Hello! Im a 21 yr old male So I feel kind of weird posting on here because im certain that im straight but there has been this thought that will appear inside my head that has been bothering me ever since I was 17. This voice in my head tells me things like "you are gay" which then leads me to think "Im gay." HOWEVER I have always been attracted to girls. Recently I started looking through this girl's pictures that I like on facebook etc. I have been talking to this girl I know on snapchat that is really hot and we have sent nudes to each other and talked about having sex. I really like her boobs. This voice however just makes me question everything and I dont know if Im just gay in denial and just keep talking to this girl on snapchat because I fear I might actually be gay because of this voice. The voice doesn't appear all the time though - like for a solid week it wasn't there and I felt awesome. When it does appear though I feel really depressed because it makes me question everything that happened in my past. I know sexuality is no joke but when I was 12 the word gay was just thrown around and people laughed when you called someone gay (looking back it was really awful) so at the dinner table I said to my dad "Im gay" as a joke and he got really mad at me - and this plays on my mind when this voice appears and it tells me "see you have always been gay." Also for a while at school people would call me gay and I always thought maybe they know something I dont? My stepdad will also call me 'gaylord' which I hate because again I dont understand why he calls me that? Like can they see something I cant? I dont picture myself having sex with a man? Im just so confused! Dont get me wrong I can recognise a good looking man and appreciate that but when this voice appears I do all these 'checks' like was I attracted to that guy? Did I begin to get an erection? How do I know if im attracted to another man? Its gotten to the point where I feel like I dont even know what being attracted to someone is like anymore. I dont want to get into a relationship with another girl in fear that it will come out that im actually gay - and have just been in denial. At a party there was this guy who I thought was a dickhead. I was not attracted to him at all - got really drunk and for some reason we kissed on the lips. I didn't really feel anything though from what I can remember - it was like we kissed and immediately pulled away like why the hell did I just do that? I have had a girlfriend in the past and have only had sex once with a girl and I did enjoy it. So yeh basically as a result of this voice that will appear in my head telling me "Im gay" I dont know if I am. As a result whenever I hear the words "come out" in any context I get really anxious and scared. I know this was a long post but I will be so so greatful if someone could please please help me out!! I just want to know who I am and its making me upset. Thank you very much!! )
Alex … I'd say you're in your head about "Am I straight or gay?" The mind is great but it can also go into endless loops like you've experienced. Just notice who you're attracted to. Your comfortable home base seems to be your attraction to women. Your unease is around gay. You probably wouldn't be having thoughts about being gay, if there was not some truth there. Totally straight guys don't have those thoughts. Maybe you're bi. There are layers of fear & homophobia around same sex attraction. If you're in NYC, there's plenty of opportunity to meet gay/bi guys. If you're interested in determining if you're something other than straight, you could meet & get close to a gay or bi guy you're attracted to, & see if it's something you like.
Hey thanks for your reply! I dont see myself passionately kissing another male though let alone having sex with him. I have watched gay porn twice now and I just didn't like it - could I still be bisexual. I have read about this thing called HOCD? Can you please offer your thoughts? Thank you
Alex … HOCD "Homo obcessive compulsive disorder" - again, you're in your hear, this time, worrying about this awful sounding disorder. A guy who was totally straight wouldn't have thoughts "am I gay" like you've been having. In my book, since you've had sex w a girl, you're not gay. Most all gay guys I've known have never had sex w a woman because it freaks them out. It could be you're having the thoughts because of stuff that happened in the past. However, another truism, "where there's smoke, there's fire" …,meaning, if you have these reoccurring thoughts, you must be at least a little bi. I wouldn't delay connecting w a girl because of these thoughts. Don't be ruled by your head (big or little). Be ruled by love. If you love her, at least a little, go for it!
Dude, you're definitely straight. The voice was probably imagination, especially since you appear to have no gay attraction at all.
