Hello all, I'm a 20 year old male questioning my sexuality. For a long time, It's been really hard for me to determine of gay, straight, bi or whatever there is. None of them seem to fit who I am and it makes me uncomfortable at times. My feelings haven't really changed, but I now have a hard time accepting them because I've been called gay by close friends since I was 11. When I meet a woman, I'm deeply emotionally attracted to her, and when I sense that she likes me back, it also becomes sexual, but without that it's only emotional. On the other hand, I have same sex thoughts that turn me on, but I find it difficult to emotionally connect with a guy, and I try my best, but it doesn't seem to work. I'm also more turned on by gay porn/transexual than straight porn, and I'm not even attracted to guys in real life, but I appreciate the handsomeness of a man, but don't find masculinity, abs, muscles etc as attractive. I've had crushes on girls all my life and have even cried over a girl. I was fine by all this until I myself started to question this because people were saying I was pretending to like girls. Also, I have a little lower than average testosterone levels and maybe this has something to do with it. Please help me understand what is going on here. Thank you
Hi You could be bisexual, gay, or bicurious. You may even be straight. I was sort of like you when I was your age. I recognized my attraction to men, but it never felt sexual. With women, it was both sexual and emotional. I think I may have shut out my attraction to men because it was not how I wanted to feel. Once I started opening up myself a bit I started to recognize the attractions were sexual too. I am a bisexual with a slight preference for women. FWIW, I never thought that sex without an emotional attraction had that much appeal. It is O.K. to feel that way. I have never found porn to be a great indicator of my attraction. I hate the way women are treated in porn...so I find it appalling. You may have similar thoughts so don't use that as THE reason you think you are gay. You don't need to decide anything about yourself. Go date, have sex, explore. Be open and honest with yourself and enjoy learning about yourself. Above all, don't try and be something you are not because you cannot do it.
and the funny thing is that, I claim to be attracted to girls emotionally then sexually, but then I almost get an orgasm when girl gives me a hug, but not with guy. I get random erection when I'm with guys, but nothing else really. This is is quite unique imho. I'll just be free. No need to label myself because of scientific or societal norms. Or maybe heterogenous sexual
Inquisitiv...I think you are on the right track. Sexuality is pretty unique really. There is no right or wrong answer. Just what you feel. I sense you are still a virgin and have not had sex with women or men yet. So, some of this may become clearer as you mature sexually and emotionally and have some relationships that result in intimacy. Enjoy the journey because this should be fun if you make it that way!
Hey Inquisitiv I just read your other post about being manipulated by that guy. Listen to what makes sense here. This is some creep who is trying to confuse you to get in your pants. Be very careful of anyone offering you advice that includes you sending photos or discussing sex with them as part of learning about yourself. There are lots of people out there who take advantage of the confusion many of us feel when we are younger and exploring our sexuality. If you are having some issues around your sexuality because you were abused, getting some therapy could be really helpful here. No one should be depressed about their sexuality so something else is going on here. Please remember that your sexuality is a beautiful thing and it is YOURS. No one else gets to determine it, or tell you what you are, or use it for their selfish needs. Take your time, avoid the porn, get out and meet people your age. Take care.
I understand that. I'm not a virgin, but all the sex I've had were hookups with women and no intimacy at. It felt really bland and wrong for me at least and I did both out of frustration of being suggested as gay. I've backed away from porn and now look forward to meeting new people to work on being comfortable with my sexuality again. Thank you. You're the best!!!
