So I'm 13 and about 2 months ago I started noticing that I didn't think about guys straightly (at least by what I define as straightly). I started noticing more things about my friends than usual. Things like new shirts, nice hair and other things I've never commented on. I've even had my mind stray to boys during masturbation. The only concern I have is that I'm not really gay and I just have an attention problem. Most of the time I get comments about how good I am at certain things and I let it go to my head and everyone starts calling me a show off or an attention hog. I've been pondering asking my closest most open minded friend for help but I'm terrified he will say I'm just pretending for attention and that I'm not actually gay because I still look at porn of women. should I look to my friend for help or should I keep it to myself and am I just looking for attention?
I can't answer these questions for you, but a couple thoughts - First, lots of people watch all different kinds of porn, and porn in general is a terrible indicator of sexual orientation. Watching porn of women, or with women in it, is, at the end of the day, not going to tell you much. Second, if you feel like you've been noticing your male friends differently lately, and are starting to wonder if this might mean you're gay, then great - run with that thought for now. Start by taking yourself seriously and others will follow suit. If you decide to talk to your friend, it might be worth emphasizing that you're not ready to tell others (which it sounds like might be the case) - this might help head off the assumption that you're just looking for attention.
Hey. Only you know what you're feeling best. Sometimes one can get confused and need help in understanding them. But in the end, only you know your feelings best. Do you reaally think you comment on boys' looks for seeking attention ? You said you let your mind stray to masturbating to boys. How was it ? Did you really like the sexual feeling of being sexual with a guy ? Is it appealing to you ? Do you actually genuinely know that you want attention or does that attention-attraction connection just seem logically convincing to you ? Understand what is appealing to you regarding boys. Is the feeling is of a craving for attention ? Since this friend is very close to you and open minded, maybe you should ask him if you think he's open minded enough.
