I'm sure my story may be similar to a lot of people here, but I just ned to get this out and maybe some advice? This feels like coming out so late at life. I'm 32 and have identified myself as bi for a few years. When I was a teen I identified as straight, I could find women attractive but never gave myself the freedom to tell me I might actually date one, which is kinda weird in a way because my family is very liberal and I have gay relatives... though no one at my school was openly gay, never had openly gay friends for most years in high school. I've dated men, but it always felt like something was missing, I never felt love or attraction like they seemed to have about me, but I always thought that was just not the right man. But when I started dating women, it felt different, even when it was nothing serious, it felt much better. I haven't dated a man in three years and noticed that for the last 1-2 years I have had no attraction to men at all. I can look at a man and find him good looking, but no attraction whatsoever. I don't see myself open to dating men in the future either. I have talked to two friends (girls) one is bi and the other is lesbian. The bi girl just said 'maybe you're just a lesbian", but the lesbian girl had an interesting insight and I'd like to know other people's opinions, especially from lesbian girls if possible. She said I've dated men, you simply cannot put men in being lesbian, it'd be wrong calling myself a lesbian. So I don't know. I know a lot of people don't care about labels, but I think they can be important, to me it can bring a sense of belonging, and I don't feel that as a bisexual. What do you guys think? Sorry for anything, this is my first post.
I'm a believer that sexuality is fluid. Especially when you are young. You were still learning who you were and what you did and didn't want (and I'm in my late 20s and know that I am still figuring out who I am and who I want to be, so I'm figuring you were, too). Now that you have explored a bit, you realize that guys don't do it for you. Just because you dated guys before doesn't mean that the past attraction defines the you of now. If you are comfortable with the lesbian label, use it. You don't need anyone's approval. I think it is crazy to say that every homosexual that has had relations with the opposite sex is really just bi.
Thank you so much for your comment. I honestly don't know why I care so much about what other people think or want to label me sometimes, I know I just need to let it go.
I have had this experience to a smaller proportion, but I understand. I am the same way. I actually just identify as a lesbian usually because I have pretty much pushed guys from my head and it feels so much better dating and being with girls. You can identify as however you want, no one can choose your identity for you.
Since we live in a heteronormative world it's nothing strange that at first you tried straight couples. That shouldn't mean you can't be lesbian since there was something missing. For years I had no interest in girls and didn't think I'date them. But I still identify as bi. Now I'm more interested in guys but still I don't rule out that I'm bi even when I don't plan dating girls in the fufure. There is still that possibility. How you identify it's up to you. Cheers.
Hi there, Like others have said, your sexuality is hugely personal and really, nobody else can dictate for you your identity. What matters most is your comfort with who you are, regardless of other people's beliefs as to what equates to a certain sexuality. When I was younger, I desperately wanted to suppress my attraction to women, so dated a guy for about a month until I realised that it just wasn't for me! :lol: Your past relationships aren't signifiers of who you are - how you feel in the present is the most important thing, regardless of what others may think!
Mehhh, like everyone else said, your sexuality is your own. I once read, on here I think, labels are there to serve the individual, not the other way around. Choose the label you most identify with, not the one other people think you should subscribe to. Your gay friend sounds a wee bit judgemental, if you don't mind me saying I completely related to your experience by the way. I still know I'm gay. How? Because I look at women, I love women, I only see myself with a woman and because I'm not interested in men and haven't been for some time. What purpose does the bi label serve me? Zero purposes. Does it reflect me? Nopes. So I dropped it some time ago and haven't looked back.
