Hi there EC, So I have just recently decided to accept that i am at the very least pan-sexual at most lesbian. I am wondering how do i find out if a girl is lesbian? I find women very attractive and would like to meet someone but i have no idea how to tell or ask or find out...! It is driving me nuts :bang: I dont have the confidence to ask and dont want to introduce stereotyping into it as i am waaaay outside the lesbian stereotype myself, whatever that really is! Any help will be gladly received!
It's hard to know what someone really likes, unless you're terribly good at observing their behavior, or unless you ask them. Obviously, the easiest way to know would be to ask them. If not, maybe start a conversation about women whom you find hot or attractive (try to stick with models/actors/people whom you both don't know personally - don't want to make it too awkward). Generally, if they tune out, they're probably not lesbian. Otherwise, you could observe their behavior around men and women (aka see who they're interested in) but this method is notoriously unreliable.
I know many lesbians don't fall into a stereotypical mold, but to be honest I think that way when I'm wondering if a girl is gay. Their interests and way of presenting could give you hints, but of course you shouldn't assume unless you know for sure. Otherwise, talk about things that might bring it up: relationships (past or present), LGBT+ things in the news, people you find attractive ("Ugh I love Taylor Swift, plus she's really cute!") Or: try to find areas/clubs that may draw more LGBT+ people: bars, clubs, certain parts of cities. We need a mating call or something.
Thanks so much, those are good ideas. I love the idea of a mating call, literaly made me laugh out loud, koooeee lesbian in the house! Well i am going to visit a friend today who doesnt know my 'status' and also doesnt know that i know she is a lesbian, lol. so this will be interesting.
If you feel like reporting back, I'd be interested to hear what happened. I also know a lesbian who, I don't think, knows I know. Were you able to bring it up somehow?
I like to ask about cultural things, the news, interests, etc. Usually people give hints if they're interested. An LGBTQ person will have seen or heard of the L word, for example. Or maybe they are really peeved about the North Carolina bathroom situation. Or they are wearing some rainbow jewellery (that's what I do). Perhaps they love Tegan and Sara, or love a particular lesbian couple on a TV show. Do all lesbians like these? No, but they will have heard of them. I doubt a straight person will have watched Fingersmith, for example. It's a good starting indicator. Also, depending on your age, you can try going to a LGBT-related meeting (anonymous or social, whatever you feel comfortable with). If you don't feel comfortable asking someone blatantly, get a friend (or new fellow non-straight identified female) to do it!
