For the longest time, I've thought that I'm straight, since I only had crushes on boys. However, six months ago, I began questioning. I realized that what I'd previously labeled as a friend-crush on a girl in high school was probably a full-blown crush. Looking back, I don't know how I missed the intensity of what I felt when I was around her. I wanted to go to prom with her, for crying out loud, and I hate dancing in public. Anyways, I've never felt that way about anyone else but her. I have a list - my therapist actually had me write it out - of everyone else I've had a crush on (all male), but I don't know if they were actually real. I've commented on, to friends and in my head, "cute" guys, but my gut reaction when I find a girl attractive is disgust/horror, which I'm fairly certain is internalized homophobia or something to that effect. I don't know how to tell if the attraction I feel for guys is legitimate, and, if some are, which ones are legitimate. I know they all aren't real attractions because I sometimes get the same feeling when looking at someone I'm not attracted to, like Donkey from Shrek, or Stalin, or Trump, or Bill Nye the Science Guy. Hopefully that made sense. Thoughts?
