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am i bisexual?? feels so right and so wrong at the same time...

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by jessthehuman, May 31, 2016.

  1. jessthehuman

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    so I'm 16, i've never had a romantic or sexual relationship with anyone and i'm currently very confused about my sexuality.

    I've always assumed I was straight, because society is heteronormative and all. But looking back, i used to have crushed on my (female) primary school teachers and the more i think about it the more i feel attracted to both genders. I scored a 3 on the kinsey scale, but for some reason a part of me refuses to accept the fact i might be bi.

    Like, images of women turn me on, but at the same time, i can't imagine having actual sex with a women compared to how i can imagine having actual sex with a man. And like, i don't find women attractive in the same way i find men attractive...but then again im more attracted to personalities that looks so i just dont know!!!!

    When i look in the mirror, i practice saying 'im straight' and 'im bi' and i don't know which one feels more right! I've only recently started questioning so maybe its that, but its really confusing my and I just want to be comfortable with my sexuality like everyone else. Also i'm scared of coming out to people because i feel like that would mean i would 'commit' to being bi and i don't know if im ready for that commitment????

    felt good to get that off my chest tho tbh
     
  2. Lin1

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    I am going to tell you a bit of my story as I have been through the same thing.

    Denial was huge for me as, as you said, we live in a very heteronormative world in which we want to fit in. And bisexuality makes it easy. Well easy, not really, but easier to convince ourselves that we do fit in because you know, we like the opposite sex and if we like the opposite sex surely we are straight, right ? Well wrong! (in my case)
    My bisexuality made it sooo easy for me to stay in the closet and so hard to be true to myself and how I felt. I took my attraction for guys as the ''ultimate'' evidence that I was straight, chosing (purposely) to solely focus on that rather than what I felt for girls, brushing this as a 'phase' or 'silly hormones'. To be fair I wasn't really lying, unlike lesbians, I was genuinely attracted to guys so it was easy to just join in in conversations and comments about how cute a guy was and so on.
    I remember though that when a song called '' Lola'' came out in my country about a girl falling in love with another girl and finding out that she liked girl as much as she did men I became obsessed with it and my first thought was ''damn, finally someone feels the same way I do.'' Obviously I quickly brushed that off in a ''Nah, I am totally straight'' moment and supressed it the thing was that in the year that would follow (and the ones before that) I would still develop what I know reckon were crushes on girls and would still become quietly obsessed with any lesbian singer/ songs/character/storylines...
    Denial was so strong that I even had sex with a girl and still considered myself fully straight as it was ''just experimenting'' and I ''didn't really like the girl''. :rolle:

    Denial went on for years until I met my trigger crush at age 18. What I felt for her was so strong that there was just no way for me to deny it, no matter how much I tried I just couldn't. She was the living proof that I wasn't as straight as I had pretended all these years and it was teriffying, it had to make me rethink everything. Like was it just her? Was I attracted to other girls too? Had I been gay all my life ? Could I date a girl ?
    All those questions were quite hard to answer but looking into my past helped me a lot finding the little clues that obviously pointed toward the bi sign.

    I still couldn't imagine myself dating a girl. I could picture myself dating her (kind of) cause I liked her, but a girl? it just sounded crazy to me, so unlike me and a bit odd.

    Fast forward two years now and women is what I am all about right now, to the point where dating guys is a crazier (and cringier! :grin:) thought than dating a woman.

    I don't know if you are bi, and it's not my role to label you, and of course there is much more to my story than this but I just wanted to share a bit of it with you to tell you that it's not uncommon for our brain to reject signs of bisexuality, like the idea of dating a girl and else. When you are in denial about something your brain rejects everything that doesn't fit the story you are supposed to live and manipulate the truth to fits what it wants it to portray.

    I personally wish I hadn't repressed my feelings for that long and had accepted myself quicker than I did. Life is too short and being open about my sexuality and true to myself has made me much happier than I was and much more appreciative of my friends, who have been absolutely amazing with me and extremely supportive.

    So all in all, you may or may not be bi (personally I think you are), don't stress about it, just try and remain true to yourself/your feelings and go with the flow. As long as you are honest with yourself and happy, the rest doesn't matter. :slight_smile:

    Good luck ! (*hug*)
     
  3. Invidia

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    Your story is cute and touching, Linning. :slight_smile:

    OP, if you scored a Kinsey 3 you're probably not 100% straight, right?
    Maybe another thing you can say in the mirror is "whatever I am, that's okay", or maybe even better "whoever I am, that's okay". Take your time to let your feelings sink in. Labels may come in later. But don't repress your feelings. Contending with the urge to label is one thing, it's quite another to think that you should not feel something or to talk yourself into that you are not feeling something at the same time as you're feeling it.

    Good luck, xoxo

    ---------- Post added 1st Jun 2016 at 02:51 PM ----------

    And btw, I also think bi/pan feels so right but so wrong, but maybe for another reason. I know I like guys a lot, but I do also know that I'm attracted to women and everyone else too, just not, like, 50/50 or anything, but quite a lot in favor of boys. Therefore I'm kind of stuck in label land between bi and straight.... it's kind of annoying... ^^
     
  4. kypso

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    Try saying I am not straight, this might suit better than a label? :slight_smile:
     
  5. caliwoman

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    Yes, yes, and yes. I identify so much with this story.

    At 33, I fell in love w/a woman and am still in love with her, but the feelings are FINALLY waning. I felt the same way, "Is it just HER? But I'm not attracted to women in general."

    I've had two other crushes on women in real life, but they weren't as strong as the one last year when I was 33. I chalked those crushes up to being a phase, because I was a teenager.

    OP, best to experiment now (I think). I'm 34, been married for over a decade, have debts and responsibilities w/my husband and then I think about our respective families and I don't want to hurt him...but it seems like one of us might end up hurt. The only upside is that we don't have children.
    My fertility issues have been a blessing in disguise there.