So I went to a gay bar for the first time last night. I have never even been to the gay neighborhood of my city before. I am super buried in the closet! and really afraid to reveal any type of questioning until I know exactly what I am. I would have never had the courage to go on my own and my friends just randomly decided we should go to a gay bar this time. I was secretly SUPER exited! Even though gay bars have mostly males, it is still a HUGE step for me to be in any type of LGBTQ+ space. It was so freeing to openly talk about anything LGBT because it was relevant to what we were doing. We even talked about going to PRIDE! I did not have to hide my knowledge on LGBT things, I can just openly talk about stuff to my friends because this was relevant and it was not me just randomly mentioning it... and then people would question "why are you always thinking about that?" and then I will be exposed and then I will go run and hide... Anyway! I just have a few questions: 1.) Straight guys!? Do straight guys go to gay bars! I had a few guys try and grind on me and they were NOT gay or bi, they did not go after any guys! they were trying to get with us most of the night. They even tried to make out with one of us! WHYYY!!!??? GO AWAY!! I was so upset about that! I hate that in straight bars, but I thought I could finally let my guard down here. 2.) I knew there would not be many lesbians, but I thought there would at least be a little more. And the few that were there were with someone or they were butch and that is not really my type. Where do lesbians go!? How the heck am I supposed to find women? I was secretly hoping there would be more lesbians than in a straight bar and someone would come by and try to dance with me and then I would casually dance away from my friends and I would pretend I was just having fun and it did not mean anything, but secretly it meant everything. lol. 3.) Last question is just advice. If next time (by some miracle) I do happen to see an attractive, available, queer woman in a bar or anywhere else. How do you suggest I get her attention? Do I just smile or something? Anyway yeah overall I am really happy. I don't ever want to go to a straight bar after that ever again! I had a great experience. It was so much fun (besides those damn straight guys) I am really glad I got to experience the LGBT world in real life and not via internet. It was refreshing and freeing. I still don't know what I am exactly, but I know that I do very much enjoy the LGBTQ+ world. I am really exited to hopefully go to pride!! It is really scary because if a woman hits on me and I like her and my friends are around, ummm I don't know what I am going to do! If I flirt back, I flirt hard so they WILL know I am not straight. uhhh oh well, I guess we will just have to wait and see if that even ever happens.
I have only been to gay bars a handful of times but my experience was very similar to yours except for the annoying straight guy part. 1) I had only met one straight dude and he went there by mistake. He was so spooked after we told him it was a gay bar that he left right away. 2) There were never many lesbians and most of them were already paired up. So you can tell me when/if you figure out where they go. 3) No idea there either I had met single girls in gay bars but they were all straight and were there to support their gay friends. I am assuming you can just be friendly and introduce yourself? I still have doubts whether gay bars/clubs actually represent the lgbt lifestyle. Well I guess everyone lives their own life. I do find gay bars way more relaxing than straight bars though. Too many times straight bars just feel like battlefields
It's been a while since I've been to a gay bar, but here's my take on this... Some do, yes. I had a straight housemate (and 2 gay housemates) who would go to the bar with us because he liked the vibe and the music better. He didn't care if he got hit on, was good-natured about turning people down, and after a few visits the regulars all knew he was straight and left him alone. Beyond that, if straight women are going to gay bars, then some percentage of straight men will go there on the theory that there are straight women there and they have a chance to hook up. This tends to annoy the actual gay patrons of the bar btw, especially if the straight guys get upset for being hit on since they apparently think its obvious that they aren't gay. To some degree this depends on the bar, which in turn can be driven by the size of the population center it's in. A really small community with just one gay bar may draw more lesbians simply because it's the only place to go without driving for hours, so everyone goes there. Conversely, a larger population center may either have a wide array of bars, some of which lesbians enjoy, or be large enough that it actually has dedicated lesbian bars. When I lived in Tucson, there was a lesbian bar in town. I got to visit it once with a friend - it was cleaner than the non-lesbian bars I'd been in and had this very nicely decorated lounge area in the back, but otherwise looked pretty much like any other bar. If you're looking for more lesbian oriented get-togethers, I'd suggest meetup.com. When I check there for LGBT groups in a given area, there are often lots of lesbian groups listed. Some are just social groups, some are more along the lines of professional networking. If you live somewhere with any number of people, you probably will find something to let you start meeting people, which would then let you get into the social network of the local lesbian population. Walking up and saying 'Hi' seems likely to do the trick Sorry, subtlety is not my strong point, so I don't really have any ideas on this one. Hope this helps, Todd ---------- Post added 5th Jun 2016 at 08:22 PM ---------- Heh. I had a housemate who worked security at one of the local gay bars. He would tell stories about guys being dragged into the bar by their girlfriends and spending the whole visit looking terrified. But then a few nights or a week later, they would come back to the bar by themselves. Apparently they saw something there they wanted to explore more thoroughly... Gay bars/clubs represent the gay 'lifestyle' about the same way that straight bars/clubs represent the 'straight' lifestyle. Which is to say they usually deal with a small subset of all the many facets that make up a person and their life. How someone behaves in a gay bar may have nothing to do with how they behave the rest of the time, or what they like to do, or what kind of person they are overall. My 2c worth, Todd
It depends on the bar, honestly. I wouldn't expect there to be huge numbers (I've heard a few follow the straight women), and if the bar is "integrated" expect to see more. Uh, they tend to move to the suburbs, adopt a million cats, and have potlucks. Kidding, but bars have been traditional meeting places for gay men looking to hook up. There are usually nights dedicated to the ladies, but I've also found many lesbians are active in the community. Have you tried activism, volunteer work, etc.? You could try the subtle route, and ask a question. This could send the wrong idea, but at least it breaks the ice (not everything has to be built in one day)! Otherwise, I'd go with the advice of others and be direct...
Straight guys go to gay bars to try get with girls that go with their gay friends . Also, some straight people just like the atmosphere. I do agree though, I only see about 10 girls max in any gay bar and most of them are quite butch. I think lesbian bars exist but I would expect them to attract a rather butch crowd too? Can't really say since I'm not a woman ^^
I went to a gay bar when I was straight one time. I was gay then, yes. I only wish I would have realized it then. I can't wait to go back to a gay bar. I just want to be wanted by the one I want to want me. If that makes any sense. I'm not ready to do anything. I just want to know it's available. I feel the need to feed my gay ego. I don't know why. I guess maybe to let myself know I am in the right place. I would love to see a straight guy in a gay bar. I like a good challenge. I mean once I get my own courage up lol
