Everytime I've posted something here it's been about the same crush and today is no different. I'm not really sure what I'm looking to get out of posting, I don't think I need advice, I just have no one I can talk to about this situation. The last time I posted a few months ago it was about me thinking my crush possibly having mutual feelings for me and him possibly being bi as well, mainly because of vague flirtations on both our parts. After posting last time I seriously wanted to try being more direct in flirting with him. I thought about daring him to kiss me or being really touchey feely the next time we hung out but I was too scared that I'd out myself. So I concluded that I'd rather have his friendship than anything else and I was doing really good up until a few weeks ago. The last time I posted he had just went overseas on vacation for an annoyingly long time and I was caught up in my feelings. I told myself I was gonna really go for it when he got back but when he did we seriously did not hang out for weeks after. In all the time I came to my senses so to speak and decided being friends was best. We got together once to eat lunch before work but nothing like the long nights of drinking I was used to with him. No flirting, no funny enuendo, nothing. We'd text here and there after but I tried my best to kinda let my feelings for him go. Fast forward to about a week and a half ago, I hadn't gone out late night with him but one day he text me asking if I wanted to go out to have a few drinks with him and some old friends he was trying to show a good time. They had been bar hopping for a little bit. I considered blowing him off but it had been weeks since I had seen him and I missed him. At first I said no but after a few hours I text to see where they were and they weren't far from me and he coerced me with promises of buying me a few shots. Now of all the joking we do with each other, grabbing each others butt, pet names and calling each other sexy, it was his reaction to seeing me for the first time in a few weeks that had me confused more than anything. His face lit up when he saw me, huge smile on his face and he literally hugged me extra tight for a long time. Granted he had been drinking. He introduced me to his buds then we went to the bar for drinks and that huge smile never left his face. I remember asking him if he thought I wasn't coming and he told me he had been hoping I'd show up and that he'd been telling his friends all about me. At some point he put his arm around my shoulder while we waited for the bartender and he began telling me how good a friend I was and about how he loved hanging out with me, the whole time he kept smiling a staring me directly in the eyes. I pretty much melted. I made a joke about how him talking like that made me excited and he reached down and grabbed my junk with no hesitation. He just laughed and I brushed it off cause I figured he was drunk. We all hung out a while after that, hitting up a few different places and it seemed like everytime we'd catch eyes he'd light up like before, I know I did too. I couldn't help it. I remember at some point he hugged me from behind and laid his head on my shoulder. I didn't know what to do, one of his buddies just laughed. Not really sure how much to blame on the alcohol. Since that night he's literally all I can think about. We've hung out a few times since then and he's done other things that have me questioning him but what's making it really difficult for me is he's recently met a chick that he has real strong feelings for. He's been asking my advice about her and I've even met her and everything but he still did flirty gay stuff in front her. I just don't know what to do anymore. Thanks to anyone that's read this far, I really just need some open ears sometimes.
