Im not going to make this too long. For as long as I can remember I was attracted to girls. I have had 4 girlfriends and slept with all of them. I enjoyed it very much and constantly looked at girls. I lived my life without question and constantly hit on girls and noticed girls. I had a coworker who would jokingly call me gay because I had many girl friends that told me they just wanted to be friends, so we just hung out as that. Fast forward to college and I was 22. I was interested in a girl in class. We went out and she told me she just wanted to be friends. I really wanted to date this girl and this just made me extremely upset. I went to bed that night wondering why all these girls just wanted to be my friend. I woke up the next morning and bam, first thought was is it because they think Im gay? Then it spiraled out of control. Its been 6 years now that I have had this debate of questioning my sexuality. Not a day goes by that i dont think about it or look at things. I have no problem with gay people and have gay friends and have supported them. Now every time i look at a girl, the first thought is just a voice that is like gaaaayyy. If I get stressed or anixeity over school or any other issue, the first thing that comes is your gay thats why. It could have nothing to do with my sexual orientation to begin with. Because it has gone on for so long, I have lost all attraction to any sex. I have no real desire to do anything with a gay. Though I have told myself because i want to resolve this, I would be open to the idea. However, it is not something I think about heavily nor do. I have watched coming out videos, videos featuring gay people and couples to help see if that would help. It doesnt really offer and insight and I simply find some of them funny or things they talk about I can not relate to. I have strayed away from any relationship. I do find myself hitting on girls when out and about. I am currently numb to everything and have no desire in sex, so that makes it all the more difficult to figure out. I believe this is due to the depression/stress/anxiety that this has brought on. Any insight would be helpful. Just looking for any help.
Just Lost, I think that even though it might not be intentional, staying away from relationships and sex is one of the better things you can do right now. If you meet someone you want to be with, that's great, go for it, but if not, I would suggest to focus on yourself. I have found that in moments (or periods, or years, or eras) of confusion, it is good to try to listen to yourself. Listen to what your mind is telling you, what your body is telling you, what your heart is telling you. If you can, pick up a book on mindfulness to learn specific techniques. I have found that often, I have to filter out all the opinions and expectations of other people before I can try to figure out what I am feeling or thinking. My personal advice is as follows, but by no means should it be the final word on the topic: Don't listen to others when it comes to your sexuality. At the end of the day, you're the one who has to live your life. If other people say or imply that you're gay, it means nothing. If you think you're gay, you might want to try going out with another man and see how it feels. Don't push yourself beyond your comfort level, though. You have your entire life to figure this out, and just because you think or say or decide you are gay, straight, bi, or any other sexual identity now, it doesn't mean that you have to be that same identity for the rest of your life. I think you're pressuring yourself to figure this out now, and it's causing you a lot of unnecessary anxiety. Allow yourself to understand that you are in a transition period, and it is OKAY to be uncertain. Val
Thank you. I have been struggling for 6 years or so and just want to begin to enjoy life again. My attractions have just faded. Just thoughts in my head say, you're gay. Why are you doing this, you're gay. Yet I truly have no desire to do anything with another guy. But the same goes for girls. It's been confusing. It goes worse when I have anxiety or depression.
Just wanted to revisit this. Every time I look at a girl that o think I'm attracted too my mind always comes back like remember you're gay. Or when I'm browsing over the Internet and there's a guy that shows up, it causes me anxiety. Then I sit there and force myself to look at it and see if I like it. I'm still pretty confused. On one hand my mind says you're gay. On the other hand in day to day life I find myself looking at girls. I have even gone out of my way to hang out with gay people to see if my feelings change. Oddly when I'm with gay people I don't seem to worry about my sexuality, and feel more straight than ever. I have no desire to do anything with them, but they're not different to talk to than anyone else. All of this leaves me more confused. I used to list over girls and even the slightest touch with a girl used to turn me on and get me going. I've tried the fantasizing thing that everyone mentions here. My mind is unable to focus. When thinking about guys it's pretty boring and I pretty much lose all interest. When focusing about girls it's better but then I get anxiety and the thought of you're guy why are you doing this comes into my head, which then kills that.
Why does a girl telling you that they want to be friends mean you're gay? Maybe it means they are just a bitch?
This sounds like OCD to a large extent (I understand, trust me). Just see a doctor and deal with it mentally. Does that mean you are or are not gay? No. But get through the first later to decode the rest.
