First of all,before i begin my pile of emotions,I am currently 14,I'm about to be a freshman in highschool,I grow up in a VERYYYYYY homophobic family with a retired veteran dad and a workaholic mother (more screaming) I've never been weirded out by the idea of homosexuality or bi or tran or anything in that nature, even the fact i was raised to think it was wrong i never did.When I first heard of it I was a second grader eating lunch and doing what ever the hell 2nd graders do.I guess somehow the subject came up or something like that popped into my mind, but i remember thinking,I could fall in love with anyone.Thats that, i never felt a main attraction to a gender. In 3rd grade,I barely remember it, but I adored this girl,I thought she was so cool,and popular, and i was so happy when she talked to me I felt special. I don't know why but I walked up to her one day and just kissed her. Thats all i remember.(did i like her?!without knowing??(is that possible???)) In 6th grade I decided I was Bi.....then i was pan, bi again, unsure, undecided, bla bla bla I met a boy,lets skip the lovey dovy stuff, we have been dating for nearly two years ;-;,I love him with all my heart I do but something happen two months ago. (PS I hang out with mostly bi,trans,and gay people so their pretty open with touching, so yeah I've kissed girls before,alot,but these were people who were my best friends, and it was for a picture on some tumblr project) What happen was, I ran into this girl, two grades below me in 6th but she was wearing a flower crown, and this pink sweater, and she was very short but adorable( AND A MILLION OTHER THINGS) I don't even know her name..I call her Flower Girl,I always find my self looking for her,wanting to admire her in her flower crowns or girly attire. Ever since that day,I've lost COMPLETE AND TOTAL ATTRACTION IN MEN,actors and singers I was crazy about, I don't find attactive,its weird.I dont even feel attracted to my boyfriend,I LOVE HIM THOU, emotionally,but i dont want him to kiss me or anything anymore,it just doesn't feel right.EVERY DAY ( no exaggeration ) I ask myself, am I a lesbian? Am I just bi.Is this a phase? I can't tell you how many sites I've looked at, but its all still so confusing.I've never questioned my sexuality before, because its never been this difficult to have feelings for someone.My current boyfriend is the only person I've been with in my life. I keep picturing myself with a sweet,short,girly girl, wearing a flower crown.I can't stop picturing the perfect girl ( in my opinion of course ) I'm a gothic tomboy who would never wear a dress even if her life depended on it, but to see other girls in skirts and crop tops, and high heels or dresses, IT MAKES ME EXCITED. Also,this is embarrassing but if I watch porn,I can't watch straight porn.I'm one of those crazy gay romance girls who go PSYCHO over two men together,its beautiful,amazing,so much so I wish i was a man, I even have dreams i'm a man.I have watched les porn,just to see how i felt about it, but i felt nothing,it was interesting,I wasn't weirded out, i just didn't know what to feel No way i can get help from my parents, and my friends are a dead end. Am I bi, straight,going through a phase.:help::help::help::help::help::help::bang:
It seems that you have such a major crush on this girl that it's affected your 'straight' side. Do you think your general attraction towards men is more of society-influenced ? Since you're asking stuff related to sexuality, let's focus on that a bit. You said you can't watch straight porn. Do you have a particular reason for that ? You're madly into gay porn. And not into lesbian porn. What exactly is so appealing about 2 guys together ? Can you pinpoint a reason ? Thinking about this can help.
I obviously can't label you so won't but I can share my experience with you. I grew up thinking (or more so convincing myself) that I was straight. Like you though I was always very supportive of gay people and their right and couldn't care less about my stepdad's homophobic views. I thought they deserved love and shouldn't be discriminated against because of who they liked. I did grow up in an hetero-normative environment though so while I was gay-friendly and wouldn't have been disgusted by the idea of dating a girl it just never really crossed my mind and I was so unaware about bisexuality that I stupidly assume that liking guys meant I was straight and that those ''little feelings'' for girls was just a normal hormone thing or simply a phase. With hindsight there were lots of sign I liked girls but my main source of attraction and focus was guys. Well that was until I met my ''trigger crush''. My trigger crush definitely rocked my world upside down and made me feel for her what I had never felt before and during the few months I spent with her (and a while after) all I could think about was her and only her. I couldn't care less about all those attractive guys that were into me and that I would have been into on a normal basis because at that moment in time, there was only her. It is very common for bisexuals to go through phases of seeing their sexual attraction for one sex decrease while the attraction for the other sex increase, even more when you have a crush. For a very long time I was almost exclusively into guys and planning on living a complete hetero-normative life, but now all I can think about and want his girls/women. The thought of being with a man right now is extremely unappealing and definitely not something I want to pursue, yet I can clearly remember feeling the opposite two years ago. But regardless of the gender I am leaning for at the moment, when I crush on someone (regardless of their gender/sex) all I can think about and want is them. I couldn't care less about the hundred of hot chicks or hot guys in the streets because my crush is all that matters. I think that's what's happening here. You like that girl so nothing and no one else can compare to her, not even your boyfriend. I don't think you are a lesbian. You've fell for your boyfriend you were attracted to him before it's just that your mind and attention is focused on that whole 'new' person. It's not about her being a girl and him being a guy but about her being her and you finding her attractive. So yeah, I don't know what to advice but you should not worry. Definitely don't cheat though. If you think your relationship with your boyfriend isn't something that you want anymore then maybe it's best to call it off or maybe have a chat with your boyfriend about how you feel, and see what he says ? Good luck anyway as it must be a very confusing/tough time for you.(*hug*)
You might be different than me, but I find that if I have a major crush on a specific guy, I find boys more attractive, and vice verse with girls.
THIS. Switch the pronouns and this is very much my story as well. RoseC, I get like that too when I have a crush on a specific person. Until I move on or get over it, they're the ONLY thing I want. Regardless of what sex I lean towards at that time.
