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I can't tell if I'm trans (FTM)

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by ConfusedSpoon, Jun 7, 2016.

  1. ConfusedSpoon

    Regular Member

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    I'm a teen, and I have been questioning if I am trans since some sudden memories came up from my childhood. When I was about 9 or 10 I used to watch a videos with someone who was trans, and in fact looked up a lot of trans videos.

    These memories came up when I cosplayed a male character for Halloween, I looked in the mirror with the short wig I had on, and for the first time, I liked how I looked. I have suffered from anxiety and tend not to talk to strangers, but for whatever reason on Halloween I was bursting with confidence, and talked to someone I didn't know at all. The thing was, a thought came into my head that this stranger might think I was a boy, and I was excited about it.

    Since then I have been wearing any male clothing I can get away with, and tying my hair up and hiding it in a hat.

    Symptoms I guess I have of being trans would be the fact that when my chest started to develop I told my mum that I didn't like it, and she told me, jokingly, that I would have to get used to it, but I was extremely scared and always try to hide my chest.
    My family is very supportive of the LGBT+ community and when they found out I was bisexual they were completely ok with it.
    However, I tried to talk about gender to my mum and she planted the seed of doubt in me when she dismissed me and told me I was too young to think about these things.

    So since then, I don't know and am struggling. My depression has gotten worse and I'm not sure what to do.
    I can't tell if I'm trans, and would mostly like it if anyone could tell me about their own experiences and I guess symptoms of being trans from their childhood to their teens.
     
  2. darkcomesoon

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    I really relate to the feeling of being more confident when I look like a guy, and feeling excited at the idea that someone thinks I'm a guy.

    Not wanting your chest to develop and trying to hide it is almost certainly a form of dysphoria (discomfort associated with being the wrong gender) or dysmorphia (persistent belief that something about your body is wrong or flawed; not gender related), which definitely suggests (but doesn't guarantee) that you're trans. Being excited to look like and be seen as a guy is what some people call gender euphoria (happiness/relief associated with being the right gender) and also suggests that you might be trans.

    You're never too young to know you're trans. Lots of people know when they're very young, and lots figure it out later on. There's really no wrong time to start thinking about it or to figure it out.
     
  3. Rickystarr

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    If your parents are supportive of the lgbtqrstuvwxyz+ there is a good chance they will support you no matter what you decide. How old are you?
     
  4. ConfusedSpoon

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    As it turns out, my mum figured it out and is getting me a therapist to help me figure out what's going on here, and she is completely supportive of me whether I be her son or daughter. I have a bit of a fear of rejection, so I was constantly thinking she would tell me that there was no possible way I could be trans.

    I am 15, so I feel a bit self conscious about whether or not I am trans, and honestly had a lot of doubts and denial about the feelings I've been getting.