Hey everyone, I'm a 14 year old male, and I'm kinda sort really struggling here. With what, you ask? Well, you probably already know the answer, my sexuality (why else would I be here, right?). Alright, now that introductions are out of the way, I can finally get started here. First and foremost, I am not straight, that's not what's in question right now. I'm struggling with two things right now, first and foremost, I'm not entirely sure whether I am gay or asexual. Now, the only reason why I am wondering this is because after looking it up online, I have decided that no part of the female body that is sexualized is attractive to me at all. Furthermore, I simply cannot imagine myself in any sort of romantic relationship with anyone that is a girl. I think it's safe to say I'm not heterosexual. Now, my only problem here is that while I do generally find the male body attractive, I don't find any guys I go to school with attractive... Seriously, they all bear an uncanny resemblance to overcooked potatoes. However, I can imagine myself in a romantic relationship with guys in general, just not those who attend my human-potato hybrid filled school. Now, even though I'm fairly sure I already know the answer to this question, am I gay or asexual? Now for the second question, this is the one I am struggling with much more. I understand that coming to terms with your sexuality at an age as young as 14 is very rare, which is what leads to my problem. Regardless of whether I'm gay or asexual (again, pretty sure I already know the answer), I'm hesitant about coming out to anyone, really. Why? I don't want anyone bitching about how "it's just or phase" or that "I'm too young to know". The second part of my problem is that I don't want to remain in the closet any longer, regardless of my age, keeping a secret like this from everyone I know makes me feel like there's an anvil on my chest at all times. I'm also worried about homophobes, because the area I live in is largely religious, and also largely Republican (several Trump and Cruz supporters). I'm not so worried about coming out to my friends, they're all, for the most part, rather accepting of the LGBT+ community, and I even have one friend who is openly gay. In summation, what do I do? Do I come out now and ignore the people who tell me I don't know what I am saying, or do I wait a couple of years? Thanks in advance and sorry for the long and inarticulate post, Bahh
I would say don't be too quick to dismiss finding the male body attractive and seeing yourself in a relationship with a guy. Schools are not great places to find attractive people, both because we're all going through puberty and we all tend to be a little obnoxious personality wise. Maybe focus on imagining an ideal relationship and try to envision who that would be with, since real life isn't the best indicator. When it comes up coming out young, I feel you. When I told my mom I liked girls, she was insistent that it was a phase and just "admiration" and totally platonic. But at the end of the day, it feels a lot better to be open with her. You say you're in a less than accepting area, but do you think you'd be safe? If not, it might be better to wait until you're able to support yourself financially.
I knew I would forget something, and you have pointed out exactly what I have forgotten. I thank you for that. I have no idea how my parents would react. Why? They're liberal, but the only political topic they ever really talk about is immigration, since my parents and I immigrated from Brazil when I was rather young. I have never heard my parents say one thing about the LGBT+ community without me bringing it up 'subtly'. When I do talk about it, my parents dismiss it rather quickly. The last time we tried to have a conversation of the sort went kind of like this: "Hey mom, dad, did you know gay marriage became legal in Brazil before it became legal in the United States?" I know, I'm so great at being subtle. This was my mother's reply, "In Brazil, there are some laws that stick, and others that don't. This one didn't. If you are gay in Brazil, you'll get the crap beat out of you on the street." My father didn't bother to say anything. In other words, I have no idea what they'll say/do if I come out. Once again, so sorry for the inarticulate post...
It sounds like your mother doesn't think much of gay marriage, which sounds like a positive thing (compared to actively condemning gay people). Do they know about your out gay friend?
I want you to know your potato description made me laugh hard, so thanks for that. I agree with trebella, don't judge those potatoes too harshly, everyone at that age looks super awkward. I'd say most importantly in this kind of situation is your comfort and safety. Your very young, I'm not saying this makes your orientation less valid but you still have lots of time to discover more about yourself. By default even if you come out and everyone has a liberal stance, they still might not take you seriously due to age. If you do decide to come out now, you'll have to acknowledge this issue. I'd recommend stating how you feel and being honest, if people dismiss you anyway, just move on. Eventually with time, they might realize you know what your talking about. You said your environment is conservative, if you come out now are you ok with the possible negativity you may face? You should make sure you have a support system available to you just in case. Your friends sound like a good source. From what you said your parents don't sound obviously anti-lgbt but you haven't had much success talking about the subject either. Tabella asked if your parents know about your gay friend, I'm curious too. You could use him as a conversation point. Maybe mention how supportive your friends are for him and ask if they think it's nice in today's age. I know it can be hard denying a part of who you are. Feeling like your lying and cheating yourself and others (I personally can't do it). But the factors of your health physical, emotional, and mental should be taken into careful consideration.
I'm terribly sore for taking so long to get back to you guys, I'm traveling without good internet, and I thank you both for being so supportive. Anyhow, my parents know of the existence of my pit gay friend, but his sexuality has never come up in conversation, so they just assume he's straight, and being as socially awkward as I am, I can't find the right moment to bring it up in a conversation, I'm not good at anything related to conversations, really. I'm much more eloquent when I'm writing, and even that's not saying much. Once again, thanks for being so nice! o:
Hey, it's Wisconsin. A lot of those guys spend those long Winters (Canada is nearby) playing video games and eating Doritos. No wonder many don't turn your crank. Of course, feasting on internet pics won't make the comparison any more favorable to them. All humor aside, just be careful how much you let the opinions of others unduly influence those core questions you're asking yourself. These are your questions, and you can take some time to answer them. And last, anybody your age who writes the word "inarticulate" isn't. Like someone else, I had a good laugh at the concept of teenaged potatoes.
