Hi! If anybody manages to understand my blathering, I'd really appreciate some input. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm demi-sexual for several reasons, which I shall list because lists are way easier to read than gigantic paragraphs. - I rarely get crushes on anybody. I've had two serious crushes in my entire 18 years, one on a boy and one on a girl. - I would never consider a one-night-stand or a polyamourous relationship. I think I'd only ever do a one-night stand if I was desperate, getting older and not wanting to die a virgin. (By the way, I'm not prejudiced against people who do these things, it's just that I personally never would.) - I have little interest in sex, I would only ever want to do it with somebody I was extremely close to and preferably in a serious relationship with. - Whilst my first crush was on a boy that I just spoke to sometimes due to our parents being friends, my second crush was on a girl that I had previously established a friendship with. Most of my fleeting attractions are towards friends. - I care first and foremost about personality when considering people - this sounds strange, I know, but if I know that somebody has a horrible personality I will start seeing them as ugly no matter how attractive they are. To me, appearance is a secondary factor that is always nice, but isn't something I care loads about. - Whilst I can appreciate aesthetic beauty, I very rarely feel erotic attraction. Also, I notice somebody's face before their body (but really, a nice body never hurt anybody). Despite all of this, I sometimes get (non-serious) crushes on celebrities etc. I mean, I have called Emeraude Toubia "my current sexual orientation" and I've never met her, haha. I took a random quiz which reckoned I was demi, but quizzes aren't exactly the best way to determine sexuality. Also, I don't know how much of this is down to my personality. I mean, seeing as demi-sexuality isn't a sexual orientation, exactly, it's more of an addition to determine the extent of your sexuality... Agh. So confused. PS. That is not me being a bigot or anything, because I'm not, it's just a fact that demi-sexuality alone is not an orientation, because it doesn't mean attraction to a certain gender (or a lack of attraction). For example, if you just said "demi-sexual" you're not saying *what* you're attracted to, however if you said "demi-homosexual" then it would mean a halfway attraction to the same gender. Just to clear that up before anybody goes "demi-sexuality isn't real!!!!". I am a person who likes labels - it makes it easier to define myself - so any input here would be really great. Thank you!
Hmm, I don't know too much about it, but it seems to quite fit you, so if you feel it suits you then go for it. ^_^
Hey cool, you ended up posting this topic!:eusa_clap From what you said here and other posts I'd say you are demi or somewhere in between asexual and demi. I don't think you are actually asexual. Its funny when I was little I thought everyone felt the same way as I did. I eventually realized they didn't. When I first heard the definition of demisexual it was like a click in my brain. I was stunned because it described me so well, and I remember being excited that this was a real thing and other people felt like this. Then I did some research and that's when I became a little doubtful. A lot of the sources seemed to imply to be demisexual you have low to no sex drive or desire to be in a relationship. I have strong desires for both, I just can't engage upon them unless I have a strong bond that eventually leads to sexual/romantic attraction. Later on I did more research and noticed that demi peeps do often have low sex, relationship, desires that's not a strict criteria. There's a grey scale within demisexuality. The main point remains demisexual must have a significant/close/intimate bond before sexual and romantic attraction exists. Again I've never experienced a true crush. There are celebrities I'm fond of (mostly musicians) and while I admire them, even finding them aesthetically attractive, that's all there is. I'd love to meet and chill with some of them but I don't want to kiss them or date them. Also I don't 'date' either. I just don't quite get it, the thought of it makes me uncomfortable to be honest. I can relate to how you feel, of all the labels demi fits me best. I'm not so big on labels, so I normally don't go saying I'm demisexual. Here's a link about demisexuality if you'd like to read about it. I urge you to search demisexual in your browser, there's a few stories about other folks with this label and how they feel too. What is Demisexuality? | Demisexuality Resource Center
Everything you're describing is well within the normal spectrum of ordinary hetero or homosexuality, and actually applies at one time or another to about half of the population. So... it's a normal thing. No need for any special labels! The demisexual label isn't recognized by much of anyone credible; it's been promoted by a small fringe group and has no basis in research, science, data, or much of anything else. That said, if people find it a useful label to describe themselves, they're of course welcomed to use it... but at the same time, it's worthwhile to know that what it is actually describing is simply a normal part of ordinary human sexual expression and isn't anything out of the ordinary that requires any special label.
Hi! I'm demisexual, and I relate to a lot of the reasons you listed. Labels help me a lot too, so I understand wanting to find one that fits. If you feel like demisexuality is a good fit for you, then you can definitely identify that way! And since sexuality is really fluid, if you find that the label doesn't fit, then you can always change it. Hope this helps!
Yeah, I finally got around to it! Thank you for the article link! I read it and I think I'll take your advice and do some more research on it before I decide ---------- Post added 15th May 2016 at 10:35 PM ---------- Thank you to everyone who contributed! I've considered everyone's opinions and I think I'll think it over a little bit more, although literally all of these opinions have been helpful to me so again, thank you! PS. Chip, don't worry, I know that it doesn't really have scientific basis or anything: to me, I personally consider it a kind of add-on to another sexuality, just to express myself a little better. I'm one of those people who likes having labels for everything
I think you might be demisexual, but I can't really say. I relate to your descripition, and I do identify as demi-gay.
I have come across demisexual before. It sounded kind of fit to me but I have no idea. It's true that for me I have to get to really know before having like a crush on you and stuff. My past crushes were all the ones after of getting to them. Sexual desire is kind of a big deal to me. I may be a virgin but I would love to have sex with someone while being in a relationship with that person. Sometimes I do think about sex often when I am reading fan fiction that has sex in it or watching porn every now and then. I do notice the face sometimes first and then the body second. Sometimes it's the other way around. Body first, face second. Personality means important to me but not extremely important. I mean, if we do click right away then that's pretty cool too. I do want to become friends with the person or just date them to get to know them before jumping into a relationship. See? That doesn't really sound demisexual to me to be honest and I am still questioning myself
I can totally understand what you're saying...I once, thought of myself as demisexual to, at one point. At least, i wanted to say I'm possibly of the asexual spectrum and anything else but gay, because i refused to be open to idea of being with the same sex..but now that im open to it and trying to embrace this new side of me..idk. I wouldnt say i get crushes easily..and the last major one i did have.. was over a guy starting in 8th grade..but i never lusted over him in anyway physcially in the beginning. it was more of this strong emotional attachment with some romantic attraction, i guess. not really sexual. but that was after i was friends with him for a while and idolized the idea of him liking me back. at this point, i dont think i get sexual attraction for anybody random in public...which was making me second guess my sexual orientation..because i do notice attractive girls and guys in puglic, but i dont get these hot and bothered feelings, really.. nothing against asexuals, but i, personally, would not be so happy if i ended up as one. i do desire the feeling of sexual and romantic intimacy for someone..and i do hope it happens to be a girl, cause i have yet really experienced it ..i know i think about a lot, being with a girl, and the thought is definitely nicer (being intimate and all) than so with a guy..but idk if i can rule out ever magically meetting an attractive guy, getting to know him super well, then i end up sexually attracted to him? who knows... idk, at this point, i can get thats its totally fine to label yourself demisexual if it makes you happy, but..dont most people crush on someone hard once they get to know them well and click? i mean, do non-demisexuals/asexuals have the urge want to rip the clothes of every super attractive person they encounter? do they really get hot and bothered down there so often to the people they see in casual public..like at the beach or mall? thats what i dont understand. i mean..i think its normal to want to get to know someone for a while and develop this trust and friendship before you feel the want to progress to things further
I don't think you're demisexual. Demisexual means only experiencing attraction to someone after a strong emotional bond has been formed, and you describe having a crush on a guy you "just sometimes spoke to" and some random celebrities (even if it isn't serious attraction, it's still attraction). Sounds like you're someone who doesn't have a whole lot of crushes and prefers personality to looks, making you more likely to be attracted to people you already know. That's not anything "abnormal", nor does it fall under the definition of demisexuality. There isn't a word for it because it's such a common and normal way to experience attraction.
Keep in mind, "demisexuality" is not a credible sexual orientation, as it is a part of the normal spectrum of human sexuality whether you are gay or straight. So no one is actually "demisexual" in terms of credible, recognized labels. It would be like saying you're "blondosexual" because you only like blondes... part of normal human variation. People can call themselves whatever they want, but please don't tell other people that they are or are not something under any circumstances; it is never our place to do that, and particularly not with labels that are unrecognized and serve only as "convenience" labels.
And if you reread what I said above, I reiterated that point several times. And therein lies the problem... for those who have looked into it, they realize that. For others seeking to find themselves, they come upon all of these unrecognized labels for which there's absolutely no basis whatsoever (nor even any consistency about what it means) and assume (since it ends in -sexual) that it is a sexual orientation rather than a label of convenience. I have no issue with labels of convenience, and honestly, I have no problem with anyone choosing *any* label for him or herself, regardless if they're the only one on the planet who identify that way... be unicornsexual, for all I care... just don't represent to others that it's a credible sexual orientation, because it is not. That's my only concern... not stopping anyone from using that label, but ensuring that people trying to figure themselves out have access to accurate information. No disagreement whatsoever. Provided that the information we give them is accurate. And I'm going to speak from the side of the house grounded in research, study, and the collective thinking of the overwhelming majority of professionals and those who work with these populations. There are plenty of others to speak from the side of the house (Tumblr and the various credibility-free discussion communities) that is devoid of anything credible to ground what they're saying in, so no need for me to defend that position. That isn't the intent. It's simply to provide an evidence-based perspective for people to consider. If they want to discard evidence and choose something based on what works for them, that's perfectly fine, as long as they have the opportunity to make an informed choice in doing so.
