Am i Gay? HOCD

Ok, first of all, i've been trying to enter to every anxiety webpage to discuss about this little problem, that i have been going on, since, January. i didn't want to enter to this webpage, because, it's gonna sound stupid, but, i'm kinda afraid of gay or lesbian people, and i have my reasons, but they're not stupid or something like that (i know how to recognize when something is really stupid, trust me). sorry if i'm expressing myself in a weird mode, cause i'm mexican, and my english, i consider that it's not very good, but neither very bad.

I'm going to tell you, all my story about, how i started to get these 'gay feelings'.

Since i was a kid, i have been always attracted to girls, i remember that when i was like 3 years old i got my first 'erection', it was a movie that they were streaming on HBO, and i saw the scene with my parents, and that was the first time that i get a 'horny' experience.

i have always fantasize with girls, but, months before i was going to turn 11, i started to adjuge myself, that i was bisexual, because i was thinking that it was ''very cool'' (though this was kinda idiotic because i never go out of the closet, because, if i had to be sincere with all of you, i never really take it seriously the label of bisexuality in myself).

then, when i was 14 years old, i started to do webcam with a 28 year old man, but, even that, i didn't get horny with him, everytime that i masturbate with pictures of men naked, i always had girls in my mind, i always imagined that they were girls, and when i was 15, i do webcam with another man, and even when i did cam with him, i was fantasizing with girls, then, when i seriously get kinda ''horny'', is when he showed me his ass, but at the moment that i.. you know, it was forced, i really didn't get horny on that moment.

i did the same thing with all the men which i did webcam, but in those moments, and i started to like it (but not totally), i was still getting feelings and fantasies with girls

then, when i turn 18, 5 months after i turn 18, i started to get gay feelings, i started to get attraction over me, but in a sexual way, not in a romantic way, i never had a crush in a man, but i just started to get attracted to them, but if you analyze my story, most of the times when i was getting horny with men, there always was the presence of girls in my head, but after i turn 18, i started to get horny with men seriously.

i have been stressing myself, because, i have a very philosophical thoughts about the life and, the nature life, and.. it's very personal for me, i have been kinda deppressed, i know that it was my fault. i'm very thinker about the life itself and all the things that are happening to the world right now, and, i don't know, even i had crushes with girls all my life, and i don't know what to do right now, i'm extremely confused. and i want to know what i am.

also, i was suggesting myself that if i was actually bisexual, i need to tried to experiment with men, but as you can see, i've always got the thoughts of being with girls. but now i'm starting to feel attraction over men, in a serious way.