A question for lesbian and bisexual girls/women

Well if we're talking sexual/romantic attraction, I don't feel that towards anyone unless there's a certain bond. However fantasizing and general perspective is different. I can kiss guys, hold their hands, cuddle and enjoy that. That's romantic behavior I guess but it's hard to see myself doing more "coupley" things. The idea of a guy doting on me feels a little odd. I can find guys sexually appealing but when I think of sex it's very basic and physical.

Once I realized I could like girls, a lot of those fantasies become clear. I can see myself in a long term relationship with a woman and being more romantic in behavior. When I think of sex, it's drawn out, its physical but it's passionate. I can explore more freely in my mind. I don't want to say being with a girl feels more "right" maybe organic is a better word.

Because of this lately I've figured when I fall in love it's likely to be with someone of the same sex. Of course I don't have too much choice in the matter. The heart wants what it wants and all that jazz.:lol:

I'm sorry if my post doesn't help with relating. But just because you don't feel a strong pull towards guys doesn't mean your not attracted to them at all, it might be a sign you aren't. Do you feel comfortable even trying to explore your feelings with a guy?

And comparatively how do you feel about girls?

 

I don't feel anything. When I imagine myself kissing a guy I feel uncomfortable, and when I imagine intercourse I feel disgusted, I guess, in the same way a straight man feels about anal intercourse with men. It doesn't mean doing these things with men are disgusting or wrong, but when you're a lesbian it just doesn't register at all. Other lesbians may just be neutral or not see the appeal.

I don't even feel aesthetically attracted to men unless they are extremely feminine (think like anime bishie boys in real life). The super short hair and all that body hair is so unappealing to me. I also understand that an actual lesbian may find a guy good looking but doesn't want to be physical. Both are valid and can happen I guess.

 

when i try to imagine myself with a guy it just feels so wrong, i have kissed 2 guys and it was just meh like it was forced or mechanical.. i haven't done anything more than that with a guy, i know i should do something more to know for sure if i might like it i i just can't i rather stab myself haha just the idea of kissing,touching, holding hands with a guy feels like i lose myself and it's not me.. there isn't the emotional connection i can feel with a girl.. when i imagine myself being with a girl it feels completely right and that's why i identify as lesbian now even though i find some guys aesthetically attractive but that's it.. sexuality can be soo confusing..

 

I don't feel anything regarding fantasizing about kissing a man, as I tend to associate that with an act of romance - as a homoromantic person, that does nothing for me. Tried pursuing relationships with them as well, to no avail. It's just a big nope.

As for thinking of sleeping with a man, it fluctuates. Sometimes I feel more attracted to that idea than to being with a woman, other times it's the opposite, and then other times it's 50/50. It fluctuates... a lot. There's no definitive answer on that one.

When I was younger I craved women almost exclusively (and tried ignoring it), I'm not really sure why things have changed.

 

I think guys can make good friends, or be fun to hang around, or relatable, or good looking. But not in a romantic or sexual way.

I just can not stand the thought of being in a relationship with a man. Thinking about romantic stuff I feel nothing. Thinking about physical things disgusts and repulses me.

The closest I can get to a guy is a platonic friendship, but thats really it. I can care about how they're feeling, but thats because I have empathy for anyone, thats it. I can have fun talking to them, but thats because Im a masculine personality mysekf and theyre relatable, thats it. Thats the closest I can get to them.

Friends, okay.
Relationship partners, ew.

P.S:
Before I knew I was gay, I thought I was straight, so for a short period of time I fantasized about boys becayse that was what I was "supposed to do." I believe I was more into the idea of love than I actually was with boys, I just thought of it using boys because heteronormativity. I didnt actually feel attracted to boys, and in most cases it even felt forced. Everytime I had a favorite male character, I thought it mustve meant I liked them so I forced myself through. When straight girls were talking about crushes, I just picked a boy with cool hair and forced myself through that too. Im not sure if I ever actually did have those kind of feelings. (I used to identify as bisexual, then bicurious.) But if I ever did, its gone now and those old fantasies repulse me. Once I discovered I liked girls though, I followed my heart and saw that relationships with women is what I wanted much much more intensely.

 

I think guys can be great friends, but the thought of being "more than friends" makes me extremely uncomfortable.

However, I didn't really notice that I felt that way until I'd fully accepted my attraction to girls.

Even back when I thought I liked guys, I realized that the way I felt about girls was much stronger.

I had a dream (nightmare, actually) not long ago that I almost went along with having sex with a guy, and I woke up tramatized!

This describes what I went through perfectly.

 

hmm. Guys: Well, I don't know actually. I feel like there's a huge possibly that I could indeed be with a guy and fall in love and all that stuff. Guys can be great friends too! I have two best guy friends actually! As for having sex with a guy? Well, I am being honest here really, I am slightly curious and I am a virgin but I was thinking of trying it out and see if I would really like having sex with a guy for the rest of my life..

Girls: Okay, I am honestly admitting that girls are really pretty and sometimes I wish that I can have their life or something like that. I have no idea if I can see myself dating a woman though I think I might like this straight girl at work? Idk but she is really pretty! I have a few friends who are girls and they two can be great friends. As for having sexual relations with them? Well, as I said above I do not mind seeing if I can see myself having sex with a girl for the rest of my life.

 

No worries. Glad to be of help! After reading your response, I think if you feel like exploring with guys would be a forced thing, then don't. You should never feel forced to prove attraction to anyone even yourself.

I can understand even with your feelings towards women why it's still hard to picture at times. That could just be a comfort level that will become easier with experience and personal growth.

For now just relax a bit if possible. (I know it gets crazy) Don't stress over possibly falling for a guy. I mean it's possible I could win the million dollar lottery. Doesn't mean it's gonna happen. Start off with what you know. You like girls emotionally or in some way, so go with that.

The last couple of sentences you wrote makes me wonder. Part of my personality is masculine, I wonder if that's why my idea of sex with guys is the way it is. Its like I always have to be the one in control I can't be sexually vulnerable in certain ways. Is that because of my own masculine ego?:lol:

 

I'm also homoromantic and bisexual. For me, anything sexual with a guy is hot unless I'm in one of my phases where I only crave women (which can last between an hour and a couple weeks). There are differences in the sex I imagine with men versus women (with men it's more primal and has a D/s component, whereas with women it's more sensual). Thinking about purely romantic things with a guy feels creepy and forced. It's not as bad if there's a lot of sexual chemistry, but it's only because it distracts me from the romance. I never wanted a boyfriend for anything but sex, and I only relate to same-sex women couples in media. A lot of things about dating made no sense to me till I started dating women. Romantic orientation isn't talked about as much, so it was harder to find information about it. I ultimately see myself with a woman, maybe in an open relationship so I can still sleep with men if I want.

Hope this helps you out!

 

I think there's a difference between actually being with a gender and just fantasy of course. But not having actual experience doesn't mean it's not a real desire. I personally haven't got to be intimate with a lady (yet) Trust me I think about it a lot anyway.:lol: :icon_redf

 

guys are kool as brothers/friends but i feel discusted to think of anything with them..i am not attracted to their attributes at all..i had tried dating guys in the past becuz i wanted to feel like a normal girl and the only way i could bring myself to do anything with them was if i was s.f drunk and i closed my eyes and thought about a women...i immediatly regretted anything i did with them and felt so degrated and discusted even if i just kissed them, to this day i regret it...i feel being with a guy was so so wrong, like a poster above mentioned, a straight guy having anal sex...or even like a young straight guy molested or sumthing..i will never ever be with another guy in my life...id rather be alone forever..

now women, i am filled with good vibes inside..i cant get enough of a girl...even hugging them makes me feel amazing inside..i love everything about a woman, and i never once felt regret or bad feelings when a girl was concerned, kissing, touching...etc...i was always really happy after being with a girl, to this day i look back and smile..i want love with a girl and so yea ill think sum are attractive, but for me im more attracted to personalities and how they carry themselves, and im not really one to just have sex with a girl i baraly kno, i like to build an intimate connection first..unless i was drunk and theyre giving me those flirty eyes then my body would go wild and id start to want them sexually right then and there..but im sober now lol....for good....and besides that never really happened lol and im glad cuz i want to loose my virginity to the women im in love with...(virginity in my own definition, not everyone elses.)

 

Wow, so many people have posted already but

For me, as a lesbian, when I look at guys, I basically think they all kinda look like stick figures. I don't think about guys like.. Ever, but if I do, it's just like.. "o god put a shirt on" lol... They just don't attract me

Before I questioned my sexuality, I had like 3 crushes on guys and I never thought about them more than kissing on the cheek.

Yay

 

I am still not sure of my orientation so I'm not sure how to answer. I've been married to a man and had sex with a few other men before that and I enjoyed cuddling and kissing but sex never did anything for me. I mean the best it ever got was "yeah I guess I see why people think this is fun, sort of." I didn't think it was my orientation and I'm still not sure to be honest. I mean I was sexually attracted to the guys, or I certainly thought I was at the time, and I wanted to have sex with them, it just never felt very good, especially intercourse.

I still fantasize about men and I wonder sometimes if I could be with a man but I don't really want to be. Maybe if my favorite celebrity showed up at my front door but as far as trying to get with men on dating sites or whatever, I have no interest.

Yet sometimes I still think I'm probably straight and being weird. I'm kind of a mess when it comes to my orientation.

 

Guys... I have an appreciation for nice male physique
I like how they look sculpted. But Im not really drawn to wanting to touch them. And I love men's style and swag but I sort of admire it. I don't really like the idea of kissing them but hugs are perfectly comfortable and nice. I think I could have sex with a guy and I would enjoy it, because I can fantasise about them fine. But I just don't really want to date a guy. I'm staying open with that since there isn't much stopping me in terms of being repulsed by straight sex or anything - in fact as I said Im perfectly turned on by the idea. But I'm not gonna force either.

With girls I find less of them to be attractive I think but those I do I become rather focused on and unlike with guys its a fully sensual appreciation rather than just visual. I am very drawn to touch them. Kissing girls is great and I want to have sex with them. The sex part isn't really any stronger than for guys but it's a bit more active. The main difference is that I fall for them romantically quite deeply and my feelings are invested. I think having a girlfriend would be more desirable for me.

Therefore, its pretty hard for me to choose a label too.

 

Guys = safety for me.

Personally, I love attention from guys. When I was a kid I always used to hang around with boys because I had way more fun with them. Since then, I don't have any male friends but I do have periods when I crave male company. I love being around guys, but when I think they're making sexual advances toward me I tend to shut down and avoid them. It can seem quite odd because I'm generally more comfortable around men than women and when I'm comfortable my playfulness has been said to come across as flirting.

I have zero sexual experience but I have had several crushes on guys, each one more anxiety inducing than the last. Before I started questioning it never occurred to me to fantasise about guys and aside from having my first kiss (I used to be incredibly self conscious and insecure about having never been kissed) I didn't really think about doing anything with the guys I liked aside from talking and hanging out.

Since I started questioning I've become a little more curious about men's bodies and what it means to be attracted to men. I can see a guy and imagine kissing him, or consider what it would be like to have sex with him but it does nothing for me unless I concentrate really hard and more often than not, when I fantasise about men I get tiny twinges then get bored or grossed out.

I'm not sure whether any of this was helpful but I hope you can find something to relate to in here!

 

Trust me, even people who ARE attracted to guys sometimes think "o god put a shirt on"