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HOCD? Or nah?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Alex200, Jun 18, 2016.

  1. Alex200

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    Hello! Im a 21 yr old male

    I need some advice. What does it mean if you are attracted to another man? Like how do you know you are attracted to them? Do homosexual males think about having sex with a woman ever? The reason I ask this is all my life I have been interested in girls - Im a boob man, have had one girlfriend and sex only once with a girl. The thing is when I was 17 out of nowhere this thought popped into my head "am I gay" I got scared by this thought and started to obsess over it fearing I was gay and that my life up until now is a lie with who I was attracted to. The voice tells me things like the way you are acting is gay. You sound gay. Why are you interested in that girl you are gay. And over the last 5 years this voice has come and gone - I believe certain things around me trigger the thoughts because I am an anxious person.

    I read online that this could be HOCD (I have nothing wrong with homosexuality! Love is love) and I was hoping someone on here might know? I want to know because these thoughts are stopping me from starting relationships with girls because what If I am gay that would be unfair to them you know. If you could please help me that would be amazing!!! I have never crushed on a boy before and I really dont see myself passionately kissing another male. I have kissed another man on the lips before once when I was really drunk and kinda just thought wtf am I doing aha! So if you could please help me that would mean the absolute world! Thank you very much
     
  2. Lyr

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    Do you find men attractive? Do you think that you would be capable of having a love relationship (like the one that you had with your girlfriend) with a man? If inside you, you feel that you are attracted by the men, maybe you should not fear this reality, also it would be possible that you are bisexual, attracted by both gender ^^
     
  3. seeking

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    if you think you have HOCD I would see a LGBT friendly psychiatrist and get professional opinion.

    I don't think OCD obsessives with sexuality is as common as the other obsessive compulsions.

    All you can do is look over your history with woman that you been with and then look over your history with your interactions with men.

    If you are truly attracted to someone when you talk to them it's like getting intrusive thoughts about what it be like to be with them and when they touch you (hug touch your hand by accident) it is like getting a jolt.

    I would advise more seeing a LGBT friendly therapist and LGBT friendly psychiatrist with experience with OCD.
     
  4. womaninamber

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    I agree with seeking. I have OCD and therapy can be really helpful. I'm not saying that's what you have because I don't know but if these thoughts are interfering in your life it would be good to consult a professional.
     
  5. Alex200

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    Hey thanks for the reply. To answer your question I dont see myself loving a man. I dont think im attracted to men as I have never thought of men in a sexual way before? Could I still be bi?
     
  6. Tomás1

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    You have to work this out for yourself. No one can tell you whether you're straight, gay or bi. Why would you believe them if they did?

    It's best to experiment: get close to a girl, see what your feelings are, if you like her & want to go deeper. Get close to a guy, who's gay or bi, & see what your feelings are. Compare how comfortable you are with a girl compared to a guy. Which in you gut, do you prefer to be involved with?

    You could say both - this is a more complicated path - because generally your intimate partners will not want to share you with someone else. It's possible, but complicated.

    Who in your gut do you feel most attracted to?
     
    #6 Tomás1, Jun 19, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2016
  7. Chip

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    No offense, but you gave sort of a weasel word reply. The question here is not whether you see yourself loving a man, but whether you find yourself attracted or aroused by men.

    The best test is masturbating without porn and thinking about girls in one session, and about guys in another, perhaps alternating a few times over a few sessions. You should be able to discern a clear sense that one will give you stronger arousal and excitement than the other. If it's thinking about guys... you're likely gay or at the gay end of the spectrum. If it's thinking about girls, you're more likely straight or at the straight end.

    As far as the obsessions, keep in mind that there's no standalone condition called HOCD (ignorant Internet posts notwithstanding.) There is OCD, which is a severe and difficult disorder characterized by chronic obsessive, intrusive thoughts that are so disruptive that they impact your day-to-day functioning and enjoyment of life. Usually OCD is not limited simply to one thought (such as obsessing over whether you're gay.) If those symptoms match, the seeing a therapist for a proper diagnosis is in order. If those symptoms do not match, and particularly if the masturbation exercise finds you with attractions to men, then more likely you're just becoming aware of same-sex attraction.
     
  8. Tomás1

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    I like Chip's test.

    Another approach, that I like as a bisexual, is that it doesn't have to be male or female. It could be both, or a combination.

    In a book written by the bisexual Fritz Klein MD, he made a scale indicating things like "intimacy, sex, relationships, community you live in" etc … & suggested that for example some married men may prefer sex w other man over sex w women, yet they live in a conservative community or have a family where they don't want to come out as gay. He may like sex w men, but prefers a heterosexual social scene. The point is that our sexuality & choices are not always 100% gay or 100% straight.
     
    #8 Tomás1, Jun 19, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2016