Hey guys. I'm getting right to it. So during puberty, probably when I was 13 and getting aware of sexual stuff, I had this friend I had combined studies with. We had sexual experiences going on for whenever we would study which he and I both really enjoyed. It was all fun. Later on, he introduced me to yahoo chat rooms, and there he would go to hot girls' lounge while I would be silently wanting to go to the gay men's lounge. He showed me straight porn and all, to which I wasn't particularly aroused by. Cuz my sexual interest in guys had already been formed. So I didn't really regard girls with much interest, even though I would have a crush on a female cousin around the time (which was actually influenced by my friend). From gay chat rooms I jumped to hot gay pics or videos. And loved it. I was totally into it. I would masturbate about guys, I would have wet dreams about guys. Now why I'm having a problem here is that I wonder if I hadn't had exposure to gay stuff with my friend, I would very likely have looked at naked woman pics and straight porn, like all the other guys. I'm pretty sure cuz I would have heard my friends talk about sexy girls and I would have got influenced by that, and being a horny teenager, would have gone in the direction of straight stuff all the way. Damn that's so scary. It's scary cuz I have come to love gay stuff, I love hot men & all. There's just something about guys that kicked me off when I first watched them kissing & doing stuff in videos, even though guys can be nasty sometimes. So I would like to be just gay. And so the thought of being into women is scary. I'm open to straight stuff and I know it will be no problem if I actually have a genuine interest in girls, but sometimes it makes me defensive about my gayness cuz I just wanna just be gay like I said above. Could it be that I may enjoy straight stuff just cuz it's sexual stimulus, and I don't have a legit interest in girls ? It's confusing. This all makes me feel like my sexual orientation is so vulnerable. Anyways I have been thinking about women and have masturbated to me being with a girl. I noticed I sometimes need to frame myself mentally in a particular way to enjoy it. Then again, that may not have been required if I had been exposed to just straight stuff since puberty. I think overall it can be enjoyable though. I presently identify as Kinsey 4.5-5 cuz I know I can be aroused with a woman but would prefer to be with guys only. What do you guys think ? Do you think I may have been 'straight' all along ? Does anyone of you actually relate to this personally ? I would appreciate if you give some advice too along with your thoughts.
