I identify as pans-gray-romantic/sexual and I'm hardly ever romantically or sexually attracted to someone but I'm also a big romantic and love the idea of being in love. I used to be able to have a massive crush on a celebrity for months but now even that's shortened until a couple of days; same with people I know in real life. I have absolutely no desire to be with someone physically but in my head I want people to desire me and be the one they want regardless of knowing that I wont have sex with them or be in a relationship. Also most of the population want sex, and to cuddle and kiss a lot but I dont like any of those things either (kissing is nice in small amounts) and I have to find them really aesthetically attractive before I feel anything past that but then there's so many other things that stop me from being attracted to someone past what they look like. I require all of my affection and intimacy from platonic relationships/friendships but that doesn't come around often because ive found the older teenagers get the less affectionate they are because theres so many connotations behind it...How am I going to be happy and not lonely always thinking there's something missing but not being able to acquire the piece because of my own afflictions and always thinking I'm undesirable because people know they cant get anything out of me?
No one is destined to be alone, but if you're happy on your own that's cool too (I know one of my uncles is like that). Just by being yourself, you'll attract different people into your life, whether it be just friends or something more.
First of all, your happiness and well-being comes first no matter what. I know it's more an issue of other people here, but it's still important to remember in this that if other people want things that you don't want/can't provide, then that says nothing about your worth and your ability to make others happy. I've been dealing with similar feelings and fears for a while. Sometimes people will tell me I'll find the right one some day, and I have heard stories on EC of that happening to people, maybe because they mature a bit romantically/sexually or just meet a person that they click with more once they're a bit older. Either way, that shouldn't be your main goal for happiness. Why do you think you want to have a relationship in the future? (Not saying that's a bad thing) I have found that one problem I face is that I've come to view a serious relationship, as many do, as the end-all-be-all, like once I get there I'll be really happy like everyone else. That's not a good way to think. That is not the end-all-be-all in life. What makes a person truly happy is trying be content with what they have. I'm not saying you shouldn't want a relationship, I'm just saying this because someone else pointed that out to me. I'd gotten so caught up in my fears and I think part of it was losing something I'd always expected I'd have. Bottom line is, you never, ever know what could happen in the future and how you'll change and the experiences you have. But you have to remember that your feelings are real and they're yours and you deserve true happiness and healthy relationships. If something wouldn't make you happy, then it's not for you. And just remember if you're feeling a certain way, chances are someone else in the world feels or has felt exactly the same, so you're never alone. I wish you the best<3
