Hi everyone! I'd like to know what you think of my sexuality and if anyone has gone through the same kind of troubles. So basically before this year I would think I was straight. I had crushes on girls, fantasised about girls... etc I was not really aware of my same-sex attraction even if I had some clues when I was 16 but nothing that lasted for long, I tried gay porn and I don't like it, I can't have an orgasm with it (even now while I'm much more cool with my sexuality). I'm masculine, I 've almost only straight male friends , I practise a lot of sport... Well, this year I noticed I had gay fantasies and an attraction to my male friends which is kind of uncommon I guess. I can't fantasise about any of them specifically when I m alone but I would fantasise about gay acts in themselves without a person in particular. But there are weeks when I get really aroused (I guess it's arrousal) when a random guy is not far from me. But when I say random it could be really ANYONE. It's not the person who attracts me but just the information that he is a guy. And my arrousal is most of the time a weird sensation in the chest which often stops when the guy leave the room for instance. And there are weeks where this attraction is almost not appearing at all. Concerning my relationship with girls, it's a bit complicated. When I was younger, I would dream to be with some girls but I was not very confident I guess (or maybe just gay) so I never tried. Now some girls notice me, I have a strange feeling that blocks me when things get a bit more intimate and even if I don't want to flirt, I have this unpleasant feeling that can make me lose all interest in the conversation I had with the girl. But when I look at porn, I rarely look at the guy and more at the girl, sometimes imagining I m the girl and others imagining I'm the guy with similar amounts of pleasure.Some weeks I have more straight fantasies and others more gay ones. I never felt in love with anyone but had strong friendships with guys (nothing romantically or sexual about it) almost none with girls (but I have always been in more masculine environment during my studies). I never slept with anyone too. I know I should experiment with a guy but it's a bit complicated for the moment so I would just like to know if someone relates with my story and why if anyone have similar issues to relate with girls even in a non-seductional context. I don't know if I'm afraid of girls or just intimacy with girls. Thank you.
