So yeah, i've been tossing and turning over this for a while now! I've never really been given a proper definition of what Asexuality means unfortunately, i'm hoping some of you fine folk here can help me! I've never felt any sort of urge to have sex...it's just not a thing for me. People are attractive to me, but it's definitely more of aesthetic attraction? (if that's a term), like i like the way they look and that's usually about it! Any ideas people? :/
Technically speaking, one who is asexual has no sexual attraction. So if you do not want to have sex with anyone at any time, you are asexual. An anology is like this: Say there is only chicken and steak. Some people like only chicken, some people like only steak, and some people like both. Now your friend comes along and asks you, "You like chicken, right?" And you reply no. "So you must like steak?" No to that either. You are a vegetarian, you tell them. You neither want nor enjoy eating either meat. This doesn't mean you will *never* taste them, but if you did you would likely not want more. While sexuality is less rigid, this is a good generality. There are those who like guys, those who like girls, those who like both guys and girls, and finally those who like neither. Oftentimes 'sexual people' cannot fathom how one does not have that attraction. When I told my brother, for example, he protested that asexuality doesn't exist because he was not that way and therefore cannot understand. Some asexual people have had sex occasionally in their lives (all the biological aspects, such as arousal, still work). But ace people do not feel the sex-based attraction to other people as is common. A good experiment would be this. Ask someone you know is totally gay or straight, how they feel about the sex they are not attracted to. Ask them how they gauge beauty or what they find aesthetically attractive in that gender, and also what they do not care for or notice. Then ask them what they notice and find "hot" about the sex they are attracted to. Remember the differences. You may want to interview several people like this. Then compare those descriptions to your own experience and what you see in people as attractive or not.
Wikipedia Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity. Asexuality.org An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction Basically, asexuality is not feeling sexual attraction. You seem like you could be asexual, but really, the only person that can decide whether or not you're asexual is you. I'd suggest looking at Asexuality.org and other websited about asexuality, and talking to asexuals, asking them questions, etc. If you ever have any questions and you don't know who to ask, you can always ask me. I'll answer any questions you have to the best of my knowledge. Good luck!
Being asexual myself, I have always considered it as an indifference or aversion to sex. When I read romance novels I think "that's good shit" but the idea of it happening to me... NO THANKS. I'm not interested in having sex for any reason and it actually makes me nervous thinking about having it. Because you said you have no urge to have sex, you might be some form of asexual. I find people attractive too but I don't want sex. I can look at a person and think they're sexy or beautiful but I don't want to sleep with them. Like those above me said, asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction. If you feel no sexual attraction then you might be asexual.
There's only one widely accepted definition of asexuality, and that is as a sexual orientation equivalent to homo or heterosexuality... one that is hardwired and unchangeable. "a" in Latin means "without" so "asexual" is "without sexuality". No attraction, no interest, no desire, no arousal, nothing. That's the widely-accepted definition. Asexuality has been studied for some 70 years along with other sexual orientations. It definitely exists, but is very rare. There are a bunch of tiny-but-loud organizations aggressively promoting other, unrecognized definitions. However, none of these are widely accepted, and there is neither any consistency to those definitions, nor are they grounded in any credible research, study, or even a consensus of professionals. Basically, the unrecognized definitions are a moving target, and depending on whose definition you read, almost anyone can meet the definition. I do not recommend asexuality.org or any of the other splinter groups because none of their information is grounded in accepted thinking, or credible data or research. If you like crowdsourced groupthink, they're fine. If you like reliable information... not so much. So... to answer your question, based on what you describe, it's highly unlikley you're asexual, if we're using the widely-accepted definition. It's far more likely that either you simply haven't connected to your sexual self yet (some people don't make that connection until some time in their early-mid 20s), and it's also possible you have other issues that may be suppressing interest in sexual attraction... depression, anxiety, aggression, various medications, and certain early childhood or family-of-origin issues can all impact sexual attraction and result in low or nonexistent sex drive. So, before adopting a label that (if you're using the widely-accepted definition) says you are permanently and irrevocably without any sexual attraction or arousal, it makes sense (to me anyway) to first rule out whether there are other factors that may be impacting how you experience yourself and your connection to sex. If, after doing that, there's nothing else that could be contributing to the lack of arousal and attraction, then asexuality may be a possibility.
People have pretty much covered it for me. Asexuality just means you...don't feel sexual attraction. It's just...not a thing. Like, sure, biological stimulation and such still works, but...you just...don't feel sexual attraction. I myself am rather sex-repulsed. The idea of having sex makes me sick. Like...physically sick, I have nearly vomited when exposed to some things like that. However, being sex-repulsed is not the only form of asexuality, and it is possible that you fall somewhere on the ace spectrum. After all, your perspective on physical attraction sounds pretty similar to my own. Gray (YinYang) mentioned above that talking to asexual people is a good idea. I very much agree on their statement and also offer my help should you ever need it. Good luck, Blythe.
Lots of information to think over! Thank you all for your responses. ---------- Post added 21st May 2016 at 12:07 PM ---------- Yeah excactly, i still have a libido and such, i just honestly don't feel that urge to have sex with someone. Thinking about it makes me feel a bit meh to be honest! Thank you for your helpful advice!! ^_^ (*hug*)
May I ask for some reliable information...? I mean, do you know of any good articles or something? I'm asking because I really thought asexuality is what people at asexuality.org etc. say it is. Not sure why they'd claim it's something it's not.
I'm not sure why, either. I suspect it grew out of somebody's desire to label what is actually an underlying dual diagnosis of a psychological issue (the anxiety, depression, and other issues I alluded to earlier) and call it good, rather than actually addressing the actual underlying issues. What we do know is that for an awful lot of those who self-label that way, after a period of time, they figure out that this really isn't who they are, and then they're really unhappy that they wasted whatever amount of time believing they had no possibility of having a healthy, fully engaged relationship that included the sexual piece along with the other aspects of a relationship. What information are you looking for specifically, so I can point you in the right direction? The issue is, asexuality as it is widely recognized is rare and so most of the study and material on it is either pretty clinical or in the form of academic research that usually is part of a larger study on sexual attraction and arousal. If you can give a better idea of what specifically you are after, I can better respond.
Sorry for the late reply. I guess I'm kind of looking for information on asexuality actually being, as you put it, "an underlying dual diagnosis of psychological issue". That goes against everything I've learned about asexuality. I thought I was asexual for a while (until I realised I think I'm into women and have problems with anxiety etc. when it comes to sex) so I spent quite a bit of time at asexuality.org. Doing so, I was told that asexuality isn't caused by psychological issues and that even people who are perfectly healthy (both physically and mentally) are fully capable of being asexual and have no interest in sex whatsoever. And even though that probably wasn't the case for me personally, I still thought that's the truth for most people who identify as asexual. I mean, there must be a reason why some scientists claim asexuality is a valid sexual orientation, right? Also, I have no problem with studies that are pretty clinical etc.
There's a really good article I found a while back that is based on interviews with asexual people and clears up some misconceptions surrounding asexuality and also gives some insight into how asexual people feel about attraction and sexuality. I agree with all the definitions above, and obviously everyone is different in terms of their sexual orientation and attraction, but perhaps you can see if you relate to any of these people as well? I don't know - just a thought. Link is here.
