Hi everyone! I'll just jump straight ahead to my "issue": I have no clue what my sexual identity is. I'm a 21 year old woman who has always seen myself somewhere between hetero and bisexual, but as of lately I'm leaning more towards the bisexual side/middle. I have only ever fallen in love with men, but never had a relationship with one or had sex with one (I'm pretty shy and awkward). So I'm still a virgin (haven't had a relationship with a woman either). When I'm in love with a man I imagine him and me, I want to touch him all the time, want to have sex with him. However, I'm now unsure if I'd actually like to have sex with a man, and it makes me really anxious. You see, I pretty much only watch lesbian porn, and when I masturbate without porn, I get off most easily if I imagine myself with a woman. However, when I just daydream I think about men and it makes me happy, and I still feel attraction towards men. So basically I'm more emotionally attracted to men, but sexually to women. I don't know what to make out of this as this is something completely new to me, I haven't felt like this before. I have a lot of anxiety and have questioned my sexuality many times in the last 9 years or so, but this time it's a lot worse. I'm worried I'll fall in love with a man only to get extremely anxious about the sex (what if I don't like it, what if I can't get wet/orgasm et.c.) and mess up a good relationship. What can I do to stop overthinking this so much? I used to just feel happy and satisfied imagining having sex with men but now it makes me so anxious. I've always felt that my lesbian fantasies were just fantasies and nothing I wanted to act on, but now I don't even know... The anxiety I'm experiencing on a daily basis has also made my lust for real-life sex fade, and it just makes it even harder to tell what's going on. I appreciate every answer I can get, I'm really tired of questioning and just want to get on with my life, but it's really difficult for some reason...
I don't really have an answer for you but I can relate to what you are feeling. I have had relationships with men and was married to one, and I guess I wanted sex with men but I never enjoyed it. (I'm not saying you wouldn't enjoy it!) I do fantasize about men, particularly celebrity crushes, but when I let myself fantasize about women it's very stimulating to me. And right now what I feel is that I want a relationship with a woman, not because I feel antipathy toward men but just because... I do. I'm sorry I don't have a better answer for you. Anxiety is really rough though and I hope you can move past that somehow and find some peace.
All I have to say is, from what I've heard, porn isn't a good indicator of sexuality, but fantasies are. Sooooooo, you may be bi or straight. But don't worry! I know, questioning is super annoying but you'll figure it out! Only you can figure yourself out and know what you're into Hope this helped, - Raven
