To the ones who figured their sexuality out later in life, do you sometimes cling to the past? Or literally get stuck in it? Because me is having a problem over here. When I was like 12 (no experience) I was obsessed with y'know straight couples on tv (anime not real deal movies with real people bc that was ew and yea I was in the anime phase lol) and I would draw n such about those couples. With one couple in particular, I thought I had a crush on the guy, because he was handsome. That was just it, he was handsome nothing more. I had this idea of being in love and wanting to experience that. The only way to get it of course was with a guy bc I was straight. Non-straights were like these rare species who you only see once in your life. This continued (it had died down down the way, like when I was 13/14 it had died down a bit) untill I was 16. 16 was the age I would want to get this special first kiss, but woops there was a girl and I practically gave my first kiss away to her and I loved it. I liked kissing her. I liked kissing girls. I was so happy and upbeat. The only sexual attraction I felt up untill now was towards women. (and therefore my romantic orientation shifted somewhat...) Still I fall back on those moments when I was 12 and obsessed with the straight couples. Did I have feelings for boys? Yes, but minor? Or no and were those feelings fake? What was I even feeling? Or was it just purely romantic but no sexual and sensual feelings? Or was I in love with the idea of being in love? I appearantly never had the pull towards any boy to do something with them or sth, otherwise I would have done it by now I think? maybe? I mean It is harder to get same sex experience rather than straight (I think?), but I don't know I get stuck in this past. I sometimes convince myself that my sexual attraction towards girls stems from the experience I had with girls. (one girl in particular. ha.) I try to push myself towards guys. Like i have to try, like I have to experience that as well (bc that will show me that I am actually straight and normal and y'know). My pull towards guys (if I even had any) had completely died down after my same-sex experience. When I started questioning and realising things It felt and still feels like I should go after them or sth. I dunno. That would be forced as well Did you guys experience the same or are still experiencing that? (I know I know I have to go with the flow. Although I'm getting kinda tired of that flow, It leaves me insecure and closes me off from the people around me.)
I have literally no experience, so I'm just going to give my opinion. You might be bisexual, in which case you would be attracted to both genders. Also, I believe people aren't born being attracted to a set gender. Your sexual preference can change. You just have to identify yourself by the way you feel now.
Yeah It is really hard bc I never had the tendency to kiss a guy, never. Never fantasized about it, I just fantasized sometimes about how they looked. Okay maybe I tried fantasizing about it once or twice to try to understand what everybody was talking about, but it never lingered. I was very critical when it came to guys (all of the details had to be right) and I even remember saying, when I was about 13, ''girls are way more prettier/beautiful than guys''. And at the same time I was reading stories about heterosexual couples, I talked with male friends about how beatiful the ladies were (I was completely blown away by female legs and necks). I also could not understand why some girls gave blow-jobs but I could understand why someone would go for vagina? (excuse my non-prude language) I also played a game with myself called ''spot the hot guy'' bc I appearantly never saw them according to my friends. In order to fit in this game had developed into a regular thing for 6 months in order to get attention from them. I became less and less interested in this game bc I never felt like i should do something with them and my friends became less interested in my ''i just saw a 'hot' guy but i did not do anything with it''. There were girls in real life however who I liked/was infatuated by and I had the balls to go and talk to them bc I wanted to, desperately wanted to. I blamed it on my shyness that I never talked to guys, while with girls I just threw myself at them, so I wasn't really that shy after all. I don't know what to think it really. My interest in guys just became less and less from when I was 13. And when my hormones started to go/hitting puberty (I am pretty late with everything) my whole body was set on ladies. So I don't really know what to think of it hahah. ---------- Post added 14th Jun 2016 at 10:09 PM ---------- Oh I have to add: After I came to the conclusion I might not be particularly straight, I thought about all the famous people I would obsess about. I concluded that about 95% of them were girls, with 5% being some anime dudes. Male celebrities were always ''chosen'', in a way of ''if I have to choose'', while girl celebrities would emerge spontaneous and without any influence from my friends/parents. Like I was completely blown away by Emma Watson when I was 10 and wanted to watch ever harry potter movie to compare how pretty she looked in every movie: ''I would say Emma is more prettier in this and this movie but she is still pretty bc she is Emma watson.'' And after Emma, Ellen Page followed when I was 12.... and it continued on and on and on and I added more and more and more to the list. They were also pretty diverse (I had a rough type, but not a specific type with 10294 details), while with guys it had to be that type otherwhise a no no (with 10294 details) ---------- Post added 14th Jun 2016 at 10:12 PM ---------- Oh and that ''handsome'' crush I thought I had, had actually a really ugly face. But I liked his snapback and cool sense of style. I feel so sorry for him :/
Hmm, just feel like adding my two cents into this if you don't mind. I'm 100% sure that I'm gayer than a picnic basket. As far back as I can remember, I've only ever been attracted to women in the romantic sense of the word. Have I been attracted to men before? Yes and no. I can admit when I personally think a man is attractive, even when I feel nothing for them sexually. It happens with women too: though I find them physically appealing, I have no interest in them. The difference, however, is that it's always platonic in men. I just happen to see them and think to myself "Hey, that's a good looking dude." There isn't anything more to it. A preference of the eyes I suppose haha. When I think that way about a woman, it's more along the lines of "Eh, she's not quite my type." Point is, I don't think there's anything wrong with finding both genders attractive. But HOW you find them attractive is the question. Are you just casually making note of their appearance? Or are you subconsciously thinking about what you want to look for in a partner physically? I'm getting off subject here, excuse me. I do believe that there's a possibility you might be bisexual, but with a heavy preference for women. Or you could just slowly be inching more towards being a lesbian. Labels can be a difficult thing at times, and sometimes I just wonder if we can do without them... I'd like to talk about something you mentioned near the very beginning though: about how when you used to watch anime you only shipped together male/female pairings. I actually do the same thing quite often, even now (I still watch anime). It depends mostly on the type of show. The majority of anime I've watched features heterosexual couples almost exclusively, and I would form a pairing from there simply because I never really felt comfortable with the idea of pairing characters of the same sex if it wasn't what they were into, regardless of it just being some Japanese cartoon. Not sure if you can relate to it, but I basically just didn't want something 'forced' I guess. The ONLY times I shipped two men or women together was when the anime in question was specifically about gay or lesbian couples. I hope this helps you out somewhat, because somewhere along the line I got a little lost myself haha.
The biggest thing that was once stopping me from identifying as a lesbian was thinking back to the "crushes" I had on guys when I was younger. But now I realize that I was not attracted to boys themselves, I was attracted to the idea of being in love, and I thought that had to happen with a boy.
Hahah yea sorry, It was pretty late when I wrote all that and it was a bunch of rambeling tbh. I am sorry. Still thank you for answering The problem is: I don't know anymore how I thought of guys. I can't remember fatasazing about kissing them, I can't remember wanting to date them. It just never came to my mind. I thought they were attractive (tho that were only 3 guys, 3 guys I forced myself to spot because I needed a type as well (along with the other girls), comapared to a whole bunch of girls I decided to like on my own), But I never remember wanting to do something with them. So when I started with girls I got a bit afraid, did I ever think this with guys? Did I? I MUST REMEMBER RIGHT?? And yea most of the time I also shipped a couple because they fit together. So I don't know if I was fascinated with 'I want to experience love like that' or I actually like the girl or the guy. I did not know. Now that I think about it, It was more about the couple than the actual persons I guess? I also sought people together that fit the 'stereotypical handsome guy and beautiful girl'. Never people that actually liked each other, altough I admitted 'yeahh.. They like each other I can see it....good for them'' I had such a perfect ideal of what it had to be like. I don't know. I also never thought myself to be anything other than gay, because gays are magical creatures that you see once in a lifetime. I automatically assumed myself as straight, but I never really thought about it. I never thought about the possibilities. Untill I got confronted with it in real life haha. Sorry for rambeling again :') Thanks for answering again, have a nice day :icon_bigg ---------- Post added 16th Jun 2016 at 09:45 AM ---------- This what you saying right here, is the same thing what prevents me from identifying as such. (as well as the future: What IF I meet a man???) I was also, looking backwards, attracted to the idea of being in love and I thought as well that had to happen with a boy (I was straight right??!). I wanted to experience what the others were experience (boy-crazy), but I never was that boy crazy. Yea maybe so and so were attractive. ''Yeah okay maybe should I blush? Okay he is older? uuuhhh.. yeah whatever, whats for lunch?'' After that I would just forget them. But I was still asking my friends: ''What does it feel like (feeling of infatuation and love)? I don't get it? Maybe I still haven't met such a person? ughhh'' You could say I was a lil desperate and frustrated, but at the same time I did not care because I felt comfortable with myself. Whenever the girls started talking, however, I felt left out because I did not have anything to add other than: ''Yeah maybe that guy is good looking idk''. Thank you for answering Yuricore ((After I got answers on ''what to feel like when you have a crush on someone'' I got a bit scared bc it were the feelings I had with girls oops.))
Ah, so it seems as if you're constantly looking over your shoulder on past experiences. I don't really believe you are too "stuck in the past" as your title says, because you look as though you've made progress, but you are relying on the past to mold your future in some way. I'm sure there are several lesbian identified ladies out there who had a crush or two on a boy back in their youth. But they nonetheless identify as lesbian in the present. There are also some women who hold themselves back to the point that they come out at a much older age. There are so many stories and possibilities out there. Either way, I don't really see you as having a problem, since I'm sure a lot of us go through this at one point or another in our lifetime, and I think that's perfectly alright. Everyone finds a resolution someday. I'm sure you'll find one for yourself too ^_^
Haha yeah it's like you say, we should focus on the now. We can't rely on something that we are not now. We do not behave like we behaved 10 years ago, we are constanstly shifting and changing. And that is scary, very scary. Discovering yourself is very confronting and disturbing at times and I think I just have to face what I am now, then contemplating on what could be different in the future or what I was in the past. I indeed rely on the past to mold my future, what is actually quite absurd if you think about it (not really that absurd but hopefully I got my point across) We will just see what happens Thanks you for your kind words, I needed it (sometimes we fall back in our progress because of the past and/or memories and it leads to distress. I think this thread was made in such a moment of distress and anxiety and needed some reassurance from people)
