I hope I'm not alone in this.* Sometimes, I feel the urge to just really flaunt and embrace my sexuality as much as I can. I can only do that online. Sometimes when I find safe spaces online, I really only talk about my sexuality, how much I like girls, etc. And when I do that, it just feels really relieving, like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I guess that's because I have to pretend to be straight in person, and everyone just kind of assumes I'm straight, which is weirdly exhausting. So when I find places where I don't have to hide, I (overly?) express my sexuality and feel really happy about it, and proud to be who I am. I hope this makes a little bit of sense, and I was just wondering if anyone else experiences this.
There's something really liberating about it, right? ---------- Post added 11th May 2016 at 12:09 AM ---------- I can definitely relate
Yes, I noticed that right after I came out to my friends I started talking about girls even when it really wasn't necessary. I mean, part of the time they would be bringing up the whole "so, you're gay now" thing and I just went along with it because I think they are trying to show their support by doing this, even though I didn't really have anything else to say about it. But other times I really just felt like talking about being gay, about girls, about girls I think are hot, etc. Like I think about girls sometimes (okay, all the time!), but I felt this weirdly huge urge to say everything I was thinking out loud, even when it is not something I would normally say to people. I think it is normal to feel this way. For me, at least, I bottled everything up for so long and spent so much time hiding my feelings and censoring my thoughts and my speech that it was a huge relief to finally be expressing some part of my true thoughts. So once I started, it was like there was no filter at all suddenly. Also, I know that when I was a teenager all of my girl friends would talk about boys non-stop and I could never really join in, without really understanding at the time what it meant. And I hate to admit it, but it's kind of like I want the shoe to be on the other foot for once. Like, "I am going to talk about hot girls now and you are going to just have to sit there and listen and not know what to say because you don't get it mwahahahahaha." It's not a conscious thought at the time, but when I realize I'm doing this I do try to restrain myself.
I interpret you wanting to flaunt your sexuality as a measure of acceptance towards yourself. A measure of less shame and more acceptance.
I totally relate to this. Thanks for your input; I feel less alone ---------- Post added 16th May 2016 at 01:22 AM ---------- I think I get that. So it's kind of like trying to fight back against the shame I've internalized over the years?
I tried to be more obvious when I was younger. When I was 19-20 I used to paint my nails, and went to a beach known for it's lgbt friendly atmosphere, and wearing a shirt with a pic of Gavin Rossdale across the front. Nothing came of it, but all I could think was "goddamn what do I need.....a neon sign?!?!"
All the damn time! I'm on these other forums, and I'm always getting puffed up about me being trans. It's kind of embarrassing TBH.
