Hi all, Um... I am bit confused/ Okay, a lot confused. I'm female, mid-30s and questioning whether I am bi or gay.. or whether I'm just something else all together. I do have a beautiful caring therapist by the way, so none of my writings go unsupervised Okay, so I work in research, so... here's my evidence-based approach to my orientation: ***INCLUDES TRIGGERS*** 1) Men. I find them really attractive - to have sex with. I want kids. In relationship with men, I feel like something is always missing. I try to build love.. I try to make deep emotional connections, and I want that too... and I push romantic connection, but I've never had an amicable breakup with a man... and often I find they see me purely in a sexual frame, and I see them similarly - Seeing a man makes me think about sex with them. In terms of friendship -- I have LOADS of guy friends, and I like being their friend. 2) Women. I struggle to meet women I am attracted to... but when I do find a woman who is exceptional and stunning, I feel like there is only their beauty in the world... like magic... like perfection... and yeh, I want to be with them, but it's not all about sex. I get turned on by women, yeh. But it's deeper than that. It's LOVE. It's pure. In relationship with women, I feel connected and *almost* completely satisified. Err.. I need the occassional COCK. Maybe twice a year? I like the feeling of it inside me. In terms of friendship -- I have almost zero female friends, as I have found straight girls don't like me as a friend!! Things that make this more confusing for me are: - My first sexual experience was with a girl/ so I like women? - I was raped and groomed by a man from a young age/ so I like women because men can be aggressive? - I have worked in the sex industry for men/ so I maybe like sex with men? - I have been engaged to a man/ so I must like men? - My sibling is gay/ am i copying her? - I have been verbally abused (to my face!) for defending gays and it made me cry lots/ am I just a nice person, or am i gay? - My relationships with women are long-term and end well... whereas with guys they are short and end badly/ do I just understand women better because I am one? ....so... I'm confused
Im same. Honestly though, with cocks I'd say that's less about men, you might just be into penetrative sex which can be achieved in same sex relationships. Idk. I mean I can find men attractive sometimes, and I usually want to have deep friendships and stuff but I identify as gay. It all really comes down to what you are comfortable with, even if you figure yourself out more later, no ones going to fault you for understanding your sexuality. Now I'm not an expert but everything shitty that happened to you-that's not you. Your sexuality comes from you. the examples don't dictate your sexuality, they're just what happened. Look at your feelings, not what you did first or where. Now being raped, that's awful and you are a strong person to have survived that like a warrior. What happened to you doesn't dictate who you are. It can't change your sexuality and it can't change you. I hope this was somewhat helpful, but take my words with a grain of salt.
Thanks @awildscrewup for your POV. I've only had 3 relationships with women; 4 if we include K... so I guess i'm no expert on sex with women.. and I guess I'm just a bit inexperienced there. 1) K, we were kids and had no idea what we were doing 2) M, a beautiful younger-than me girl (who i still love)... but we both had boyfriends too, so we got the cock-vibe from our guys 3) C, who was a shit girlfriend because she was in denial about her sexuality and reluctant to be overtly sexual with me 4) B, a stunning gay girl, who my arsehole ex raped to punish me-wtf! So I never had the chance to really be with her except once.
I'm constantly trying to work this one through, I never felt repulsed or turned off by men, in fact I quite enjoyed sex with them. But, with a woman it's off the scale. I honestly thought I was bi or pan but tbh now I have actually embarked on a proper relationship I really do think I am gay. With men I was quite submissive and never really liked to do things to them, I would always be happy for a man to take complete control. With my girlfriend it's so so different. I want to touch her, I want to give her oral, I want to make her happy. So I may be bi, but I massively prefer sex with women
