Hi there, I'm new to this forum so I might be taking a shot in the dark here. I'm here because I'm confused with myself and it's been eating me up for a while now. I'm in university and surrounded by sex all the time, mostly straight though. I'm not opposed to it and I've only ever done anything with girls, but I'm finding that I'm more attracted sexually to men. I find myself looking at men more than women at clubs but for purely sexual reasons. With that said however, when I see a woman I can see that she's beautiful and would like to see her naked but don't feel I could do anything as sexual with her as I could a guy. I admire woman for the beauty and personality more and so I only ever picture my self in a relationship with a woman. I'm finding that I identify most with the label heteroromantic homosexual (maybe bisexual) but I haven't met anyone like this and am just confused all around. I feel like I want a relationship with a woman but for romantic reasons... So I can spoil her and make her happy. I'm afraid to approach anyone though because the first think that seems to be on everyone's mind is sex and I'm scared I wouldn't be able to fulfill. I'm not entirely sure what my question is... I think I just want to know if anyone can identify with me. Thanks in advance
Hey there and welcome to EC! Sexuality is complex, so sure you could be heteromantic bisexual/homosexual. BUT, I'll give a little bit of insight solely based on my experience. I felt the same way when I was still coming out to myself. I was trying to compromise with myself- sure guys are sexually attractive, but I couldn't be emotionally and romantically attracted to guys. Over time (and a lot of time watching LGBT youtubers and their stories) I realized that I never be in any sort of relationship (besides friendship) with a woman. It was really just guilt, denial, and society's expectations, that made me feel like I was romantically attracted to woman. So especially if you've just recently admitted your attraction to guys, give it time, don't stress too much about it and maybe do a little bit of looking into LGBT on YouTube. You may be heteromantic, or you may just be in the process of figuring yourself out
I totally second what the guy above said. It's just YOU never being used to thinking of relationships with anyone but girls. You are probably a bit scared about being gay and think you could pull the whole thing off by dating an asexual woman. I do not believe in such thing as "being able to harbor SOLELY sexual attraction towards a gender". Okay, maybe you experience that for some people, but you eventually have to fall for someone in the category that turns you on.
I used to think I was heteroromantic homosexual too last year when I was questioning last year. I think it's normal when you're not sure trying to compromise. I went from thinking I was straight to bi to asexual heteroromantic. Mostly because I didn't want to be gay so tried to find another reason why I wasn't sexually attracted to women. And I didn't imagine myself dating mens mostly because of that too.
It could be that as of right now, you feel the most comfortable with the idea of a relationship with a woman, and at the same time you're more sexually attracted to men. You might, or might not, find that those feelings will shift over time. It could also be that you're bi and mostly into women romantically and mostly into men sexually.
I feel the same at 34; it seems that I'm only 20รท physically/sexually attracted to women, which is really affecting my decisions on dating and relationship with either sex
I am jumping in here, I agree with Invidia, no two people are the same, and no one can tell you your sexuality...you have to live this for yourself...we are here to support you and lend an ear but you are you. I also would suggest seeing a qualified LGBT therapist
