When I read about the San Paulo Pride on the Internet, I saw everyone in their garishly glittery clothes, flaunting their rainbow flags and proudly celebrating their "gayness". However, as a 16 year old whose family comes from a ramrod-straight culture, which has probably never experience an ounce of the rainbow, I wish I was just straight, just like everyone else. It's not that I am homophobic. Some of my close friends are gay and I fiercely defend them if anyone dares to throw a homophobic slur. However, when it comes to me, I am afraid to don the label. I have known that I "liked" guys for a while. Since last year I finally decided that I was probably bi (something I am still unsure of for many many reasons) and come out to some of my closest friends. If I am being frank, I would be happily bi if it wasn't for one reason: my family. I live in London, one of the most LGBT-friendly cities in the world and I really don't care if a Bible-basher condemns me to hell but when it comes to my family I am tongue-tied. Naturally, I owe a great deal to my parents so I am terrified to disappoint them in any way. My culture seems on the surface a fairly "gay-friendly" one. The dominant religion is Buddhism, so religion can't really be used to denounce homosexuality. My parents are also staunchly against homosexuality, so it is unlikely that I will be married off to a random Asian girl. But the mention of the word "gay" in a conversation can create the most colossal ruckus that it sends the ceiling flying! Boys are meant to play cricket and get girlfriends. Not swoon for guys. I have tried to test the field of LGBT-tolerance but whenever I try the results are disastrous. A single person can't change such a fixed mentality of ignorance in a lifetime so I am faced with an ultimatum: leave my family behind or conform. I wish I wasn't bi. Although I am mostly gay (around 4 - 5 on the Kinsey scale), there is some "straightness" left inside of me so there is the chance that I could just ignore the guys. Is that possible? Or should I just accept my bisexuality and give up on my family?
Those are both horrible choice for their own reasons. The trick is that there are other options that you might not be aware of. You have the option of living your own life separate from your parents, but not necessarily giving up on them. For example, I have a friend who is Indian. He loves his family and he would never be able to just leave them behind. He has been out to friends, but he remains in the closet with his family. Its tricky and sometimes its hard, but it works for him. He has been able to date, hang out with friends, and live his life like this for close to 10 years now. If that works for you, then try it out. If it doesn't, get creative. Find a women who is okay with you being bisexual. That way you can have a seemingly straight relationship for your parents, but you also get the chance to be honest with yourself and your partner. There is more than one way to live your life as a LGBT man. You have to find whatever works for you
Most families come around eventually, even the really conservative ones. The idea they have of homosexuality and homosexuals can change because you give a face to the issue. As many stories you read of people running away from their parents because of their sexuality, you'll read far more stories of acceptance. If you think that will never happen with your family, I thought the same thing until I came out to them.
