Is Sexuality Fluid?

For some yes, for others no. It's a variation depending on the people involved. This goes pretty much for every sexual preference.

 

Short answer:

What more needs to be said?

 

Imo, it can be. In a way, my sexuality is pretty fluid. I'm always attracted to men and women (so that's a constant) it just sort of goes up and down who I'm attracted to more.

There are times when I notice guys more, others when I notice women more.

If you find yourself attracted to the off guy, don't worry about putting yourself in a box. You could be "homoflexible" or "bi with a strong preference for women". I'm sure people around you would understand your situation. Don't pretend to not have the attractions to guys anyway if you don't want to. Holding back on how you feel with attractions as you know is super frustrating. I don't think it's uncommon for people to have a little flexibility and exceptions to their sexuality.

 

Yea, here and there I get myself questioning about my real orientation and sometimes it gets real frustrating. I'm out to my family and some friends as bi but I do have a bigger preference for men. But, as I said, other times it's pretty confusing. Sometimes yet I prefer to tell people that I like "people", not specifically men or women. So, yea, I do think sexuality it's pretty fluid, indeed.

But, even with all of that said, for the sake of my mental health, I usually prefer not to label myself as gay, bi or whatever, I just try to live as happy as I can, be dating guys or girls

I hope this will help you with something

Bye bye

 

For some people it can be more fluid, but that isn't to say that for others it can't be very fixed. Some people's sexualities are really quite unchanging over time. Others may find their orientation hard to pinpoint and fluctuating over time.

I would say that you should embrace what feels right for you, whether that be a more fixed orientation or embracing slightly more fluid attractions to different genders.

I think it can occasionally be confusing because sometimes, it's the perception your sexuality that changes rather than your sexuality. For example, if a girl thinks she's straight for many years and identifies that way, but eventually comes to terms with understanding and accepting that she's a lesbian, her sexuality didn't necessarily change from straight to gay - it's just that her understanding of it changed. Also, sometimes if you're bisexual or pansexual, your preference for certain genders may possibly (but not always) be a bit more fluid.

But of course, it really depends on the individual.

 

Interesting point of view. Could you explain a little bit more for me, because I got a little bit confuse with the whole ideia of "her sexuality didn't necessarily change from straight to gay - it's just that her understanding of it changed".

 

No, it's "bi bi"

 

Haha ops, indeed!

 

Sure. It's just my personal point of view though, but I'll try and explain it a bit more.

I think sometimes (not all the time though), there can be many factors that get in the way of a clearer perception of sexuality - whether that be denial, bargaining, your environment/upbringing, etc.

I'll just use the example above. A girl might grow up believing she's straight - maybe because there's such a prevalent pressure to be straight in society, maybe because her friends and family constantly ask her what boy she likes, maybe because the environment around her is especially homophobic - and she might grow up attempting to like guys whilst ignoring her feelings for girls or brushing them off as just friendship/just admiration, etc. She perceives herself as straight and that's how she identifies; even though she has feelings for girls she might not be very aware of, and even if she lacks feelings for guys, she might continue trying to like guys - even dating guys she believes she likes or is just close friends with.

Then maybe when she grows older she is more exposed to LGBT+ stuff, becomes more aware of the fact that girls can like girls and that's okay. Maybe over time she realises that she never really had strong attractions towards guys, and she becomes more aware and accepting of her feelings towards girls. By the end of high school - for example - she might come to a better understanding of her sexuality, and realises she's gay. Her perception of her orientation has changed, whether that's from being more educated about LGBT+ things, or more able to accept her feelings for girls - but not necessarily her sexual orientation.

From one point of view it seems that her sexuality has changed from straight to gay, or during her questioning process from one sexuality to another, whilst the majority of it may have just been her perception of it that changed.

This thread is about the fluidity of sexuality though, and I stand by the idea that for some people sexuality can be more fluid, for some people it's very fixed. I wouldn't go up to a lesbian or a gay guy and go "sexuality is intrinsically fluid so you should keep trying to like people of other genders!" On the other hand, I wouldn't go up to someone who tells me that their sexuality is more fluid and their attractions can change over time, and tell them to just pick a label/pick an orientation and stick with it.
But I also thought that the idea of changing perceptions can be a relevant point here; because it isn't always necessarily the sexuality that is changing but rather the understanding of it. Of course fluidity might be a slightly different story than something such as a changing sexuality. But anyhow, for each person it's different, and I wouldn't immediately invalidate anyone's experiences with their sexuality, whether it's fluid for them or not.

My two cents.

 

Oh, I see now. Yes, your point of view it's indeed pretty interesting and reasonable for me, if I may say. Never thought about it in this way. As a matter of fact it's even sort of a new perspective for my strugle with my own feelings, and for that I have to have you

And about this, I hope that it didn't sounded that I think that sexuality is always fluid. No no, I actually said based on my own feelings that it could be. If one perceives himself as just gay or straight, great, have a happy life son

But, anyways, thank you so much for taking your time to explain me more about your ideia. It even helped me too haha

Bye

 

Hey guys, girl and non-binary friends.

Sorry for hijacking the thread but I just wanted to ask the same question, and wanted to add one as well, and didn't seeing any sense in creating a new thread.

Basically it took me four years to figure out what my sexual orientation is, and I think I realized this morning why it took so long. I mostly identify as gay but to give an example: Yesterday I truly felt 100% gay, like there was no way I could ever see myself in a long term relationship with a girl. But then this morning while having my coffee I felt like I could actually be with a girl as well as a guy. So I thought what if sexuality is not fixed for everyone? What if it can change, or as Alder put it my perception of sexuality changed this morning. Although I must add I never felt completely straight (I would always have a weak sport for dudes :icon_redf )

My best guess would be that for some people it is very certain. They know how they label themselves and are unlikely to question it anytime soon. Fir other it is a never ending journey were continuously discover yourself.

Now to the question. So if my sexuality is indeed really fluid would that not cause a lot of problems, or at least make it difficult, to be in a (stable) long term relationship? I can imagine that the other person might find it hard to understand some days that you just don't, for a lack of better words, like him/her. Is this not unfair to both in the relationship?
This thought really scares me. I really want to be happy, I'm sure everyone wants to, and now I am not sure if that would be possible. Sorry if this makes no sense at all!

 

Makes complete sense.
I don't know if it's like this for you, but for me, when I really like someone, I don't want anyone else. I only feel attracted to people who look or act like them, and even then, the other people never seem enough like them. So, even though I feel mild attraction to all sorts of people when I am not into one specific person, I feel fairly certain that I would be able to be satisfied by one person, if that is what I desired. Being young though, I really am interested in experimenting with polyamorous relationships, so I guess right now I'm happy I don't have huge feelings for any one person, because that means I'm free! Yay! haha. But, long explanation short, I think that it depends on the relationship, and even if you have a fluid sexuality, it is totally possible to be only into one person.

 

@invanlf, no problem. Of course it’s only my own way of looking at things but if it helps, I’m glad it does

@DarkStorm If you mostly identify as gay then that’s totally any okay way to identify as well. Sometimes it’s not too easy thinking in theoreticals eg, if you can imagine being with a girl as well as a guy, it could mean that you’re not 10000% gay, but also, sometimes it’s easier to imagine different scenarios in your mind than it is in real life. See if you ever have feelings for a girl in reality but don’t stress; if you ever do, it’s fine, but if you don’t, then it’s no big deal either.

Even if sexuality isn’t totally fixed for everyone, I do believe that there is mostly some sort of intrinsic component of one’s orientation that is pretty solid. For most. I think it’s far more likely for your understanding of it to change than your sexuality to drastically change, though I’m not going to speak for everyone’s experiences. My guess is that you will probably always be attracted to dudes and that’s pretty solid for you; it’s okay to wonder about the possibility of being with a girl too, but try not to worry too much about it and what it entails. Like I said, if it happens, it happens, and it’s no fault on your end. Uncertainty doesn't necessarily have to mean unhappiness.

Yes, for some people it is incredibly certain that they’re gay or straight or bi or whichever orientation (once they figure it out) with little/no fluidity, for some it’s less certain, but that doesn’t mean that for others who find it more difficult to be certain, that it will be a never ending state of questioning. There can be periods of self discovery that lead to a clearer perception and might change the way you look at your orientation, and for some, their attractions may shift a bit over time, but that doesn’t mean that it will cause a problem. What's important is just understanding and accepting whatever comes and goes, and if necessary, to just always communicate well with a partner.
You don’t have to be scared; what I find is that even if your sexuality is more open and hard to define like mine, if I like someone I like someone, and it’s sort of just them. I’m sure it’ll be clearer once you’re in the relationship, so try not to worry too much about it now. Just like who you like.

You’ll find a way to be happy, whether or your sexuality turns out to be a bit less concrete or not. People of all different sexual orientations can find a relationship, or relationships, that work out well for them.

 

@DarkStorm Yep, to not be too much redundant, I think it's pretty much this:

Bye~

 

I guess I beleive in fluidity... mine I guess has been sort of fluid, but I feel like I just didn't notice somethings. It confuses me that I was such a perv over guys until I realised I liked girls and now I couldn't care less most of the time. I'm often in a state of "I feel like such a lesbian, but I'm bi". Like I feel like I have the potential to like guys, but no desire to be with them, whereas before I felt like I had a good mix of both. I cannot work out if this is fluidity, past blindness of my lesbianness (which I have no particular reason to have - not religous or anything...), or bi with a current obsession with my newly liberated gayer side.