Finally accept I'm gay--I think

I'm a female and I wouldn't say I am 100% confident in my sexuality. maybe because I haven't fully accepted it.

Plus I am not male and gay. I'm female, so take it with a grain of salt.

When I read the post you have created. It sounded like you were bisexual just subsiding the male attraction because of society.

I can't speak for you. So at the end of the day it is up to you. But, if you get aroused flirting with a female & male...you get a reaction down stairs...you have a desire to act sexual to both genders I would say you could very well be bisexual. You have to really focus on if you get something personally out of being with a men and a woman sexually.

I think more than likely you were not allowing the homosexual side of yourself show because of society, but that you can still very well have a heterosexual side to you (=bisexual).

Now when you say "can't help but notice how sexy my female boss looks in her dress." Do you also get a sexual draw to her and get worked up? Like it is hard to focus? If yes, you very well might bisexual.

But, then if the "she looks sexy" is more of an aesthetic and you don't get worked up. Then I would say you could be 100% gay.

Bisexual doesn't always mean equal attraction to men and woman. You could always have more attraction to men, but still at times are attracted to female. You could sexually be with both and date both.

If this helps at all (i'm just a female so my sexual cues may not be the same as a males) when I talk to men. I can tell when they are very handsome and I could flirt with them. But that is the length I can go, I even think "He'll make pretty babies." LOL I am just too analytical about the interaction...almost like checking off point on a list.

But, with woman when they talk to me and I think they are attractive. I always think I wonder what it be like to kiss her? My flirting is different with woman than with men. I like making women laugh. If she becomes my friend I usually get more protective of her than a male. I may even start always paying the bill when we are out or getting her stuff. I just notice I get more invested in the female than the male. When i talk to her I have invasive thought about what t be like to kiss her? I wonder what she looks like naked? I even want to touch her hair as odd as that sounds.

I would explore your homosexual side more if I was you and then decide. But, I think you definitely could be bisexual just maybe a stronger draw to men.

Hope this was helpful!

 

Hey. I think I can relate to you to an extent. I'm into guys, although I'm not sure about the girls.

You said you have a lack of passion for women. Do you mean generally, or sexually ? You said living heterosexual didn't work out. Do you mean you weren't into the sex ? Reflecting on the sex will likely give you an understanding. What is this strong desire for a woman ?

Aesthetic attraction can get a bit confusing when it involves a component of sexual appeal. Even a gay guy can see your female boss and think how sexy she looks or how sexual her appearance is.

It might be that you're focussing on the excitement of embracing a long rejected feeling. Like said above, you should consider about the sexual interest in women. Did you feel the same for guys during the years you had sexual relations with your neighbour ?

In my case, I know that my attraction to girls is more likely social training. And so is the romantic feeling for them. I am able to fantasize about girls to orgasm, but I dont think that's enough. As in, I feel like I have to put in more mental work sometimes, it's like a chore sometimes. Other times, I'm okay with it. But my attraction for guys stems from a sexual passion for them. I know I'm into them. But not so sure about girls. That's why I would identify as 'mostly gay' or 'homoflexible' although it would also be sensible to identify as 'bisexual with more male leanings'.

Hope I was helpful.

 

I hope this doesn't come off wrong. But, I don't think many men feel 100% comfortable with woman. It's mainly because it is another person with their own mindset and personality, but in addition it is a person who doesn't have your sex organ and experiences the world differently because of the sex they were born into.

It could simply be that way. I get along very well with men and I get along very well with woman. Even though I have a strong attraction to women way more than I ever had toward men. I don't have a strong attraction for every woman because I am not attracted to every female and I even feel uncomfortable around certain women (not because i have a stronger feeling for them.)

I think it comes down to compatibility.

Sexual attraction is one thing. But compatibility allows sexual attraction to turn into something serious and long lasting (wedding sounds lol.)

In the end just explore who you truly are and I believe as you discover yourself more. The more sure you will be of where your sexuality stands.

I'm still trying to figure out myself. Bisexuality is a difficult sexuality to fully understand because there are various degrees of bisexuality.

Also you may feel uncomfortable around a woman and have insecurity because in essence you had to hide an aspect of yourself. If you hid the fact to your recent female companions that you have homosexual tendencies you may have on some level put up a wall in fear of her discovering you are not 100% straight. That is an intimate part of who you are and if you are dating someone you can't fully express who you are as well as share such deep information about who you are as a person. I think that could make anyone uncomfortable and have some level of insecurity.

But, at the end of the day you have the final say of what your sexuality is and what you are feeling.

Happy my previous post was helpful. I hope I didn't overstep any boundaries with what I have said in this post, but I just wanted to give food for thought on a possibility of why you may have felt uncomfortable and had some level of insecurity.

 

What is this insecurity you're talking about ? Just curious.
Also, I'm wondering if these insecurities & uncertainties are the reason you're not into women as much with men ? Is that the reason sex with women doesn't feel natural to you? ? Or is it just lack of genuine passion ?

 

It matters because that is who you are. You can't be with someone who is not accepting of LGBTQ+ matters.

By being honest with the person it allows you a better chance to see if they can actually love you for you.

There are many bisexuals that are open to their significant others. I can't say how it will help you until you start revealing fully who you are.

I know you are in texas so I'm not sure how LGBT accepting that place is. I heard not so accepting. But, I think you could find the same type of people anywhere.

There is roxetera a youtuber she is totally open to her significant other even though she is in a homosexual relationship.

There is also a male bisexual youtube that is open to his bf about his bisexuality. Forgot person's name.

There are people that don't believe bisexuality exist.

I notice guys are not that open to saying I'm bisexual to others vs ladies.

Watch some youtubers about them figuring out their bisexuality. Those videos really helped me. I watched videos of stories of how people figured out their bisexuality and homosexuality. It allowed me a chance to compare the feelings more.

If you truly feel homosexuality is your label and bisexuality doesn't align with you. You know best.

 

Truth be told, only you can know for sure but it sounds like your bisexual.

Bisexuality is real--it's documented in both men and women. If you search around the web you might come across an analysis conducted by Northwestern University in 2005 that questioned the existence of male bisexuality. I recommend not reading it, it was revisited in 2011 with more robust methods. Researchers confirmed that many of the men claiming to be bisexual, were in fact, sexually aroused by both men and women. As a side note, I do have the education and professional experience to tell you that whoever lead that study was either careless or incompetent. An undergrad in STAT 101 would have conducted more robust research than that conducted in 2005. It was a disservice to the public and especially the LGBT community. I was particularly offended by the sloppy data collection methods.

I think the reason people don't want to identify as bisexual is the stigma and the stereotypes that are associated with it. Everyone has heard them: you're really gay, you're confused, you're after attention, you're greedy, etc. Unfortunately, bisexuals are likely to be less welcomed in the LGBT community, probably due to to the many stereotypes. Fact of the matter is, straight or not, there are lot of people who are confused, greedy, and after attention. It's a particularly difficult label for men. Any homosexual behavior is likely to get a man branded completely and irrevocably gay.Not that there is anything wrong with that, but it would be an inaccurate assumption. My opinion is that male bisexurtunately, bisexuals are likely to be less welcomed in the LGBT community, probably due to to the many stereotypes.

If you do feel like you're homosexual, by all means embrace it. If you find that you're still attracted to women as well, embrace that, too. Regardless of how you identify or if you choose to forgo a label, you should be proud that you have a fairly good idea of what you want. Some people never do. Good luck!

 

Okay. You have been sexually attracted to women and have enjoyed their pleasure. But it doesn't feel natural & satisfying to you as it does with a man. This is complicated with your insecurity & uncertainty of mutual pleasure while with a woman.

Don't you think letting go of this necessity of certainty (of pleasing the partner) will make things simpler ? Plus, this necessity feeling can get in the way of even the most enjoyable sex, don't you think?

In the end, you still say that you feel more natural & passion with a guy, yeah ? That description goes best with 'bisexual with male leanings' or 'mostly gay' or 'homoflexible'. Ultimately you know yourself most. So only you can label yourself most appropriately.

 

I think this can come down to maybe also belief of sexuality. Some people have trouble grasping the idea of bisexuality even people who are bisexual. I don't think having more of a male leaning means that you are meant to 'marry' a man. (whatever commitment you want in life.) I don't see it as letting go of your attraction. Also I've heard many bisexuals say they go through periods.. they could have a leaning toward men for 10 years and then a leaning toward woman the next decade. I think we are constantly growing as humans. I wouldn't let go of your attraction to women because then you are just doing what you were doing before...downplaying a certain part of who you are. I think you should be open to whoever you are attracted to and you will one day find someone good for you whether male or female.

You might also be the type of person who likes to have a clear view of what your future will look like or just an idea of what the structure will be.

In the end it is still your decisions. I just wouldn't give up your female attractions just because you have a stronger male attraction. It will in the end just be cutting off a part of your sexual expression.

I'm happy you were comfort enough to share your story. It was nice talking with you even though I only posted a bit in your thread.

I agree with you on that if you deny your heterosexual desires and tendencies it would be a void in you just as much as denying your homosexual desire.

Take your time wrapping your mind around it. I'm still wrapping my mind around my homosexuality.

 

Hey

I have been reading this thread and you are getting some great insight and advice. I will add a little from someone who has been dealing with bisexuality for a bit longer.

I recognized my attractions to both men and women when I was early twenties and decided I would just play it by ear for a bit. About the time I decided that, I ran into a woman that blew me away and I had to have her, married her, and thirty years later still married. But, I hid my bisexuality from her...it was my own secret that I never acted on...just fantasy.

I finally decided enough is enough and came out to her a month ago. She is totally cool with it and we guy watch together and discuss my gay fantasies. There will probably be a little side fun with guys too!

I love being bi! I always sorta did but now it is even better being open about it. All I can say is to embrace it. Part of what makes you who you are is your sexuality. Hiding, or suppressing, any part of yourself may not allow you to express other parts of your personality. For me, I am much more open in everything now that I am free of hiding.

 

I've actually know about my sexuality since 6th grade...I kinda did all the excuses.

I dated men to try to hide my sexuality and to convince myself that I can be bisexual.

I am still wrapping my mind around what my future may look like. I have a pretty traditional family raising. I have an uncle who is gay. So not too far fetch for my family to think I could be gay.

Trying to accept my sexuality and then understand what I truly want for my future once I accept my sexuality. What type of relationship do I want from a woman, what personality would this woman have, what morals would this woman have, etc. It's just like a new ground and accepting my life is not going to be what I thought my life could. If that makes any sense.

It's scary to accept who one is at times. Sometimes I am totally fine with it and other days I have a panic feeling.

It is just a form of mourning. They say we go through the stages of grief when we are accepting sexuality and other situations.

 

I don't mind you asking that question. I'll be back with an answer...I just got home and have to start making some dinner for self lol But, I didn't want you to think i was ignoring you.

 

Thank you very kind words you said. I feel like my family already suspects I am gay.
She and my aunt always teeter on the fence about gay stuff...sometimes they say nice things and sometimes they say things that are disheartening. I feel like they either don't have a solid opinion or they teeter from okay to not okay type opinion because they suspect I am already gay.

I did come out to my aunt last year or maybe year before that. She wasn't exactly for it but she said whatever makes you happy. I then think to threw it in the back of her mind and forgot about it. Because I just said to her I was bisexual.

So I started to question my sexuality when I was 11 or 12. I was noticing I never had crushes on guys like girls had. I mean I played football with the guys, but I was also very feminine. I would talk about dirty stuff about women with them. Just doing guy stuff...guy mentality. I did like one guy in my school but it wasn't a like like...I had a crush on him because I thought I had to crush on someone and because he was like me.

As years went by it got stronger these feelings. I told some people these feelings, but I think one of them might have spread a rumor about it. I denied it and made her out as a liar. I was successful with that because every knew my family were Christians, I went to church, and I new everyone there since preschool. They didn't know this girl for so long.

In middle school to myself I said, "I could totally be gay." So I went on google and google homosexuality. You might remember how Yahoo answers was big back then. Yahoo answers is still kinda big but not as big as it was in the early 2000's. I went on that site and everyone was saying "You won't know until you sleep with a guy or a girl." So I said to myself that I could be bisexual, but I won't truly know what my sexuality is until I get sexually involved with people.

I got obsessed with this girl in my middle school...she dyed her hair blond, worn fake nails, believe she was a cheerleader, and we always talk. Shannon was her name. I still wonder how she is doing until present time, but I can't remember her last name for the life of me. She use to also always braid my hair and play with my hair. I was obsessed with her and I thought really highly of her. I thought I just wanted to be like her. But, now that I look back I had a crush.

So moving into high school...got stronger more. I noticed that when my friends would focus on guys or put guys first I got extremely jealous. It was pretty much if they didn't focus on me or spend as much time with me I got jealous. My friends were obsessed with guys and I wasn't. So there was a guy I crushed on him because I thought I had to. But, when he would hit on me I got this disgust feeling. Every time a guy hits on me or shows interest..I get this disgust feeling. Like an EWWW...sensation. It's a turn off. I notice I like guys more when they weren't interested in me. But, when they were interested in me I felt uncomfortable and grossed out.

12th grade I slept with this guy...I felt nothing. So I continued sleeping with him..I still felt nothing it was just a dead feeling.

So we broke up and I was upset.

I went off to college. That is when the homosexuality feelings started to really get to me. I pretended to like guys. But, I was just so much more drawn to girls than guys. It is almost like those angel scenes when something/someone would light up and nothing else would. It felt like that something just drew me toward woman almost like that had a halo around them.

So There was a guy who graduated from law school from my college. I started to talk to him and date him. Still felt nothing. Had sex with him...felt nothing.

In the mean time I started to work at this museum. There was a girl there and I was very much into her. So I swear I would spend all my money on her. I would buy her lunch and just all this other crap. I had really strong feelings for her none I ever had with a man. There was always like an emotional block...I could get emotionally close to a guy...love him. But then I would hit a dead end...beyond that dead end would be intimate lovey dovey, but the road never could reach there. Just a huge wall.

I feel more comfortable with woman, I get protective of them, I always want to be around them, I instantly flirt with them, and I got jealous when they would rather spend time with their boyfriend than me.

During 2012-2013 year I try having sex with me. I was on sites that were purely sexual. I active did this to prove to myself if I actually had something for men. I figure that I just need to find one guy who I could enjoy being sexual with. Every time I would try having sex with men...I got this turn off disgusted feeling at the point that sex was required past just talking. There just was no emotional or sexual reaction to the man and I felt weird and felt unnatural to me.

Now I will say I could have sex with men..not like I would vomit on them. But It would feel unnatural, uncomfortable, and dead to me. Just a dead cold feeling.

So I started to date this other guy...dated him for 3 years. But, reason why It lasted for three years was because I only really had to have a verbal emotional relationship with him, he worked a lot, I wasn't put on having to actually have sex with him.
I love him deeply or at least who i thought he was. But nothing more and he could tell them.

In the meantime I went to a psychiatrist. I started to have OCD, depression. I would pretty much starve myself. I have a picture of me back in like 2013 and now. I was very very thin...could see my collarbone. Now I got meat on my bone. So they put me on meds...I then convinced them to put me on antipsychotics for the depression because some of those anti[psychotics are mood stabilizers. Being on those meds help me with my sexuality.

Also dating this guy even though it wasn't really a true relationship in my opinion allowed me to be "straight" or at least bisexual. It allowed me to not face my sexuality and I thought I could prove to myself that I can be with men. So I stayed with him.

How I figured it out was... it was something consistent with all men. It was even consistent with men who checked off most on of my requirement and that I thought were handsome/attractive.

I'm still accepting it, but I am at a way better place than I was. I feel so much more at peace not being with a man at all. It was just :tantrum: with men lol. I felt in a state of distress being with a man or having a man attracted to me.

All the guys I dated were through online...I never could go for guys in my real everyday life.

I dated men to hide my homosexuality and to prove to myself that I could like guy. When in all honestly I couldn't like guy the way a heterosexual female would.

Just was a block for me when it came to men.

I have an uncle who is homosexual. So it might not be hard for my parent to understand that I am homosexual even though I didn't come out to one.

I hope this was helpful. I did kiss a girl when I was younger and she was disgusted by it while I wasn't.