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Confused about sexuality

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Inquisitiv, Jun 4, 2016.

  1. Inquisitiv

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2016
    Messages:
    4
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    Location:
    MA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hello all, I'm happy to be on board this ship called life. A few months ago, I did something regretful because I was feeling lonely at the time. A random stranger from my high school asked for my number and I gave it out without any judgments. It wasn't 5 minutes when a saw a message from him. It wasn't 5 minutes when I saw a phone message and this chap seem friendly. I told him how I was depressed due to some childhood issues that happened to me. He told me that he had also struggled with suicide because he thought he was gay and that he wasn't.He seemed like a good friend and I decided to befriend him. A few days later, something changed. He started asking me questions about masturbation and I warned him to stop, but he wouldn't.I decided to tell him that I couldn't be friends with him if he continued. He went away only to come back a few days later. At that time, I was very very depressed and was struggling with suicidal thought because I was in a different country and isolated. I'd be sobbing in my room, and he'd ask me to send a picture of my naked chest because I'd done so when we earlier met and did because he asked and not for any other reason. Every time he asked, I would refuse and he would guilt trip me and force his life views on me. He told me that he was gay and asked what he meant to me. Truth be told I only saw him as a good friend, but he kept telling me that I was delusional, would die miserable and would kill my own kids. I lost a friend at this point and my suicidal thoughts were back again. I felt so isolated that I told him that I would be his friend and apologized to him and told him not to ever pressure me into sending naked pictures and he agreed. It wasn't 5 days when I was in a very very low place and told him how suicidal I was and he suddenly asked me to send him a picture of my naked chest as well as the outline of my penis, and I refused again. He completely ignored me and kept guilt tripping me with the silent treatment. I got fed up and told him that I'd had enough of his tactics. He then told me that I needed help, and asked him to help me. He told me that I was a woman and pretending to be straight, and I believed him and actually felt gay after he said that. I started feeling guilty talking to girls and was romantically and sexually interested in girls before that. This caused me a great deal of anxiety that I broke down. The thing is, I watch a lot of porn and stimulate my g spot occasionally. Gay, straight, transexual etc. Before the incidence, all was well and I never felt uncomfortable with my sexuality. I'm not attracted to men, but I watch gay porn. I like women sexually and emotionally, but I'm bored by straight porn. Sometimes, I say to myself okay I'm gay, but then get an erection when approached by women, and there are girls that I like deeply. This whole sexuality thing confuses the hell out of me and just the idea of sexuality instead of just doing makes me uncomfortable. In summary, I don't like men, but I like gay porn. And the opposite with straight porn. Every time, I see a penis or a vagina, my penis twitches, but penis more often. All this started when the manipulative guy implanted the seed in my head and I can't get it out. Is this just anxiety, I'm gay in denial or me being sexually fluid. I've been uncomfortable with my sexuality since that day and it's been 6 weeks now. Any advice?