For a while, sexuality has been on the back-burner for me. One big reason I think I haven't fully considered or been willing to venture forth in this area is because, honestly, I think I'd be a horrible boyfriend. Whenever I consider the qualities necessary for a relationship, I shiver. Dedication, loyalty, physical affection, verbal affection, being vulnerable or dependent on another person, and so forth. I suck at all of these. In the past, I have deliberately broken off friendships that were either (a) getting to close or (b) becoming stagnant. What kind of person does this? I'd like to think myself capable of great loyalty or dedication, but even this is not true because I've run away from everyone I ever cared about. Communication skills are non-existant. I have a visceral distaste for physical intimacy. And one of the things I desire most is independence and self-reliability. I don't really know why I say all of this, except that it seems to me that it doesn't really matter who I may or may not be attracted to, I'm not "relationship material." People say there's someone for everyone, but how could anyone love a monolith that prefers floating on it's own island? If I entered a relationship, it would be cruel because I would only hurt that person in the end. No matter how deeply I might crave for it, it would never work because I am the problem. So yeah, I'd be a really bad boyfriend. Sorry this was so long. Anyone else possibly relating or have advice?
I can definitely relate. I'm terrible at maintaining friendships as I too find it hard to keep them going... :/ But that's okay. Just focus on you and what you aspire to do. You don't need a relationship to complete yourself just keep being you and eventually you'll meet someone who's going to change your whole perspective on this and who you will fall in love with <3
I listened to my best friend talking about much the sme thing yesterday. He just broke up with his girlfriend of more than two years for the same reason. But then I wonder... what if you met someone just like you? Someone you could be in a relationship with but who also treasures their independence and who doesn't want to be all lovey dovey. I remember you writing in a coming out letter of many months back that you wouldn't mind living without romantic love until you found a fitting partner. If you still have that resolution, I think you're likely to find someone who satisfactorily catches your eye along the way.
Oh my God, if I met another me that would be a royal disaster. :lol: You have a point, though. I won't discount the possiblity of a compatible match, however infinitesimal the odds are of bumping into them.
I don't really have any advice but I'm exactly the same. I especially hate when the other person feels it's their fault. I'm moody, I mostly hate being touched, I hate other people relying on me, I never start conversations, etc. I do think it's a good point that you could meet someone who's the same and it'd be compatible, but other than that I have no advice. It sucks though, and I'm unsure how much I can help it. My current plan is not to date but I'm not gonna recommend that to you (unless you're aro)...
I can relate as well.. I'm no good at making/keeping/etc friends (and infact I have a way of driving people away even if I try to be friendly) I've long since used the word 'unloveable' to describe myself, and more recently added 'unfriendable' as well...because both are absolutely true.
I am the same. I am quite independent and I do value my own time to not only improve myself, but strive for my goals. I sometimes wonder if I'm too selfish, or if it may seem like I'm ignoring my boyfriend, but I tend to worry about myself first before I help someone else. My boyfriend is the type to "let's FaceTime every night", or "let's talk about anything". There's just days where I don't want to talk and I'm tired yet he still wants to... It's something that gets my gears grinding, but it's okay, we've worked out our differences and he's well aware of how I need my space here and there. You'll find someone, trust
