay: they look like men.'' That is also a fuckking ignorant statement, it's like saying: Masculine seeks for feminine and vice versa. This is also why a lot of femme/femme or butch/butch couples get hate for, or they are simply not acknowledged. but it's still intergrated into each and all of our brains. And I also see flaws in the research they do indeed. Behaviour is linked with orientation, for example, and many, many other things. We still have a lot to learn about sexuality hah. But Thanks for messaging It really helped talking about it.
It sounds like your parents are trying to cling onto hope that you might end up with a man. That's their issue, not yours. If you have straight sisters, are they encouraging them to be open to being with women? I'm guessing not! Yes, women are supposedly more likely to be "fluid", but that doesn't mean all women are. And the science isn't very well understood anyway - there's less stigma towards being a bi woman than a bi man, so that's probably a large part of it. There are tons of women who are sure of their sexuality and feel no need to consider other possibilities. That's totally normal and fine. Try not to take what they say to heart. It's a reflection of them and what they're going through.
They cling onto hope i'd say so too, although they are fine with it if I'll end up with a woman. It's more like they bring my essence of being a woman down and therefore my sexuality. Science is indeed not very well understood I agree. I see often that science mistakes correlation for causation and that makes me very frustrated. Or at least, people USE correlation for causation. I would not say there is less stigma towards bi men and woman, but a different stigma. I have a friend who is bisexual and she got a whole lot of shitt to hear, but it's significantly different from exclusively homosexual people. I try to not take it to heart, but it's difficult. People who you love and know you pretty well say such things.. It makes me question again and again. I am an open book but when it comes to this part.. I dunno I cringe and dare not talk about it.
