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I don't know if I'm gay

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Nbaker, May 24, 2016.

  1. Nbaker

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    I hope that by writing out all the shit that is going through my head right now will give me some sort of peace and hopefully advice from others. So I'm sixteen years old living in New York City (probably one of the most LGBTQ accepting places in the US) and yet I can't admit to anyone that I think i'm gay. For the longest time I thought I was only attracted to guys. I thought about them, dreamed about the, etc. until about 7th grade. Suddenly, everything changed and I started to see my friends who were girls the same way I saw guys. Maybe even more. Since then I've fancied almost all of my really close girl friends. Although one of them has a boyfriend I still think she's super attractive. Oh and then theres this one girl. Let's call her Rose. She's the one that always makes me jealous when she talks to other guys and or up with them right in front of me. Yet, some part of me thinks that deep down she's putting a front on too, but that's probably just me. Anyways, I'm not really sure what to think as of right now. I really really do think some girls are attractive, but at the same time there are a few guys that I don't mind either. However, I'm unsure if I'm forcing that second feeling because of denial. However, one thing I know for sure is I'm definitely not straight. I can picture myself with both genders, but in a perfect world with a girl. Confusing as hell. :bang: Just to be clear I'm 1000% positive that my family and friends would be accepting of the fact that I'm not straight, but something just stops me when I try to say anything. Everything just closes up and it kills me. Ok....Now I'm done ranting. Hope someone can relate to what I'm going through.
     
    #1 Nbaker, May 24, 2016
    Last edited: May 24, 2016
  2. trebella

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    I relate so much! The knowing you'd be accepted but still being scared, being unsure if your attraction to some men is forced...I feel that so much. I'm also 16 and everyone says to just give it time but wow, easier said than done. I can't really stop thinking about it. When I first figured out I wasn't straight, I sent an email (slightly less scary) to a couple of friends who also aren't straight, and having them to talk to definitely helped me.
     
  3. Nbaker

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    Wow. I don't know why but your message made me really happy. Finally I can talk to someone about how I feel and not be scared shitless. I am curious though as to what's it been like since you've told them. Have you begun to open up more?

    As for me I have very straight friends. They would be fine with it but some part of me doesn't want to change the dynamic of my friendship with them. I feel like it would be different. Oh and the people I know that are open and not straight at my school aren't exactly people I would talk to. Not saying I don't like them, but I would have a hard time connecting with them.
     
  4. trebella

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    It was because of them that I finally told my dad, and that went very well. My mom found out when she went through my phone and advised me not to come out at school, which I'm not sure how I feel about. Changing the dynamic of my friendship with my school friends is definitely my worry too. I think when I do come out to them, I'll just make sure to say that I don't want anything to change with us. Does your school have a GSA or anything that you could go as an "ally"?
     
  5. Nbaker

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    That's the thing. If I ever do come out I'll probably say the same thing that " I don't want anything to change with us" but I know something will. Every time I go out to hang with them something will feel a little bit different. I don't know if that will be good or bad. And yes my school does have a GSA. However, I don't think I can get myself I can bring myself to actually sign up and go to one of them. I think I would feel super uncomfortable.